Anxiety re. Conceiving

[LeaMi]

Hello,

My partner and I have been trying to conceive for six months, I am 39 and he is 44. I had a chemical pregnancy last week at 4weeks 4 days, and it's been a bit of a blow. It was my first pregnancy, and although it has reassured me slightly we can conceive, I'm very scared of the future.

I'm a very anxious person, and on the waiting list for assessment for Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm mentioning this, as the usual anxiety management techniques aren't always effective for me. We're going to continue to try without a break, conscious that after a loss fertility can increase, but I'm terrified. Terrified of falling pregnant again, terrified of not.

Typically, I would now be in the beginning of my fertile period, but my LH tests are very low - My GP warned me my cycle may be off.

My mental health is pretty poor right now, and hopefully it'll improve soon with time, but I was hoping to connect with people who may feel/have felt similar, and possibly learn to cope with this better. I feel quite alone.

Thank you.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. Hopefully there will be others who know just how you are feeling and coping. Obviously you need t concentrate on you and your mental health so you can move on to fertility treatment needed. I do hope all is soon sorted. Diane

[LeaMi in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you for your reply. I'm still hoping we will be able to conceive naturally, but I am aware this could potentially change. We aren't at that point yet though, and my GP has been great.

[Harriet42]

Hi LeaMi,I'm not sure I really have anything to say that will help you cope better. But I felt compelled to tell you a snippet of my experience, I too have trouble with anxiety and not being able to conceive has sent it through the roof. I've not yet even had a whiff of a positive pregnancy test, yet I'm already worring about having a miscarriage. It's not helpful but the feeling of dread and angst are very real and get it the way of living in the meantime. I hope this message goes a little way in letting you know on this platform you aren't alone. Take care

[LeaMi in reply to Harriet42]

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm so sorry you're experiencing anxiety too, but thank you for sharing your experience with me. It's horrible, huh? I've found the trying to conceive process very stressful, and I have found the early loss challenging.

I very much hope you get your positive soon, and all goes well when you do x

[CarlottaD27]

I’m so sorry you’re going through these emotions, it is naturally such a big and emotive life event!

I also suffer from anxiety and found that having a plan for each month really helped, eg month one we try naturally, month two we do x test and try, etc to make it feel like I was making progress.

Similarly I made sure to have plans for nice non baby related activities each month, eg holidays, nice meals out, small treats. x

[LeaMi in reply to CarlottaD27]

Thank you for replying, I'm sorry that you experience anxiety too. Those are great suggestions, thank you for sharing them with me! x

[Kitkat10]

I’m sorry you’re going through this but I can reassure you, you have come to the right place. You are definitely not alone in feeling this and it’s a tough time to navigate. I found it useful to try and think of each new cycle as a new opportunity rather than the end of a previous cycle.

Wishing you lots of luck and try and stay positive and think ‘when’ not ‘if’ xx

[LeaMi in reply to Kitkat10]

Thank you, this positivity has clicked with me. I find it difficult to be positive about conceiving as I'm worried my hopes will be dashed, but these are really nice ways to approach it.

Thank you, I'm really touched by the support from everyone who has commented. It really is helping xx

[Lbb24]

Hi! I am so so sorry! That was like us nearly 3 years and I finally saw that beautiful blue line on a test only to wake up bleeding a few days later when it was later confirmed I had lost the pregnancy. We are about to go into another frozen transfer and I can feel the anxiety bubbling beneath the surface. My only thing is that I just want to keep going because I'm not someone who gives up easily I have also referred myself for counselling. But allow yourself to grieve at the same time! To you that test meant so much, it was your future, it was a dream come true, it was I'm guessing the happiest you've been in a hell of a long time it was your miracle which was cruelly taken away. I'm still a bit up and down but just pushing through to the point where I broke down in the middle of my gp appointment. Allow yourself to be sad but it's also okay to laugh and smile (someone at work said that to me that you might feel guilty for laughing). Sorry I feel like I've rambled on if you need to talk about it I'm listening! It's hard and it's a double whammy of infertility then a loss is just too aweful to comprehend and most people don't get it.

[LeaMi in reply to Lbb24]

Thank you, your message is so kind and appreciated. I'm so sorry you've been through this too and I very much hope this transfer is successful for you!

I was so delighted when I saw the positive test. I knew things could go wrong, but it happened so fast and I think I've had a trauma response tbh. I don't want to give up either! I knew conceiving could take a bit of time because of my age, and I'm so happy we've been able to do it once, I just hope that we can again...

Again, I really hope things go well for you xx

[Lbb24 in reply to LeaMi]

Yeah I think that's what has happened to me so much so I've decided to go to counselling. I wish you every success hopefully we can both get positives again! ❤️ same for you hope things start getting better!

[Angelikid88]

hello lovely, i would say stick to the positive fact than only after 6 months of efforts you managed to get pregnant! there are so many women that we haven't even reached that far. Chances are on your side! all the best to you <3

[LeaMi in reply to Angelikid88]

Thank you, you're right. I do appreciate we were lucky to conceive, and I hope it is a good sign that we can do it again. Fingers crossed! I can imagine how difficult others experiences are and have been. It's such a difficult thing to go through when you want a family so much.

Thank you for your support, and positive message. I appreciate it!xx

[Swimming87]

Hi LeaMi, sorry for the pain and stress this is causing you. Have you done the recommended tests on both yourself and your partner? I'm mentioning it just because we had a similar story where we tried for several month before starting to dig deeper. I wish we had done the proper tests much earlier, it would have spared us from much anxiety. Sending you all my positive vibes

[LeaMi in reply to Swimming87]

Hello! We haven't undergone any tests yet, but I have a GP appointment in November, and following this I'm going to get bloods done. My partner already has a child, but he's more than happy to go to his GP as we're aware his fertility could have changed.

I hope things have worked out for you x