Getting help

[HopefulHetti]

Hello, my husband and I have been struggling to conceive. We have been unprotected for nearly 12 years, in the earlier years it was a 'if it happens it happens' energy, but for the last 6 years I have been doing all I can without medical help to get pregnant, with no luck. The longer it's going on unsuccessfully, the harder it's getting to bring myself to seek help. My anxiety just isn't allowing me to get to the next step without the crippling thought of being told the worse (it's never gonna happen). Has anyone else been through this? How can I push my anxiety aside to allow us to move forward with the help we need?

Any advice would mean the world, thank you!

[CardiGrey]

Hi Hetti,

Sorry to hear this. Maybe a step forward for you would be counselling? I have been struggling to conceive and will not yet be starting IVF as I don’t feel mentally ready, but I’ve started counselling. The counsellor that I’m seeing specialises in infertility and has lived experience of that herself. It’s been really positive for me, so this might be something that you can look into? Other than that, sometimes just having an informal chat with your GP can help.

All the best.

[Lucyann13]

have you had any investigations? That’s a long time to be trying without success. My husband and I tried for 6 months before we sought help because we were older and we discovered that my husband didn’t produce sorry so no amount of trying would have made any difference. I wish we had known when we were younger and so my eggs may have been better quality for ivf.

[Islandgrl]

Hi Hetti,I was in the exact same boat as you. My Husband and I have been unprotected more than 10 yrs and its never happened for us. I understand that crippling fear of not being able to move towards medical help because there was a stage I was like that too, for me it was like a denial also. One day a friend of mine who had been through something similar told me to let go of my fear and just simply talk to a doctor, get tests done, make that move because it could take a really long time to find the source and age plays such a cruel game with us women. It could be something quite easily fixed with medical intervention also. I started seeing doctors in 2019, although I am not pregnant yet, no one ever told me that pregnancy was impossible. We found out that I had PCOS and a strong immune reaction to embryos around implantation. I have had treatment and currently in a 2ww with ivf. I was petrified when i first saw the doctor, but felt so much better as time went on, because I had answers.... I had something more than that heart wrenching empty disappointment month after month of endless trying with no results. Im sorry if this sounds blunt and you do whatever makes you comfortable at your own pace of course, it was that hard truth that got me moving, and to be honest now that I look back, I wish I had started sooner.

Wishing you all the best ❤️ and sending lots of love your way 💕💕💕

[Boo718]

hiya I have honestly been there. We stopped using anything in 2010 and absolutely nothing happened. For a while like you we went with the if it happens it happens. Then in 2017 we took the plunge and went for ivf. It’s been a long journey and we eventually had to move on to donor but we are 35 weeks now and honestly it’s the best thing we ever did. I did go to counselling a few times just to ‘let it all out’ I hope you are ok xxx u can pm me if u want to talk xxx

[Hopewhite]

hi , i hope you’re well. I had a similar experience we have been married for 10 years, and it just never happened on its own. We have healthy lifestyles, so I was always thinking it would work out when time was right, but since we are not getting any younger I decided to start the journey with the doctors. Try not to think about it and just do it , as long as you try there is still hope! The doctors are very professional and you only have to share with them as much as you’re comfortable.

I’d also recommend to start all the gp consultation as soon as possible, as depending on where you are lead times can be long. In our case, I wish we had done this earlier but the Covid years added a lot of confusion.

We finally started in March last year and it wasn’t until February this year that I was referred to the fertility clinic, and now waiting for the first ivf cycle. Be clear with your GP and ask to have fertility tests and to be referred to a fertility clinic since the beginning so they can conduct all the preliminary tests asap, your husband has to start this process separately too, mine did it through the Livi app which worked quicker for him than through our GP.

Wishing you all the best

[Katkan]

Hi Hetti, I would not wait that long, does not matter what age I would be, I would start seeking help not longer than 1 year after seeing that unprotected does not help. In many cases the problem is not that big and it can happen soon after. At least you have to know what it is and go from there.