Feeling down

My partners sister was having IVF treatment and it has worked, she's pregnant. The thing is I'm really happy for her but a few weeks back she made a big fuss and fell out with myself and my partner for even seeing about IVF treatment because it was her last shot on the nhs (she has had 6 try's). I get 2 chances, I don't understand why she had to be so bitter when I was always so happy for her :(, feeling really low and like I don't deserve IVF treatment anymore :(. Sorry for a rant but this has made me feel better.

18 Replies

  • Of course you deserve your goes on the NHS. We've had to pay for our treatment but I don't begrudge others for getting it on the NHS.

    I would have hoped your partner's sister would be more understanding about you having IVF after she's been through it herself. Stress and worry can make people behave in strange ways.Good luck with your treatment.

  • I just thought she would have known better, we've both gone through the same thing both having IVF and hers has worked and I'm not anything but happy for her but she doesn't feel the same way towards my IVF treatment. Thank you very much for your comment, made me feel better thank you, hope your doing okay:) xxx

  • How did she get 6 tries!? Lucky her. We got 1 in our area. Don't worry about what she says or does. It's your turn too. Do whatever you need to do to have your best chance. Hopefully it was just weird hormones talking and she'll be nice and supportive from now on.

  • I know! I'd like to know that too. They've helped her more than anyone I know and I've always been supportive for her, ah I think it's time to concentrate on myself and the IVF for me, negativity is no good for me,. I have 2 free try's then have to pay. Have you started yours yet? I'm praying that one is all you need 😊 xxx

  • 6 tries?!?!! Where does she live? It's fantastic that it has worked for her, she must have been in a very low place after 5 attempts which might explain her behaviour. She has obviously been through a lot but just because she's had it worse than some others it doesn't give her the right to judge other people going through the process, whatever stage of it they are at. In a weird way, even though she now has that longed for baby, she might be jealous of you because she's thinking it'll work for you much more easily than it did for her. I remember being jealous of my cousin's wife when she announced she was pregnant with baby number 2 after 1 try of IVF, (they didn't need IVF for the first, she got pregnant on their honeymoon). I should have been thrilled for them but I can remember thinking "Well it would work first time for HER wouldn't it?" In hindsight it said a lot about the dark place I was in, rather than anything about my cousin's wife. Your partner's sister's experience has no bearing on your journey to motherhood- you deserve treatment as much as she did and don't let her negativity make all this harder for you. Good luck for your first cycle. Xxx

  • I agree with kernshp's thoughts- I had similar feelings about a friend having IVF same time as me who already had a baby. I am delighted for them but did have that jealous thought in the beginning - "it will work for her and fail for me" - it's a horrible thought process and frame of mind but it's the situation that does it not any actual malice towards the other person. you deserve the treatment just as much, try not to take her rant to heart, I'm pretty sure she doesnt mean it xx

  • Thanks guys, we all know it's a stressful process and like you said you think jealous thoughts which makes you even more agrivated and stressed. I think she paid for her last 3 tries but she's adamant she didn't. I don't understand why she's trying to ruin my experience when I didn't nothing of the sort to her.

    Anyway, can anyone reassure me I'm worried about my weight :/ I'm 13 and half stone, 5ft 8inch

    Am I overweight?? For IVF??


  • Download one of the bmi calculator apps. You need to put your age, height & weight in then it calculates your bmi. Or if you tell me what age you are I'll check it on my app x x

  • I'm 22, just worried and stressed been doing exercise but playing on my mind xxx

  • According to the app your bmi is 28.74. Has the clinic told you the maximum bmi you can have in order to be eligible for treatment? Here in Scotland the nhs won't treat you if your bmi is over 30. Your clinic will have a list of criteria that they'll need you to meet x x

  • No they haven't said anything yet but I haven't had a one to one appt yet Tuesday is the presentation, so hopefully I should be ok if this clinic is the same and its under 30. I think it will be that's the general criteria, fingers crossed 😊 xxx

  • You can look up your clinic on the HFEA website (www.hfea.gov.uk), just type in your postcode and it will tell you there about the clinic and the criteria etc. Good luck for Tuesday 😉 I'm having a wee frozen embryo transferred that day too x x

  • Oh I will do thank you very much for the help and the kind words :) oh really? Good luck for Tuesday I will be thinking of you, hope it works! I've got everything crossed 😊 xxx

  • I agree with what the girls have said above. Try not to let anyone else ruin your experience. You deserve this as much as anyone else. Jealousy is a horrible thing and we've all felt it at some point on our journey, we wouldn't be human if we didn't. And we've all behaved in ways that we wouldn't normally thanks to the hormones or the emotions that we feel. Personally I find it easier to avoid a lot of social situations & girly get-togethers as I just find it too difficult. I also decided not to tell many people about my ivf journey. You do what you need to do to get through it and protect yourself in the process. When you say your partner's sister had 6 trys do you mean 6 cycles or 6 occasions where she had embryos transferred? I don't know of any area where they give you 6 free cycles of IVF, if one existed we would all be moving there, right girls? Lol...

    Keep your chin up & look after No.1 😉 X x

  • Haha thank you, that cheered me up!. She had 3, had a year off then she had another 3, they gave her all sorts of help, which has made me think she paid for most of it and that's where the hatred has come from, she hasn't admitted anything to me though, your right. Time to think about myself instead of others all the time because this is where it gets me ha.

    Thanks girls! 😘 xx

  • She knows herself how hard this journey is so she should learn to be a bit more understanding! You'll know not to tell her too much in future x x

  • It took us 6 rounds to get our little girl. We paid for 5, after she was born we paid for 2 more. So 8 rounds total. Both rounds 7 and 8 ended in early miscarriages, but we are grateful for our 1 little girl. Maybe she's worried yours will work first or second go and not have to go through so much trouble! Or that your babies will be close in age and steal some of her thunder... I think it's a combination of jealousy and hormones.

  • Aw so glad you have your little girl though, it's nice to hear that the first few tries paid off:). Yeah maybe: she did tell me she's always been jealous of me I don't really know why to be honest, she isn't speaking to me or my boyfriend now so in just left her to it, it isn't my fault she's jealous plus I'm still yet to go through IVF so iv no idea why, thanks for all your replies, it's really helped xx

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