I really am coming on for a little bit of advice / hope / guidance. I and my partner are 30, we've been trying to conceive for over 4 1/2 years and over 2 of that in the midst of IVF waiting lists etc. We've had two cycles, one no embryo made it to transfer second we got one blast but it was poor quality and sadly didn't transfer. The Drs suspect there is genetic factors at play, and although they can't tell whose gametes it is (or both) given the embryos have failed at such early stages this usually indicates an egg issue.
We are lucky in that we have 3 funded cycles and I know not everyone gets this, but now given our poor results they suggest an egg issue and have suggested donor egg (with my partners gametes) although I was devastated to learn that it's a minimum of 18 months waiting and a further 6 months after fertilisation before any embryo can be transferred. I feel like the journey to this point has been so long that I just can't see past the wait. We can go ahead with my own eggs for the 3rd cycle but this very much would appear to be against the Drs advice and likely to be unsuccessful anyways which as you all know is so hard to manage.
Sorry I know this is more of a rant than a question but I really would love to hear your experiences, and if people have managed such a long wait... again... and Ofcourse getting your head around donor eggs etc.
Thank you all 🫶
Written by
Pineapple2743
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hard post to read - sending a hug to you and your OH Also to say thinking of you at this difficult time Hope you have taken advantage of the counselling appointments you should be offered while on treatment Or take a look at The British Infertility Counselling Association bica.net This is not a free service but they are all specially trained in talking to couples with fertility issues Hope you get some replies to your post that are helpful & supportive
Thank you lovely that is so kind, yes indeed it has been an amazing resource to have the counselling on top of everything else. I think there is an additional counselling when it comes to donor eggs so that will be helpful, but I hadn't heard about the British Infertility Counselling thank you I will look into that now.
So we struggled with infertility for over 8 years, I have endometriosis and adenomyosis. Always had good quality eggs and embryos but they never stuck after 8 ivf I think (except once which was devastating when we had an ectopic). Then we move to surrogacy and my egg quality and number dropped significantly at this point. Finally on our last try for surrogacy we went with donor eggs and are now 16 weeks pregnant with twins. This is crazy after so long. I still struggle with a little bit the idea of donor eggs but honestly I'm just so excited after this long. I love my husband and he never had any issues so to feel like I can give him this and still get to be a mom and raise kids, for me that's all that matters. But having said that it wasn't an easy decision it took me a while to get to it and everyone has to make their own choices in this soul crushing journey.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm really sorry you experienced such a tough journey, but it is lovely to hear that through surrogacy you are now expecting twins. That is so lovely (and scary too I imagine!) and the end of such a tough chapter, absolutely families come in many shapes and it sounds like you will be an awesome parent. I wish you the best of luck, and thank you for sharing your story x
So sorry to hear of your struggles. Have you and your partner had the Karyotype blood test? As that can come up with some genetic anomalies. A friend of mine her partner had balanced translocation, which this then unlocked a new funding for her and a different clinic which specialised in those areas. I had the Karyotype test for me and my partner and it cost about £1000 for both of us. So whilst it’s not cheap it could give you some answers but obviously could also come back normal (as ours did). Wishing you all the luck xxx
I was going to say the same thing about karatyping. We did our at the very beginning of our ivf journey 8 years ago… we paid £150 per person for the test (we are in London) can’t believe how much it’s gone up!
Thank you for sharing, I hadn't heard of this and our clinic won't do any testing unless we have known hereditary genetic conditions Which is frustrating. I think if anything it would be helpful to rule anything out! Our clinic are suggesting there is something genetic at play but can't say anymore unfortunately.
With regards to using DE, for me it was the fact that the end goal was always to carry a baby and end up with a child. So the jump to DE wasn’t that too much of a hard decision for me personally. I’m now 31 weeks pregnant using donor egg and donor sperm and most of the time it doesn’t even cross my mind. This is my baby that I am growing. Try reading about Epigenetics it’s fascinating and may help you make peace with the decision.
Hey, thank you so much for your reply and sharing your story, 31 weeks is amazing not long until your little one arrives! I will certainly look at epigenetics thank you again, and best of luck!
I can't believe they are suggesting de at your age without any testing. How do they know it's your eggs and not sperm issue? If I were you and if finances allow have your partner tested first to be sure the issue is not on his side as you will have the same challenges with DE. Only once it's proven that all is well with your partner I would consider DE especially at your age
Unfortunately reproductive medicine is sexist. All the focus is the female partner. Quote from a doctor " the sperm, if it is within normal parameters, doesn't usually concern us, we can intervene at a great length in the lab"
It does seem that at 30 and with only two cycles is a little too soon, if egg reserve isn't low. But would they just jump to something so radical without some good indication? Especially if this is an NHS clinic/consultant where they are not bound by success rates. What I mean is that a private clinic is motivated to offer DE which has better success rates earlier as the more failures they have the lower their success rates. Whilst with NHS in my experience the outcome was the last thing in their mind. They just wanted to put you through the process and cross you off their lists.
As you say nhs just don't care. I have heard some horror stories when it comes to ivf on nhs. Personally I wouldn't even consider nhs for ivf but I appreciate that it all comes down to finances. Sperm has a big role to play when it comes to fertility and there are different tests that can be done to rule things out before making such important decision especially at the age of 30! If there are sperm or even other immune related issues DE won't help. I would also never trust success rates posted by private clinics as they have a way of playing with numbers. You need to do your own research and advocate for yourself.
Thank you for your reply, we have to be honest had two factor issues but recently it's just been me (suspected endometriosis and low AMH for my age). That was my thinking as it's the NHS I didn't think they wouldn't suggest something so radical without due cause, it would appear there is a genetic condition as seen by our extremely low fertilisation rates and the one embryo we did have was poor quality. they have also shared our case with a multidisciplinary team and all came to the same conclusion of donor egg. They did also say about donor embryo but that means loosing both our gametes which is also a big decision.
Thank you though, I do think we are going to seek a second opinion!
I was indeed shocked, they have discussed sperm and did give the option of a full donor embryo although given our extremely low fertilisation I think this typically indicates an egg issue. It's so tough as you want to be able to trust your medical professionals but I think a second opinion would be very helpful, thank you !
There are many similarities in your story with mine. Although I am older than you. Currently pregnant with DE. Like you I had 3 nhs cycles which I used for OE treatment. Like you I was never told clearly and definitely that the problem was my eggs, more likely gametes, more likely the eggs. I went on to have two more cycles with my eggs abroad until we moved to DE. It has been a long, expesive and exhausting road to get here but I don't regret giving my eggs the best chance I could. I am very happy and excited (when I manage to calm my anxiety) with my baby coming in a few months. She is mine all the way and right now genetics aren't a big thing, I rarely think of it. I am aware though that it will bring some complexities that otherwise we wouldn't face but it was the only way that we had available to have a baby at that point. We also had counselling which helped. I recommend accessing it if it is offered through the clinic or independently.
If I were you at the same point I would look for a 2nd opinion, independently from your current clinic. There's no harm in exploring things. Many clinics abroad offer a free first consultation with no obligation afterwards. I had many independent consultations paid or free though. I found that Drs usually bring up DE if you do not produce eggs/embryos or are over 40+ or you had a few failed transfers with no other issues.
Please feel free to message me of you want to chat more xx
Thank you for sharing your journey, I'm sorry you have experienced such a difficult time, but it is lovely to hear you are now expecting your girl through DE! That is honestly wonderful to hear, and also that the genetic factors don't really come into it much. I've seen there is some great resources on the donor network aswell for sharing story etc.
Would you mind me asking where you had your treatment abroad? I've been (as you do) looking at other options!
Thank you again, I am going to opt for a second opinion and have seen that they are often no obligation... I will certainly give you a message thank you and hopefully not too long till your little girl arrives x
hi, I would also seek a second opinion if you can. There seems to be some very vague advice given by the doctor.
From a DE point of view, 18 months does seem a long time now but it will go quickly once things start to move. I was 42, nearly 43 when I moved to donor eggs and I recommend the donor counselling the clinic should offer and joining the Donor Conception Network to chat to people in a similar position. It’s a really friendly and welcoming group.
I have one OE son and have just welcomed my DE daughter and she was the best decision I ever made. I adore them both equally and at 42, I really feared that my chance to carry a baby was coming to an end.
You are much younger than me and it is worth exploring the genetic causes of the cycles so far if you want to. You have plenty of time for DE, they will always be there, and you will know when the time is right and you feel peace with your chosen direction. At the time, I found DE to be a really big deal and then my best friend said to me ‘it doesn’t have to be a thing’ and she was so right. Once my daughter was here, it seemed like she was the baby I was always meant to have and I wouldn’t change her for the world 🩷🩷
Good luck 🍀 it feels tough at the moment but it will get easier xx
i am sorry to hear you go through this but i am also happy for you that you are so strong! you've started trying from a very early age so it needs to be a fertility issue there that your doctors haven't manage to identify? maybe you've done all the tests but I felt like telling you about salpingography, self immune diseases or endometriosis? unless you have a very low AMH, other issues could be fixed if diagnosed and get the right treatment. Have you ever considered change doctor and/or clinic?
i am sorry i have no advice about the egg donoring part that I would advice you to go for that third round!
I definitely second the advice here for a second opinion while you wait for NHS. Also get a sperm dna fragmentation done as many have normal standard sperm analysis but issues on the dna frag test (WHO say it should be standard investigation to do, NHS/UK clinics not caught up). Also if they think could be genetic you surely should be offered full karyotype test for you and your partner on NHS.
Not exact same but I know of someone who was strongly advised by NHS to do surrogacy, due to thin lining issues, with barely any investigations. After 2 cycles. And then did get success herself on 3rd without surrogate. I think NHS just want to get you through and tick box your treatment complete. So please take plenty of other advice before you give up on your own eggs.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Double donor cycle failed so upset
Donor egg appointment 
donor egg, fresh or frozen
