Another failed attempt - losing hope

[Salimali44]

Yesterday I found my fourth attempt of an embryo transfer was unsuccessful . I feel so hopeless and angry. We have been using donor eggs the last three times after my own eggs failed. Everyone said it would be easy with donor eggs- and yet for me it still doesn’t work. I feel cursed or like there’s something horribly wrong with me that no one knows about. My partner has had to go away for work (we have been doing this for so long now we just can’t pause our life for it every time) - so now I’m alone with this. I find it hard to be with friends as however sympathetic they try to be they just don’t understand. Can anyone recommend anything that made them feel better? 💔

[Millbanks]

I'm so sorry to read this - it's so hard when you've tried everything.

The only thing that helped me feel better was doing tonnes of research in to what I could try next time. I had a long list and just kept going to my consultant with new ideas. It re-energised me.

Have you looked in to an immune protocol at all? Because this was what finally helped me and I think sometimes it can help with donor too as our bodies can fight off the foreign DNA.

Might be worth talking through it xx

[Salimali44 in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you! It’s still very raw today but I think you are right - perhaps looking at the next steps and trying to realise we still have hope can help me. The other issue is financial though as we really can’t afford to try again for a while. It’s so frustrating!

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

HIL All I can suggest is to ensure your fallop tubes are patent and no fluid from them mis leaking into the womb and preventing implantation success. A hysteroscopy might detect any womb unpervections and biopsy the lining for any problems. Keep the love around you and build up to try once more. Thinking of you. Diane

[Salimali44]

Thank you for your advice and support ❤️

[Ginbaby]

I’m so sorry I know how you’ll be feeling 😭. We didn’t use donor eggs but used donor sperm. We had 4 failed transfers and finally on the 5th go it worked. I now have a 15 week old little boy. He’s cost us an absolute fortune which we are still paying for now but money will return. You’ve got this girl 🥰 xx

[Salimali44 in reply to Ginbaby]

Thank you so much for this. Four times feels like so many and makes me feel it’s unlikely to ever work but you have given me hope! Congratulations and thank you again for taking the time to make me feel like it can happen ❤️

[Nadja_bela]

So, so sorry...I know that feeling. I had negative test few days ago and our first DE transfer did not work, even everybody in the hospital were very positive. They told me that the success with DE is very high on the first transfer, which was not the case for me.

I do not have any special advice, just I would say to trust to your doctor, to be brave and to continue with this fight. Take supplements and of course, continue with your life.

[Salimali44 in reply to Nadja_bela]

After our first failed DE transfer the doctor was really positive. After all there’s only a 30% chance of success each time so he said in two out of three cases it won’t work- so I’m sure they’ll be very positive for your next try. Not sure about for us though- is three failures just unlucky or does it mean there’s something wrong with me? We can’t see the doc for a follow up till next week so will have to wait and see I guess.. Hope you are OK, and stay positive, sometimes we just have to keep trying!

[Doodlebug23]

Took me 5 BFNs, 1 chemical and 10 embryos to get my BFP with DE. I thought it was going to be my magical answer but it still took all that time, effort and heartache. No known fertility issues barr my age, which is why I went for DE. I was lucky I signed up to a refund guarantee programme which removed the financial stress as paid up front, although the travel and meds (Spanish clinic) started to add up. In the end it was Bondi protocol and modified natural that worked for me. No after no after no is a shitty feeling I know, but if you can then keep going. Sending you a massive tons of positive thoughts x

[Salimali44 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Wow, that is a lot. I don’t know if we can afford to go on so long… but if will power and hope can get us there then we will! Glad to hear it worked for you in the end ❤️

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Salimali44]

I did a refund guarantee programme luckily so the financial side was covered from the start. I did have one cycle left to go if I needed it. Sending you lots of luck 🍀

[Salimali44 in reply to Doodlebug23]

I’ll also look into the protocol you have mentioned - thank you for letting me know it’s not just me who is struggling. I thought DE would be easy so it is disappointing, but it makes me feel better to hear your story.

[Tinkertinkerbell]

Hi, I had 4 failed transfers and my 5th transfer worked. Currently 30 weeks. The first 2 transfers were my own eggs - then transfer 3 and 4 were donor eggs of ‘outstanding’ quality so when they failed I thought it was me and it was never going to work. I had one embryo left so before this I did the EMA, Alice and ERA biopsy. It turns out I needed probiotics and an extra 30 hours of progesterone. All my transfers had been on day 6 of progesterone and the biopsy showed my lining wasn’t yet receptive on day 6. So my 5th transfer was on day 7 of progesterone. I was sceptical that it would work but it did! So for me there was an answer- there was nothing wrong with me, I just needed to push for them to do the right tests to work out what was going on x

[Salimali44 in reply to Tinkertinkerbell]

Thank you so much for sharing- these stories give me some hope xx

[CyclingAddict]

I'm so sorry to read this. I know exactly how you feel. When I started IVF, the doctors told me not to worry. All my blood work came back OK, so we didn't anticipate any problems. It seemed like everything was in my favour. Despite this, I had four failed transfers and one chemical pregnancy. It took 6 transfers to finally become pregnant (and I'm now 39 weeks pregnant).

It's really easy to blame your body when you don't have the answers. There's so many reasons why a transfer might not work, even when the odds seem kinda good.

What helped me during those difficult times is doing everything I know I couldn't do while pregnant - I booked spa days and went in all the saunas, I ate a bunch of sushi, I booked an active holiday and went on long bike rides, runs and hikes. I also ran a marathon for charity. It made me feel a lot better and helped me to enjoy the life and body that I have. I think when we are going through IVF it's easy to forget that our body is so much more than just a vessel to carry a baby. So treat yourself. I also stayed away from situations that I thought I'd find stressful and was mindful of who I opened up to. Most people simply won't get it. I relied heavily on my husband and mum, as they were the 2 people in my life who did seem to understand.

Hope this helps. Please look after yourself and good luck X

[Salimali44 in reply to CyclingAddict]

Thank you for your message- this does really help. Sometimes it feels completely impossible so hearing your story and knowing that it can happen even after so many disappointments is really helpful. We have to have a break of trying now for financial reasons but I think this could be a good thing in a way. I’m going to try and take the time to get my life back a bit, do the things I used to enjoy and focus on some friendships I feel I’ve neglected. It’s hard to get out of the initial disappointment and depression but this group is helping and I’m trying to make plans with the belief that I will feel like myself again soon ❤️‍🩹