re: IVFED how did you pick your egg donor? And how important was it that she had already had a proven track record (generated a pregnancy)?

[A_Fortune]

hi ladies,

I’m going down the egg donor route so all my questions for the time being are about just that. Is there a specific channel just for Egg Donation?

Anyway, our clinic called on Friday proposing a young lady of 21 years in Spain as our donor. The physical features seem to be close-ish to mine and at the time I had a good feeling about her. BUT she already donated once, back in April, and we were told that no pregnancies originated from that. I was surprised by that and that put me off guard.

Apparently, a lot of couples will not even consider an ED with no proven track record so we feel a bit stupid betting on someone with less chances of success…?

I am really confused and would appreciate your input and experience.

thank you!

[Tnthketnf]

Hi

I had treatment in Greece. Tbh there wasn't a selection as such, we weren't given a list of donors to choose from. We were asked to fill in a form with my characteristics. We stipulated that she wasn't over 30 or too young and that she was proven. The proven track was important for us as after so many years and failures I wanted to ensure I minimised the possibility of further failures.

We were matched with a donor and asked if we wanted to proceed which we did. And that was it.

The fact that were no pregnancies from a previous donation for a donor could be down to the other parts of the equation. However there is no way this will be answered with confidence so if you go for a proven donor you will know that at least her part of the equation is or was OK before and more likely to be again.

[Backagain987]

I had treatment in the UK. I went for someone who was similar looks wise (hair colour, eye colour), she was heavier than me and shorter than me but I didn't mind that. It sounds stupid but she was super creative whereas I am hopeless at creative things, I am more sporty.. so I felt like that complimented me!? The reality was that was me making romantic notions about her and how we would influence any resulting baby.

She was a first time donor, and 31.. so she had no proven track record. To be honest the point about proven success didn't even cross my mind. I knew statistically she had a lot better chances than me (at 45) and that was enough for me. Our first transfer resulted in our daughter, and I feel so blessed we got such a wonderful gift. Feel free to message me if you have any other questions xx

[Kitkat10]

hi, I chose based on physical features (similar height, hair colour, eye colour) and interests which were varied. My donor was 23 and had no previous pregnancies recorded (but I think this was her first donation ) but the first transfer worked and resulted in my little girl. Good luck xx 🍀🍀

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. Not much help but couples I’ve met and had successful egg donation, their little ones have grown up with family mannerisms, and look amazing. Diane

[Doodlebug23]

My clinic just told me they found a match to my physical characteristics, and the age of the donor. As it’s all anonymous in Spain I never thought to ask any more questions. My first donor gave me 3 embryos, none of which stuck. I feel sad to think maybe the donor is thinking she helped create a life.

[Tinkertinkerbell]

Hi, I had treatment in the UK - it’s interesting reading other people’s experiences of clinics matching characteristics etc because I had none of that. There were very few egg donors available and I think I had a choice of 6 to choose from. For me the main concern was the age of the donor because I’m older and was told that was the reason that I had miscarried in the past and why ivf with my own eggs wasn’t working. So when I decided to try with a donor I wanted to go with a young donor to minimise these problems. Only my clinic would not tell me the age of the donors - it is the policy not to release the age until you’re pregnant. They have donors up to 35 and I think the thinking is no one would choose the older donors so the keep that information back. So you’re lucky to be told upfront how old the donor is. This caused me a lot of stress. All the information I could see was hair colour, eye colour, ethnicity, height, BMI and if they had already been a proven donor. In my mind a proven donor may have been someone older who had donated a few times and a first timer might be younger. So I blindly picked from basic hair colour etc and prayed. Out of 7 eggs I got 3 outstanding blastocysts. Two didn’t stick and the 3rd one did. Once I was pregnant they let me know she was 21 and I was so happy with that. Statistically so much less likely to have genetic abnormalities etc. So now she is a ‘proven donor’ but she could easily not have been as my success with the 3rd embryo came after I had the EMA, Alice and ERA tests and adjustments were made based on those tests - if I hadn’t it most likely wouldn’t have worked and that would have been due to my body and not the donor. But yes - a young donor is more likely to have the healthiest eggs and knowing that the donor is 21 is amazing. Thats very young to donate and I’m betting her first time - that’s the only reason she’s not a proven donor. But I would put my faith in the young eggs every time! Good luck x

[A_Fortune in reply to Tinkertinkerbell]

So, you’ll never guess, but I got a call from the clinic today, and the 21 year old that we wanted to choose… she actually had her cycle cancelled due to low ovarian reserve. She was not responding well to stimulation it seems. So we’re actually going with option B who is 29 and has a proven track record. Just felt like I had to share this. NOTHING in this process is rational or follows what one would expect. Thank you for sharing though! My concern now is that our possible future baby might not look anything like me.

[Backagain987 in reply to A_Fortune]

My daughter doesn’t look anything like me at all, it doesn’t stop me being absolutely obsessed by her. We didn’t tell anyone we had done DE and no one has every doubted she is mine despite no visual similarities x

[Tinkertinkerbell in reply to A_Fortune]

My daughter won’t look like me. But my sisters daughter doesn’t look anything like her and we don’t look anything like our Mum. As long as the baby is healthy and happy x

[puppylove73]

We decided on taking whatever donor was available as my clock was ticking and I couldn’t wait anymore (I was 48). We got a 27 year old donor from Cyprus who somehow matched with my height, build, eye and hair color and has a daughter already. I’m Asian and I would have preferred to have an Asian donor however, the first one didn’t comply with the requirement and they discovered some genetic abnormality in the next one. It would take another 6 months to wait so I said to my husband, I’d be happy to take anyone at all. I was so desperate to become a mother. First transfer resulted in our now twin toddlers boy and girl. My husband is Caucasian and they both look like him and I love them to bits. Best of luck to your journey.