I am in the middle of FET medications in preparation for transfer. I was supposed to have this transfer in October but it was cancelled due to spotting from the lining. Everything seems OK from a lining point of view this time.
However something has suddenly come up in my immediate family which is very worrying and I now feel I cannot focus on my transfer. I need to be there for my family.
I am worried to do the transfer whilst under significant stress / potential distress. Whether it was positive or negative I am unsure if I could cope.
I am considering cancelling.
Has anyone had similar and what did you do?
Thank you.
Xx
Written by
Skittles11
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Hi I just wanted to say that I am so sorry you are facing extra stress/worry at this time.
You have been through so much & having had delays for this FET already I know it has been frustrating for you. Going through treatment puts you under a lot emotionally & physically so I understand your concerns.
I do not know what to suggest but hopefully you have the strength in whatever you decide.
hi skittles been thinking of you lately. It can be so tough but I would definitely consider postponing as it’s a FET. I had to balance a few things during treatment as my dad was very unwell. Sometimes I chose to take a break and sometimes I chose to carry on. I don’t think there is a right answer other than listening to your body and knowing if you can hold the stress of either outcome of treatment. There were times I couldn’t so I hit pause. Thinking of you xxx
so sorry to hear you are going through something. Personally I would postpone. I’ve had a distressing family event right after egg retrieval and I don’t think I would have felt able to do FET during it at all, I was glad that because I had opted for a frozen cycle with testing I needed the break anyway.
Whatever you decide though i wish you all the best. It’s all very personal.
so sorry to hear this Skittles11 - it’s so unfair, you’ve been through so much.
It’s a very personal decision. From experience, my beloved Gran died suddenly during our first round and I found it extremely hard to cope with. I then faced the grief of a failed transfer. Our glass can only get so full, but only you know how much is too much.
Sending love and thinking of you xxx
hi Skittles11
Sorry to hear this news. It’s a really difficult situation. Your embryos are waiting for you whatever you decide. Personally, I would probably wait as I would want to physically and mentally in the right frame of mind going into this, as the hrt for fet is a complete mind f&;k and don’t even start with the TWW. But, I can only comment on what I would do.
I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do. Good luck
Hi! Sorry to hear everything you are going through right now. For me, personally, I would choose to postpone. FETs can be really stressful enough and if you are in a position where there is more stress, it might not be healthy for you. I always try to "condition my mind and body" prior to a procedure and avoid stress as much as I possibly can. I hope everything goes well for you. xx
Hi, only you can decide what is the right thing to do. I was in the middle pf treatment when we got told my dad had days to live. I knew he wouldn't want me to cancel so continued, also didn't want to be bsck on a waiting list etc. The transfer was the day after the funeral. I was crying alot during this time but i alway felt comforted that my dad knew i was mid cycle and i like think he helped in his own way. The cycle was successful, i now have my wee boy and his middle name is after my dad. People say he looks like him and i love it. All the best of luck in what ever you decide!
be kind to yourself. Consider postponing. Your not cancelling. Have some accunpunture get a few relaxing lympathic massages and meditate if you can get into it xxx
Hi Skittles. I had this happen to me and although I didn’t feel it was the right decision to go ahead I did on the advice of the hospital and also other factors that came into it. It’s a very personal decision, for me the treatment was unsuccessful on that attempt but I went ahead with it and it was the right decision at that time when considering the pros and cons. Xx
The two successes I had were when I was under significant stress and I don't think it actually changes the outcome, more it's how it affects you and do you want the extra pressure - even just having to go to appointments - when really you want to focus on something else for a while. With my FET it was like I was just going through the motions tbh and I didn't expect it to work, the stress almost felt like self sabotage to just get the inevitable (BFN/loss) out of the way. But even in that numb state, I think there is always some layer of additional stress associated with them, and things not going right (lining issues etc) then the 2ww, which even if not necessarily stressful consumes your thoughts. Plus if it is successful, will you worry about the impact of the stress or if it ends blame yourself that it was the wrong time, you weren't in the right state etc. As I said I don't actually think it does change anything but if you're going to agonise and regret and be hard on yourself, then as it's a FET there's no catastrophe in postponing - everything's there waiting for you and time not really a factor. The only other perspective I can give if that when it started to look like my pregnancies may actually have a chance, I felt so strong and resilient, and like I had something new to protect and be strong and well for. So it was like they protected me and made me stronger, and I could deal with the stress I had been under much better and not let it get to me. Just find a decision you feel most at peace with and then support yourself to think you made the best choice possible in a very hard situation. x
For my 4th transfer I was chilled, focused on the transfer, and ended up with my first positive even though it ended in a chemical. For my 5th transfer I had some spotting a few days before transfer which sent my stress levels soaring. Then a bleed before transfer sent them through the roof and they didn’t ever come down until I got the signs the transfer had failed. Who knows if the stress was a factor but I’m definitely wondering if it was.
Such a difficult decision to make, and if you are strong willed and impatient like me you won’t want to postpone. Is your cause of the stress likely to be resolved any time soon, could it get worse, if you postpone now can you get another transfer easily when you’re ready?
If you go ahead and it fails will you blame it on the stress? X
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. It sounds like you’ve already decided and just need a bit of validation? Here it is - do what your gut tells you. IVF is super stressful and if your glass is already full just delay it a little bit, you’re in a good position with a frozen embryo ready to go, it will still be there when things settle down.
Try this - say your decision out loud, don’t let yourself change your mind for a day, and see how you feel. If there’s some sense of relief/weight off your shoulders then you know you’re doing what’s right for you.
Good luck and sending hugs for you and your family x
It's really tough when you do it but in time you'll probably feel more comfortable with your decision. I had to cancel a long waited for transfer in September as my stress leading up to it (had a lot of issues trying to move clinics, polyps etc) lead to an issue with dizziness which stopped me in my tracks, I'm only just going back to work next week. I was really upset about it at the time, but thankfully feeling so much better and I think, more prepared to try again when my next period starts in the next week or so. Wishing you the best of luck when you are ready to try again x
Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm sorry to hear that you had some challenges in the year which also meant you were stopped in your tracks. Wishing you lots of luck for re-starting and also your return to work xx
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