I feel so silly

[Brie889]

feeling so silly and embarrassed right now. We have just found out that our close friends are pregnant and I have spent the last hour crying uncontrollably in the bathroom. How can I deal with this time and time again. I feel like every one around us is getting pregnant and I’m just here crying and dreading my prostap injection on Wednesday that will put me into a menopausal situation. How do we carry on. Has anyone else had any awful dark thoughts too? I have scared myself a few times xx

[CardiGrey]

Hi Brie, one of the most primal feelings in this world is to procreate. You are not silly. You are human. There’s nothing I want more than to be a mother and I imagine if I can’t be, my life will be pretty bleak. A lot of us here feel like that and it’s completely normal when it feels your body seems incapable of the very thing that makes us human- to give life. What you’re experiencing is completely normal and it can take you to dark places but even on the darkest of nights, the sun will rise again. What I will say is please don’t give up. Do you have a good support system around you? If not, you have us. We understand. Everyone who gets pregnant has their story and you will have yours. Some of our happy endings are just a little further way that’s all. Thinking of you ❤️ xx

[Brie889 in reply to CardiGrey]

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[MD54999]

It's completely normal. I once broke down crying in the middle of a packed cafe because I found out a close friend was pregnant by surprise. It's such a difficult and emotional journey, and it's impossible not to have reactions when people close to you get something you so desperately want. Things will get better and definitely don't give up but give yourself time to process. I found counselling helped me through some of the darker days, it might be worth looking into if you haven't tried it before. Sending support your way xxx

[Brie889 in reply to MD54999]

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[TeddyBear5]

you are not silly! It’s so hard, upsetting and depressing. I’ve also had those dark thoughts, it’s scary and exhausting.

A couple of things that might help. One is to find a counsellor who specialises in infertility. I found this late in my journey but it was a revelation finding someone that understood and knew all the terminology.

The other thing (slightly embarrassed to admit this) is that I had another friend who also suffered infertility and we had a points system. It wasn’t an exact science but it was sort of funny/helped us with some dark humour to deal with friends and acquaintances who became pregnant. So if you were nice, had infertility issues and got pregnant- we were happy for you, still envious, but you got some points. If you weren’t very nice (evil work colleague for example), no fertility issues which you bragged about and got pregnant you got no points 🤣 writing it down sounds ridiculous, we didn’t allocate exact points, seemed to be either you got none, some or all 🤣🤣. We’d laugh about each other, i got points for needing a sperm donor, lost some for having a baby, then got loads more for having further infertility issues and losing a baby. She’s gets all the points because my dear friend was never able to conceive. It helped us to have a common language and also navigate our own experience in relation to each other.

Lastly, you can be simultaneously happy for someone else and totally gutted when there is a pregnancy announcement. Lost count of how many times I’ve cried at these. It was easier if they had more points 🤣🤣

Not trying to make light of your situation, just know you aren’t alone and there is help out there.

[Brie889 in reply to TeddyBear5]

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[HollyT7]

you just do, you carry on because you want this more than anything. Every pregnancy announcement hurts and even after success I still don’t get joy from them, I just think how unfair it is (not taking into account if they secretly struggled). Your one day closer to this happy ending being you, all of it will be worth it, every single tear. You’ve got this far, you never know what’s around the corner XX

[Brie889 in reply to HollyT7]

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[BenjitheG]

Sending a massive hug. It’s so challenging navigating it when someone tells you their “happy news” your very much not alone with that pain. I find it especially hard when someone tells you in person and you have no space to deal with the emotions in your own time, especially if it’s people who don’t know what you’re going through.

Your feelings of sadness are just as valid as their current excitement. If you need to distance yourself from them for a while, that’s ok and please give yourself some time to heal.

A counsellor said something to me recently which resonated and helped. She said a friend can be a source of support but as soon as they announce pregnancy it can turn into a source of trauma. It really made me realise that I’m allowed to feel the deep pain those announcements inflict as it is a type of trauma.

You did the right thing reaching out to this lovely group as it’s a forum who all completely understand how that feels. It will get easier and as others have said see if you can find some 1:1 support through a counsellor it may help. Wishing you the very best on your journey Xx

[Brie889 in reply to BenjitheG]

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[Krystal_43]

It’s so bloody hard isn’t it 💀 When I was somewhere between my 1st & 3rd cycle, I remember bawling in the shower after finding out my lovely neighbour was pregnant & faking zoom connection issues after my sister in laws pregnancy announcement during lockdown family quiz sent me hysterical 🫣🫣🫣 It was really tough. After my third cycle failed, I decided to have therapy because I started to realise that this might not happen for me, & I was worried I’d lose myself in the process… That was probably the best thing I did as it helped me retrain my thoughts so I could cope better with these inevitable moments. One of the things that helped most was telling myself “I don’t want their baby” - sounds daft but really helped me to be happy - xxx sending lots of love

[Brie889 in reply to Krystal_43]

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[Christianbaby]

Hi Brie. I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now. It's okay to give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions. Bottling them up can make things even more challenging. Lean on your support system. ❤️

You're doing the best you can, and your feelings are valid. Keep holding onto hope and know that there are brighter days ahead. xx

[Brie889 in reply to Christianbaby]

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[GemRim]

It’s not silly at all. All of my close friends around me have become pregnant whilst undergoing my journey and it hurts just as much every time. Just don’t give up, as hard as that is. Best of luck to you x

[Brie889 in reply to GemRim]

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[WillowPark]

Hi Brie86, just wondering how you are feeling today? Hoping you got some sleep and are feeling a bit brighter.

[Brie889 in reply to WillowPark]

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[lighthouse27]

Hi Brie, not silly at all. This is a normal reaction, i'm sure at least 95% of the women on this group have been in the same position. It so so tough but its our journey that we need to focus on. I keep reminding myself of that when I hear of a pregnancy, that someday it will be us. Keep strong and if you need to chat, we are all hear for you x❤️

[Brie889 in reply to lighthouse27]

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[Brie889]

Thank you to everyone who has replied and messaged me. Such kind words from each of you and I’m feeling the love ❤️.

I was in a bad state yesterday but I’m feeling much better today. It’s such a relief to know that you are all here and can’t thank you all enough for every single kind word and the support from you all.

I am starting some hypnotherapy sessions in the next few days so hopefully that will help with my emotions and how I am feeling about everything.

It’s just when you think you have everything under control then you get thrown on another rollercoaster

Xxxx

[Star241]

Absolutely nothing silly about how you feel xxxx it’s important to recognise this and deal with it and if crying is it then that’s it xxx

[Ree_Laine]

Hi lovely,

I just want to say I empathise completely with you as this was me yesterday at work crying in the toilet. A colleague announced their pregnancy and whilst I was very happy for him and his partner I was shattered inside. Just a feeling of disappointment and sadness for myself. I can’t explain it but speaking to my other half and my mum they’ve said it’s normal to feel this way. I just wanted to say you’re not alone and hoping we’re soon to be congratulated in our journey 💕