So my hubby and I are at the very beginning our the journey and have literally just had our initial tests. We're under St.Mary's in Manchester and most probably won't get to see our consultant until January now. All we know so far is that I have fibroids and fluid in one tube. My ovaries look good apparently.
I've been in such a dilemma about writing this post because I don't wish to offend or minimise the desperation people feel to have a positive outcome, but I figured there MUST be other women in my position who are starting the IVF journey.
So I have anxiety disorder and have had moments of crisis over the years. On the whole I function well and live a happy life. I have a good job and a social life and I'm a fighter of the demons in my head. I have sleep anxiety, which mostly involves occasional obsession with getting enough sleep and periods of awful insomnia. Subsequently, the idea of carrying and then looking after a baby has terrified me. I really really want to be a mum and so I've tired really hard to not let the fear stop me and to seek advice and prepare a network of support. I'm finding it really hard to start this journey of intentionally trying to bring about a pregnancy when the whole thing terrifies me. I go from feeling so keen to start this process and wishing for green lights along the way, to wishing a doctor would tell me it's not going to happen so the responsibility is taken from me and I can learn to live with not having my own child. I feel guilty saying it because I know how many women are desperate to be pregnant but I just had to share, not just for myself but for any other women who are on this trip and feeling very mixed about the outcome x