Back on this wagon after quite sometime and looking for some advice, thoughts & most importantly your valuable emotional support.
I’m 44 & after undergoing 3 IVFs & 1 IUI with my own eggs, have been advised by the consultant to consider the donor egg route as none of the cycles turned successful.
Owing to my age & low AMH (which again is age related) I’m aware this was anyways coming. Now hailing from a South Asian background, having a donor egg IVF in the UK is quite a challenge because of my ethnicity which is coaxing us to consider taking the cycle outside UK. Have been advised by the consultant to seek counselling offered by the clininc. Yet I was wondering if you wonderful ladies those who have or are already embarking on this donor gamete journey could spare out sometime to share your valuable thoughts.
Your response would be highly appreciated as I’m currently swept by this wave of enormous anxiety.
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Sbss
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Hi lovely, if you’ve not already listened to it, there’s a great podcast by Gaia (called Misconception) and one of the guests is Kreena Dhiman who had DE & a surrogate. She ended up finding a South African donor to reflect her heritage in their future child. Worth listen if haven’t already.
Hi Sbss, I'm just about to embark on our DE journey. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, I had to take time to grieve the loss of using my own eggs, some days I was positive about going down this route and other days wondered if I should be doing it. I'm 43 this year and know that it really is my only option now. We also had to spend time finding out if we wanted to use a clinic in the UK or abroad as they each have different protocols. We've opted abroad because the process will be quicker, it's the sister clinic to my one in the UK so I'll still get to have all my tests and scans local to me, we'll just pop to Spain for the actual procedures. I'd recommend taking time to research different clinics procedures as the more information you have it will help with your decision making.
We spoke to our clinic's counsellor as well and she was very helpful.
Wishing you all the luck on this difficult journey 😊🤞 xxx
Ditto! The other day when my consultant here in London discussed about the DE option it sounded very reassuring, cut to the the same night the reality of my own eggs meeting the expiry date hit me real hard. IVF is harsh & the one with DE is all the more brutal.
Thanks a bunch for the your valuable insight, means a lot! And all the very best for your cycle, baby dust your way.
I can relate we are also south Asian in heritage and we have decided to go along the DE route. We went thru Spain as DE are anonymous. We had to select a Donor that was not south Asian but Middle Eastern as we wanted a close connection to our faith but we are at peace with that. Currently 10 weeks pregnant!
It wasn’t easy for me to make the decision but my age 45 and 4 failed IVF after meeting my husband late in life it ended up being the best alternative route for us.
I still mourn the loss of my genes but other days I don’t. It’s becoming less and less as the pregnancy goes on. Only my mum knows we have gone down the DE route and I don’t plan to tell my siblings or my husbands family.
OMG, your story sounds so similar to mine, 3 failed IVFs & 1 failed IUI have taken enough toll on both mental and physical health DE to the rescue if at all it works. I, too, am planning to keep it up close & personal except for my mum because mothers know best.
So thank you so much for taking out time to reply & a huge congratulations your way. Also if you don’t mind me asking, did it work on the first attempt as the idea of taking multiple cycles abroad sends chill down my spine.
I didn’t enjoy being abroad if I’m honest but maybe it was the weather (raining) but we wanted an anonymous DE and that is only possible in Spain (European country)
I desperately want this pregnancy to go well and have a baby at the end. Just want to start a new life with a child and all the joy that brings.
Do I worry about the future? Yes I do. We are older parents. How will the child react to being a DE. We have added a new layer of complication to our life and I don’t know how that will affect us for the second half of our lives.
I know this baby was very much wanted and will be loved and I hope that will be enough.
IVF has been the worst 3 years of my life coupled with new marriage new place to live and new extended family. I never got to enjoy marriage as from even pre marriage it was about conceiving due to my age.
I have been miserable pushed friends and family away when IVF procedure has failed over and again. I’ve never spent so much time alone because in fear of people saying you left marriage late so pregnancy chances are low. I didn’t want to look back in 10 years time wish I had given IVF chance even when DRs said I had 5-2% chance with OEs.
Every women is different and in the end I opted for DE cos I don’t want to spend more money on IVF using OEs.
Hello Sbss, We've gone through DE IVF after 2 failed IVF cycles - round 1, the eggs didn't fertilise & in round 2, they didn't retrieve any eggs. So, DE was the best option for us rather than risk going through all that heartache again.
We had 6 donor eggs, but only one made it to transfer and I'll be having my 20 week scan next week!
It is a difficult decision to go down the route of DE, but I had advice from a couple of different consultants and having the counselling really helped too.
We thought we would have to wait 6 months to find a donor, but we were matched within 2 weeks!
I hope your journey goes well for you & you get the baby you've been longing for soon x
We had six own egg rounds, we had some success which ended in miscarriages and some failed rounds, we also had some natural miscarriages. In the end we were told due to my age (43 at the time) and cycle results they recommended donor eggs.
It took me a while to get my head round it all. And I had loads of doubts but I also knew that I couldn’t not try DE as it was my only real chance of successfully having a baby. We ended up having to wait a few years as I ended up needing an operation to improve our chances of success.. but at the age of 45 I had our first DE FET and by some miracle we got pregnant and I gave birth to our daughter a year ago aged 46.
It was absolutely the best thing we ever did! Motherhood isn’t always easy but I feel so blessed that we have our daughter. I won’t pretend that some thoughts crop up occasionally (eg does she look like her genetic mother, will she want to find her when she is older etc) but I love her more than anything else in heh world! I adore her, and she seems to adore me! She is my daughter and I am her Mummy. Honestly I wish I had done it years ago so that we could have given her a sibling too. I have zero regrets. Hope that helps - feel free to PM me if you have any queries.
Thanks a lot for taking out time to respond. Means a lot. Hearing experiences like yours only give me confidence. Shall for sure PM you in case I need any further information regarding the clinic you opted for DE only if you are fine with it.
Hello Sbss! I’m also Southeast Asian and my husband is Caucasian. I got pregnant naturally at 43 but ended up in miscarriage. We went IVF route after that, 2 cycles with OE which were unsuccessful. We then decided to go DE where the waiting time was 6 months. After 6months clinic came back to say that the donor didn’t comply with one requirement. I was devastated. After a few weeks we were offered an Indian donor whose lab results indicated the baby would have a very low chance to have Down’s. We couldn’t risk that so we waived it and which means we had to wait another 6 months. My clock was ticking and I thought I couldn’t wait any longer. I talked to my husband and I said I wouldn’t mind if the donor is no longer Asian. I’m good with Caucasian or anyone for that matter. I just wanted to have a baby, to be a mother no matter how the baby looks. We remembered we even wanted to adopt or foster. We got a dog 4 years ago because I just wanted to be a mother (even to a dog😝). We informed the clinic of our decision, we had counselling before the procedure. It’s not easy to accept that the baby won’t be genetically mine but what’s important for me is I will have a child and I will be his/her mother. At 49 I gave birth to twins and I didn’t look back. I adore them. They are the center of our world. They both look like their daddy. People have mixed comments that the boy looks a bit like me but the girl is purely daddy’s. To me they both look like my husband but I don’t care. All I know is that I love them with all of my being. Best of luck to you and hoping you will have your baby(s) in your arms soon. Sorry for the long story. 😛
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