feeling really down

[Doodlebug23]

Had my 3rd BFN a couple of weeks ago and I’m really struggling now. Can’t concentrate at work, making mistakes, don’t want to be around anyone 😓😓😓

[Blessed5510]

I’m so sorry to hear this for you. Are you able to take a few days to yourself to grieve ? This road is such a rollercoaster. With its high highs and very low lows. Praying for you. I know the feeling of so well! We just had a miscarriage at 6 weeks with our surrogate. Ask you doctor questions to see what your next steps are. Wishing you the best!

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Blessed5510]

I could take some time off but I’d just stew on it. It’s better when working from home but had to go into the office. I had a miscarriage a few years ago 💕

Next steps for me are we just go again… xx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Doodlebug. I hoped you would have support around you still, as I was so sorry to hear this. Per haps you could confide in a close friend or relative. Perhaps some counselling might help. You could try bica.net they are good at what they do and cover all aspects of fertile treatment and relationships. There is a charge but not too much. Have a look and see what you think. Hope you soon feel better. Diane

[Doodlebug23 in reply to DianeArnold]

I am lucky I do have support but it’s nice to talk to people who know exactly how it feels. I’ll look into counselling x

[PagingMom]

Hi, so sorry you are at this state right now. Perfectly understandable considering this is your 3rd BFN. Try pampering yourself. And also seek out a therapist as that can really help. Hope you feel better soon. Sending you hugs!

[Skittles11]

Hey Really sorry you are feeling low

I understand as this really takes its toll. I felt so hopeless myself recently and when you are in that place it can be hugely difficult to be around people, at work and going on like things are okay when they feel far from. Have you spoken to your clinic re next steps? Sometimes I feel this can help to know what's next. Also someone to talk to can be helpful whether a good friend or a counsellor or similar. As someone above has posted, the lows on this journey can be ultimate lows and hoping you make your way through them and feel a tad better each day xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Skittles11]

I had my call with them on Tues. positives are there’s no reason it’s not working and they are more than happy to just keep going. I’m lucky I have one friend in particular who’s always there and easy to talk to. I have already asked her to be my birthing partner! It’s nice to speak to others who really really get it though x

[Babytocome]

I am sorry for how you feel right now, but if you have been in this journey it means you are already a strong person, maybe talking with a counsellor will help. Some people takes days off as being at work is not easy, I tend to watch comic movies and do chorus in charities organisations, it channels my low thoughts to happy ones. Hope you can find something that helps you out too!

[magda22]

If you want a recommendation for a fertility specialist councillor, message me. I've been seeing her for years and I find her amazing. She does online and over the phone for people who aren't near her geographically. Even a few sessions can help move you out of a a really sad place when you are stuck. So sorry to hear your recent news, it really is such a roungh journey. I always found a holiday, a physical break somewhere else, if possible, really helpful.

[Doodlebug23 in reply to magda22]

Thankyou. I have had counselling before unrelated sort of and it did help. X

[Nabsal]

Oh dear really sorry to hear this.I also just had failed transfer it’s came negative whole cycle failed. Can’t explain feelings 😭

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Nabsal]

Can’t explain and I don’t think you can really understand unless been there. X

[Nabsal in reply to Doodlebug23]

True dear

[Pocahontas2023]

Sending you a big hug.

Its such a crushing feeling and you are absolutely right. I wonder if the world felt what we feel on this journey what their expectations would be of us working and going about our days as if we can just do this thing on the side.

It is sometimes also very personal how we deal with this grief. One can turn on the shower and have a good cry. One can turn to their partner and ask them to just be with them and hold them as it might make it a bit bearable when sharing it.

What do you think works for you?

❤️

[hifer]

Hi there, sorry to hear this. I get it. Totally. I’ve had five failed transfers. It hits me every single time. Even when I think it might be a bit easier. People have suggested counselling and I couldn’t recommend it enough. I had some after my second miscarriage but it wasn’t enough. I’ve been on a very long fertility journey so I have lots to unpack but I now see someone weekly. Because no one understands unless they have been through it, I’ve been bottling up a lot over the years which turns out to be quite unhelpful (for me). I hope you can find something which helps x

[Mudra85]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way Doodlebug23 I can relate to this feeling after having so much disappointment. It completely wears you down. When I was feeling the way you are there wasn't much that could shift it, I just had to work through it in my own time and in my own way. However, it did help getting more flexibility with work to have time off when needed or to work from home more often. For me, work was more of a stressor because I couldn't concentrate and felt pressure to put a brave face on when I felt like doing anything but.

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Mudra85]

Some days are better than others but the down down days nothing seems to shift that feeling. I’m lucky my work are quite flexible x

[Mudra85 in reply to Doodlebug23]

That makes sense. There are better days, but I know the down days can be really difficult. I'm glad your work are pretty flexible. Take care x

[Jam1111111]

I've had 1 miscarriage, 1 failed retrieval and a failed embryo transfer all in under 18months, its a lot we put ourselves through. I've just allowed myself a few days each time to wallow and feel down and then just get back on with it. It's hard but there's nothing else for it. I should say each failed go we did go away for a few days after try and do something fun a change in surroundings did us both so good. I know that's not alway feasible but that's the things that helped me. X

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Jam1111111]

I’ll be a year in Nov. Can’t give up though can we… I’m doing this alone so a break away isn’t really an option 😕 x

[Jam1111111 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Doesn't even need to be a break take your self of a self paper day do something you enjoy. Also enjoy and have fun in the downtime between treatments xx

[paintthesky]

Hi Doodlebug, lots of people have already said this but I’d definitely recommend speaking to a mental health professional. IVF can be really traumatic and speaking from experience, it has had a huge effect on me even after it worked. I wish I had began to deal with the trauma while I was undergoing treatment.

Sending you hugs and wishing you all the best x

[Daughterofaking]

Hi, so sorry to read this. Have been there before so I understand how you feel. Please, find some support from close frien or family. I wish you all the best going forward xx

[JB124]

Hey.. so sorry to hear this. I hope you feel a bit better soon… I too had my 3rd BFN few weeks ago so know that low feeling. Stay strong hun.. sending you lots of hugs xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to JB124]

I really thought this was 3rd time lucky. First time I didn’t bleed before time to test. On to 4th try I guess…. And for you too. Don’t like hearing others having the same but to hear from others going through the same kind of helps x

[Doodlebug23]

I think work takes my mind off it for a while and I’m afraid I’d just spiral without it. I’m a manager so work without people contact isn’t really an option x

[Hope-and-faith]

I’ve been there. It’s a very hard journey. I’m my case I have had my daughter on 9th IVF attempt and on the 10th I’ve had my twins who are now 8 months. If someone told me 3 years ago that I would be a mum of 3 I wouldn’t have believed them!

My 9th and 10th ivf cycles were different to the previous ones. Personally for me what I believe made a difference is the use of steroids, metformin and based on the result of the ERA test the transfers were done after 6 days of progesterone. I have read a book called “is your body baby friendly” and “it starts with an egg” both are brilliant.

Keep going and good luck.

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Hope-and-faith]

Wow!! That’s amazing 💛💛💛

I can’t imagine getting to 9 and 10. But I’m not giving up. I had 3 viable embryos from my first complete cycle so hopefully I’ll get that and more from the next 2 x

[Hope-and-faith in reply to Doodlebug23]

Keep going. It’s often a numbers game. I always thought if you throw enough sh@t at the wall something would stick. At the same time talk to your consultant and do your own research to see if anything can be tweaked on the next cycle. Good luck!