Feeling angry after 4th BFN

[Doodlebug23]

I’ve just tested 2 days earlier than my OTD 8dp 5dt using an early pink dye test and the result couldn’t have been any more negative if it had tried.

3rd transfer I felt bloated, sore boobs, cramps. I felt pregnant, which I realise were obviously symptoms from the meds, and was shocked when I got a BFN.

This time I did literally everything right, even all the old wives tales. I had new donors and got 7 embryos. This AA (in my obviously non expert opinion) looked so much better than the previous 3.

Not sure if I was trying to not set myself up for a fall but this time I didn’t feel pregnant at all. I’m just feeling really angry rather than upset (at the moment) and feeling like it’s never going to work.

Not sure what I’m hoping for from this post tbh! I know lots of others are going through many worse issues, and I’m lucky I have 6 frosties, but why aren’t these embryos sticking??!! 😰😰😰😰😰

[KHRAM]

I’m so sorry, I got a BFN too at 9dpt feeling so angry too and upset, I know it was only my first round but I just was hoping I was lucky.

I know how feel I just wanted to say you are not alone I’m sorry 😞

[Doodlebug23 in reply to KHRAM]

Thankyou. I think I just wanted to talk where I knew people understood. Do you have some Frosties?

[KHRAM in reply to Doodlebug23]

Only 2 and not as top grade as the one transferred 😞

[Doodlebug23 in reply to KHRAM]

I only had 1 fresh and 2 Frosties first round. And remember it only takes 1….

[Weegran20]

So sorry you feel angry, that's ok , you have been through a lot but maybe you need to wait ( it’s not over till the fat lady sings ) . Some tests could be unreliable . 6frosties is marvellous …. Don’t give up hope it will happen one time . Stay positive .🍍❤️

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Weegran20]

I know I’ve tested early, but I couldn’t face waiting 2 more days to get a BFN. Last time I really thought it had but this time I just know it hasn’t 😔

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Weegran20]

Sorry yes I know I’m really lucky to have 6 Frosties. I had only 3 embryos first round so 7 this time was amazing. X

[Skittles11]

Oh no, I'm so sorry to read this. I know it can be frustrating when people say maybe it's too early to test, as you know your own body and can get a sense for these things based on the past. So I won't say any of that. Your anger is totally justified going through transfer after transfer. Maybe there are additional tests your clinic can do to see if anything else needs addressing e.g. to check for polyps or fibroids (sorry not sure if you've done things like this already)? Xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Skittles11]

I just don’t feel this time that it’s worked. Not sure why. I’ve not had any additional tests. I’m on a refund programme so not sure if they will offer anything now after 4 failed transfers. All tests I mentioned before they said they were all unproven. I also want to try a double transfer… x

[PagingMom]

You have every right to be angry. What you've been through isn't easy. And it's so frustrating. Just keep going. It's a good thing you got the 6.

[Doodlebug23 in reply to PagingMom]

I’m on a refund programme so luckily I don’t have to worry about giving up cause I’ll just keep going till all embryos are gone. Though the thought of that terrifies me….

[WillowPark]

So sorry Doodlebug23 . Keeping everything crossed you get a good surprise in the next few days, but if you don't then just know that anger is a perfectly acceptable response (as is grief when that appears). Infertility is very, very hard and very, very unfair.

[AuroraXen]

Ah love. I'm so sorry. I started to get angrier as each BFN racked up - less teary but more and more angry. I think it's very natural 💔 Have you had things like ERA and microbiome tests? I'm thinking of you x

[Doodlebug23 in reply to AuroraXen]

Did you get your BFP in the end? I’m just feeling really empty this time, like a robot. Almost feels now like the past few weeks never happened. I’ve not had any extra tests. I’m on a refund programme so not sure how many failed transfers before they may want additional tests as I’ve paid up front so now costs apart from my meds are all on them so hopefully that means that they will offer extra tests to get my BFP asap x

[Boo718]

hiya I’m so sorry to read this. I’ve been down the double donor route. Did u get them pgta tested? Even though the donor was only in her 20s we got all donor embryos tested and a heap came back abnormal. I also found the era emma and Alice tests really beneficial too xxx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Boo718]

No none have been tested. And my clinic said I could pay for the tests but weren’t recommending them. I’m really keen to see what the doctor says at my next consult x

[Boo718 in reply to Doodlebug23]

They didn’t recommend them to us either due to the donors age but we thought we would go ahead anyway. It saved us transferring a number of abnormal embryos xxx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Boo718]

It’s the added cost of it too, but I guess it’s weighing up that compared to the cost of repeat failed transfers. X

[Boo718 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Yeh we sat down and was like 2000 to pgta test them or 1500 per transfer xxx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Boo718]

I’m on a programme so my transfers are all included so I only have the cost of meds, scan and travel x

[Kimbob82]

So sorry for your bfn. I know the feeling. Have you had immune testing done? You could be just wasting embryos if you haven't done any investigations into why they aren't sticking...

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Kimbob82]

I asked after 3rd failed transfer and my clinic said it’s a numbers game let’s try again. New donors this time so I was really hopeful I would get that BFP. I’m keen to hear what they say now after 4th failed 😔

[Kimbob82 in reply to Doodlebug23]

I would say (in my opinion) it's a numbers game for first couple of transfers... after that I'd investigate before any more transfers. There's a great book called 'is my body baby friendly' by Dr Alan Beer. Can order it online. A very interesting and eye opening read. Good luck x

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Kimbob82]

Thanks I’ll take a look x

[Rella22]

I know you don't want to hear this now but it truly only takes one to stick. I'm so happy to know you have 6 frosties, that's amazing. I'll be praying for you.I'm midway in my medicated FET and just had the doctor call to say my lining is fine but there is fluid and scaring of the tissue so it's looking less optimistic than I'd expected a few weeks back. I know that crushing and angry feeling, Unfortunately IVF is such a gruesome experience. Thankfully we have a great forum such as this for times where we need to vent, seek some guidance and support.

Praying for good outcome for you. Hang in there 🙏

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Rella22]

I do want to hear it! I’m the negative Nelly right now after going on about manifesting and channelling the positive energies of the universe. There are so many extra tests people mention but my clinic aren’t recommending any of them. Keen to see what they say at next consult.

My next transfer will be medicated FET. Which I prefer as feels more controlled. I’m going to push for double transfer. I had a MMC a few years ago so just thought by using donor eggs they would just implant nicely as I’d removed the issue of my age.

This is the first time I’ve been on here since starting this journey and I wish I’d found it sooner!

[Comfortingsoul]

I’m really sorry 😞 sending hugs xx

[SushiTilly]

Hey, your not alone sadly, I had my second BFN on donor cycle. Just heartbreaking. Clinic didn't have anything to say. They're happy to do extra tests only, if it makes me feel better. It is certainly roll of the dice. I wonder if IVF will start to drop in price given chances of becoming a parent is unpredictable. It's a lot to your body through, positive outcomes do exist. Give yourself time to let your feelings come to the surface, talk with your clinic, then plan for your next cycle. Having six embryo is good, take some time to rest. I'm taking a break in November then back to it with test cycle then another FET in Jan. Maybe your clinic can do mock cycle and run tests.

[Doodlebug23 in reply to SushiTilly]

My clinic after 3rd failed just wanted to carry on. I’m hoping after 4th they will want to do more tests or try something new. I’m getting disillusioned with it all now tbh 😰

I tested at home 2 days early - don’t know why, probably cause hears people getting a positive early, but I won’t again. Clinic just made sure I was still taking meds and reiterated I should test on OTD abs not early. I emailed them saying it’s BFN can you book my next consult please 🙈 The are great, so I know as soon as it’s BFN on OTD they’ll book a zoom call for next week.

I don’t want a break, I just want to get on with it. I’m impatient full stop so this is no different 🙈 I had a mock cycle before starting which went ok and on the whole the only issue I see to have is embryos sticking.

I think I’m hoping that I can try again with next cycle but that they will be will to do some extra tests when I go over there due transfer 😐

[SushiTilly in reply to Doodlebug23]

Really good the clinic will support you, run some extra test the more information they can gather the better they can advise you so you can make the decision that is right for you.

Give yourself space to take it all in, clinic will support in arranging your next cycle. Whatever extra add on they offer worth checking out HFEA for guidance as well.

My clinic came back this morning offering blood test on Natural Killer cells, I've asked them what can they do? HFEA immunology testing isn't effective, way they test is via blood sample, not uterus. Always worth getting second opinion if you find yourself getting additional tests. However, there are add ons and tests that help, they can test best timing for FET as well based on when uterus is most perceptive.

I fully empathise, we're in this together on this network. I wish you get the family you desire, you are strong person with lots of love to give.

Xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this doodlebug, it’s heart breaking. Praying one of your 6 Frosties bring some luck 🍀

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou x