is it okay to have a 18yo donor?

[nn7877]

Hello everyone! I’m currently undergoing my second ivf tx in the clinic in Ukraine. And I’ve chosen a girl-donor already. She’s 18 yo. And I was thinking isn’t she too young to be a donor or indeed, it’s a good thing?? Also they have to be mothers at the stage, I mean the donors. She’s only 18 and already is a mother.. She had to give birth at least at 16… I don’t know what to think about that..

I’ve chosen 5 donors to begin with and she was the youngest out of all of them. Drs have confirmed her as our donor because she matches all of the medical parameters. On top of that I like how she resembles me. I’ve already singed the documents but as I’ve come home I started thinking about it a lot.. Maybe I should choose a new donor before she starts the stimulation? What do you think?

Thanks xx

[KimDerr]

ok, what’s the crime? r u worried about her early pregnancy? so what?

well, I agree that 16 is quite early to conceieve (still happens quite often). how can this influence her egg quality?

since she was approved for donating, she is absolutely healthy and u have nothing to worry. Imho

[nn7877 in reply to KimDerr]

Yes, that's what I was thinking about too. She's young and her egg quality must be high, but for some reasons that doesn't sound good to me.. I've seen that my clinic uses the donors only from 18-25 yo and they are all healthy etc. But from moral point of view, is that normal? Yes. I worry that it's not how it is supposed to be: she should be more careful at 16 yo..

[KimDerr in reply to nn7877]

nn7877 i think there's nothing for u to worry about. things happen and girls get pregnant very early. i think it's good that she left the baby instead of making abortion. in any case, it has no impact on ur egg donation program at all. u know, my children were also conceived from donor's egg who is 16 years younger than me. my kids are absolutely healthy. some wishes to u, hun. i think u'r just too worried about the process and all. it might be tough to avoid but try to stay calm and trust in good

[nn7877 in reply to KimDerr]

Yes, I am 100% on my nerves after all of the stress I've gone through. I am still kind of clueless about how everything works, as my drs have explained me what I am going to undergo and given me the medicine with the protocol. I am nervous because I am not sure I'm doing everything right. As my hubby always comforts me and says that the instructions were really clear and I follow them well, I start thinking about other mistakes I could’ve possible done. That's why I think I am too conscious about my donor and I've seen her photo she looks like a nice person and I was content with her when choosing the donor but getting a baby it's such a hard work, it's important to do everything right. So, I had to check if I've made a good decision.

Thanks for your kindness xx

[pm27]

She's over 18 and has met all the criteria set by the clinic so what's the problem? We used DE for our third round. I don't know how old she was as we stayed in the UK so you only get told that if you get a BFP.

Look at this way, she's 18 so her eggs are 'fresh' and her fertility is proven as she's a mum. If she hadn't been a young mum she won't be on offer as a donor.

If her young age bothers you that much deselect her as a donor and use one of the others.

[nn7877 in reply to pm27]

Hi! Thanks for answering. I wanted just to have some advices about my decision, I just didn't know if I had it right. Maybe it was just nervousness because after receiving your responses I've changed my mind on this. Because if drs said that she is the perfect match than it means that physically she is the best option for our couple and I am not going to think about it anymore. My dh said that I'm a little bit crazy with thoughts like this one, but I dont blame him on this because I totally agree. When in 2 months we're heading back to Kiev I will be getting even more crazy, so maybe now I'd rather calm down. xx

[pm27 in reply to nn7877]

It's such an important decision so it's not surprising you're anxious about it. We didn't get a selection to choose from and sometimes choice can be a bit much. Hopefully everything will go well and you'll get a BFP. Have you looked at The Donor Conception website? I found it very helpful and it answered a lot of queries/worries I had.

[nn7877 in reply to pm27]

Thanks for understanding!

But you can be sure for 100 % that your dr had chosen you the best donor possible! Have you received BFP already or you're only waiting? How is your 3 round? It's said that you've gotten 2 bfn. I wish reducing the amount of stress I am getting rn, and for 3 ivfs to still be able to continue that's amazing of you.

Thank you for your recommendation, I found the website and I'm going to browse it right now. Thanks xx

[pm27 in reply to nn7877]

The donor met our criteria (skin tone, hair/eye colour, she was same height as hubby and her own portrait was very simikar to what I'd have written). We could have declined and then the clinic would have offered us someone else. Sadly we got a BFN and have decided to cease treatment. We were told DE had 40% success so hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones.

[nn7877 in reply to pm27]

I am so sorry about your bfn, I can imagine how you feel. And what are you going to do next, maybe you should just rest for some time and then continue your fertility journey.. I was told that I had more than 70 % of success, and I think that it really depends on a woman. I wish you the best of luck, sweety! Do not give up on your dream of becoming mother! xoxo

[pm27 in reply to nn7877]

For me it was time to call an end to treatment and some how learn to live with being childless. 2 mcs from natural conceptions and 3 rounds of ICSI resulting in BFNs and no frosties. It's a very personal decision and others can keep going. At 43 it's very unlikely to happen naturally, my age being compounded by male issues.

I really hope that you are in the 70% successful group.

I wish you all the best.

[nn7877 in reply to pm27]

Thank you, honey!!!!! Lots of love to you!

I am sorry for being so insistent but have you considered surrogacy as the option? Sorry if it's bothering you..

xx

[polineawrr]

Hello. I agree wwith previous comments and it seems like you do not have the need of advices on your post anymore. But I'd love to get some myself. You mentioned that you chose your donor by yourself, I thought that you can't do that, that only dr chose one for you without your consent... I am looking for a clinic and till the moment I haven't found one near me where is possible to choose the donor. Maybe I should look for it somewhere in Europe, I see.

I had endo and after the surgery my dr said that my eggs have become worse in quality and if I want to get pregnancy it's better to use donors eggs. I've got all documents on me that prove my condition and am searching the clinic to get ivf de in. Where did you get your tx, can you tell me? Thank you

[nn7877 in reply to polineawrr]

Hi, hun! How are you doing now? We all have been through some downs in our lives and I can understand your feelings! In that where I've been getting the tx I could not only see the photos of the donors but they also provide you with the video database, so I could form full impression of the girls-donors. I went all the way to Ukraine, I've discovered this country for myself not too long ago though I have heard of it before. I was afraid coming there at first, because it is a completely different country but everything went well and we had our first appt. We've chosen donors right after the contract signing; they do not give you the access to the database if you are not their client. That's what made me like the clinic. I felt secure there.

How many kids you and your dh want?

 

[polineawrr in reply to nn7877]

But how exactly did you choose the donors? They have that database where every single detail on the donor is specified, right? You just select one girl by her appearance and then drs say if she's perfect or not? And how long do they approve her?

Also Ukraine isn’t it too far? It's like in Asia or something.. I don't know that much about the country..

Actually, I am not married yet. We and my boyfriend are thinking about it. Is that bad? Do you have to be married to get in ivf de program??

[nn7877 in reply to polineawrr]

Donor’s database is pretty full of information on girls, they have videos, photos and managers can even provide you with some additional information if you need that. For example, we asked if our donor had a higher education, she has haha

The information in that database is such like hair color, weight etc. You choose not only one donor but few and dr selects one of them who is the best match.

No, Ukraine is in Europe haha it's not far from Poland and Russia.

If you consider getting ivf tx you do not have to be married, I just assumed that you have a husband because I've always met women here who are married already. Sorry.

[polineawrr in reply to nn7877]

But what if I want to make sure the donors are great before signing the contract? What if I don't like anyone of them..?

That's nice that I do not have to be married although we are planning to make our relationship official but not today.

But how is it in Ukraine isn't it scary over there?

[nn7877]

Yes, you are right! That's my responsibility to raise a child a decent person. Maybe I am acting a bit stupid here, but won't it have the influence on my child at all? If so then I will finally calm down.

[polineawrr]

So every client will get the car and will be able to live in the hotel, but do you have to pay for it? I mean, the contract price plus every service you get, isn't it a bit expensive?

I wish I could see the videos of the donors.. What was it like your first appt in the clinic? What doctors were like, how did you feel yourself at that moment?

[KimDerr]

sure, sis. that's definitely not a point of concern. so keep calm and hope for success of your ivf procedure. much depends on proficiency of your doctor and embryologists. i hope they will do their job perfectly well. fingers crossed for you. when is your fertilization day?