So happy but so sad

My sister is 12 weeks pregnant and found out today my cousin is 8 weeks pregnant...with twins...by accident.

I burst out crying as soon as I left and I don't know why. Well I do.

I'm so happy for them both, I really am but I didn't realise how hard this would be.

But they are the only 2 people I'm close to who could get pregnant so I guess it's all done in one!

Just needed to tell someone who understands xx

20 Replies

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  • Hi Megan, I definitely understand what you're feeling, I have 2 brothers who both have 5 kids each and each time it was so so difficult. I felt so horrible for feeling so upset, but when you go through what we are going through it's understandable and to be expected. Just do what you need to do to cope with what you're feeling x

  • Thank you for your reply.

    And I feel awful for it but it also upsets me because no one has asked if I'm ok (except my fiancรฉ he knew as soon as he saw me, told me to take my sunglasses off to see my eyes hahah)

    I don't want to make it about me, but a considerate 'are you ok' would be nice.

    He's buying me wine! that's my coping mechanism, bad but true.

    Thank you again, sorry you've had to feel this aswell xx

  • Hey lady

    Dont feel bad i stay of this websitr mostly because i habe ceased treatment and my heart breaks everytime for a bfp and its not me and although i am happy for them i will be honest and say that i find myself feeling a little bitter which i suppose is human we All have that in us and i am being totally honest with my feelings.

    So dont feel bad right now its the waybt2hings are and i am sure you will get your day too xxx

    This is a very very hard journey it will take every bit of strength and more that you have.

  • Pregnancy announcements are always tinged with sadness for those of us who have fertility issues. And you've had a double whammy with 2 so close together. It's good your fiance is supportive, probably others haven't even thought about how you might be feeling - this isn't a dug at them they just don't get how pregnancy announcements can cause the strange mixture of joy & jealousy/sadness.

    Enjoy the wine!

  • Oh, I did thank you! Xx

  • It's never that we are not happy for others that pregnant it's more the disappointment that we are not. We have all been there. Just think how much more special and exciting your baby will be when that time

    Comes around xx

  • Oh yes this is such a difficult thing for us to deal with isn't it... I was in a similar situation 2 nearly three years ago. We fell pregnant after using Clomid, and my sister and 2 cousins were also in early pregnancy. We miscarried and the three of them went on to have their beautiful babies, now toddlers. Every family gathering is painful now and as bad as it sounds I now tend to avoid going. I've had some really bitter, awful thoughts towards others during this journey so don't worry your reaction is completely normal, just know you are not alone and we will get there one day xxxx

  • I feel for you, I've had to go through this several times myself, no one, and I mean literally no one will be able to feel what you felt even if they ask you 'if your ok'.

    Just try to go to all your invites and mix in, the more you alienate yourself the more you will feel the pressure and will therefore be sad.

    You are doing everything you can and one fine day you will be blessed with your own child. X

  • This is a topic that I also find incredibly hard. I always try to be a good person but similarly have had such awful bitter thoughts when people close to me have told me they are pregnant I find it incredibly hard going. My husband must be a nicer person than me because he's always so genuinely happy for others ๐Ÿ˜ž Don't beat yourself up we all go through it, and it doesn't mean you're not happy deep down for them, it just means your brain just can't cope with such complex feelings. You just have to grin and bear it I afraid!! Cus one day it'll be you and you'll appreciate all those people being happy for you too xxx

  • Know how u feel Hun!! It is really hard to go thru this and the constant battle between feeling happy for them but so sad for yourself!! we have to grit our teeth and bare it but it's tough!! Sending u big hugs xxx

  • Such a tough situation to hear when you are trying so hard yourself. Once the babies are here you will love the closeness to them tho, we found ourselves friends and relatives where the kids would just be so affectionate to us it really helped ease the pain.

    Once the initial shock is over you can move past it and look forward to the day when you can have the same situation as them xx

  • I feel your pain it's so dam hard. Big hugs xxxx

  • Hey,

    We all understand exactly how your feeling. It's so hard!!

    I've been in the situation several times and it totally breaks you. You feel bad for feeling upset but it's completely natural.

    One day you'll be the one announcing your pregnancy and just keep reminding yourself of how amazing and special that day will be when it comes.

    Take care xxx

  • You've definitely found understanding here Hun, you are so not alone. My sister in law is pregnant and telling my hubbys parents today and that will be a lovely moment for them, we're just so sad that we're not getting to do that and worry we never will. I should be feeling positive & excited as we're starting our next cycle in a couple of weeks but after 3 failures I just feel weary and worried about how I'm going to cope watching her grow & hearing all the excited baby talk if it doesn't work again (what a negative nelly I am! ๐Ÿ™ˆ)

    I'm also kinda expecting an announcement from my sister as she's been trying since a miscarriage about a year ago, before she very sadly lost that baby she'd told me she was pregnant and I had a complete meltdown (not with her so she didn't see it) I've never doubted before whether I'm a good person or not but infertility reeeeaaaallly makes you question yourself! The complexity of feeling happy for them but so sad for yourself is really head smashing.

    I hope they're sensitive to your feelings, if you're close perhaps be really frank about how it's hard for you despite your happiness for them, that's what I plan to do if it's someone close again next. Sending hugs xx

  • Thank you for your reply, my mum and dad actually came to me today and asked how I am and that everyone is thinking of me, that my cousin said she felt awful telling me yesterday. I didn't think anyone had given me a Second thought to be honest!

    Good luck for your next cycle, I'll be thinking of you! Xx

  • Aw, you know, all the people who love you do really care. They just don't always know when/what to say. I bet they all really wish they could make it better for you.

    If only magic wands existed.

    ๐ŸŒ 

  • Hi Megan. I lost my best friend over all of this. When she told me she was pregnant after only being married 5 months (we'd already been struggling for 2 and a half years), I said how thrilled I was for her and how lucky she was. Her reply was , yes but I don't know if I can have another one. Her insensitivity and frankly lack of appreciation made it really difficult for me to be around her. We've since drifted apart and I now don't have a best friend. It's really hard. I hope your sister and cousin are sensitive to your feelings. xxx

  • I'm so sorry you had to deal with that with a friend! Some people just don't know the impact of the things that they say xxx

  • Hey

    Like many others have said I think it's something that most of us feel. I will never forget my best friend telling me they were pregnant. He was one of the only ones that I had told about the problems we were having. It was the summer last year when I had received about 5 missed calls I messaged to say I was out watching England only to receive a photo message of a pregnancy test and lots of smiley faces. I think my heart literally broke. Not because I was unhappy for him but more out of sadness that I may never have the same and a small realisation of everything that we have to face. I've nearly lost my BF through this.

    It hurt nearly as much when one of my other friends partners unexpectedly announced their pregnancy. They didn't have a clue what we are facing. I welcomed the news and congratulated them. They mix in our social circle and I nearly stopped mixing with them but I am just about managing with them.

    Basically I am saying you are not alone. It's such a scary place and it brings out feelings most of us didn't know we had or even existed within us. Its not us and it's completely natural. I'm sending you all the luck in the world xx

  • Thank you <3

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