Please Give me Strength 🙏

[Refocus]

Lying awake at 4.30am with underlying anxiety about tomorrow.... Spa day and sleepover with 8 best friends who I've known for 22 years, problem is, is that 4 of them are 5/6months pregnant (2 with their 2nd) and the rest have children.... They all know my infertility situation and no matter how kind and supportive they are, it's going to be baby chat the whole time!! They can't help it, it's natural. I also don't really want to give them full details of my situation and I know someone will probably ask. I just want a bit of privacy like they've all been able to have. How do I enjoy the day without feeling bitter?!?! I feel sad that I can't be truly happy for anyone else until I get my own happiness. I know it's terrible but I've not been able to shake it for 3years. Xxx

[Hidden]

I am sending you love and strength.

You are not alone - there are over 19,000 women on this forum that are with you. Not to mention the millions of women who have the same anxiety.

This journey is painful - for some, it is short and easy; for others, it is much longer. BUT, you will get there.

However it happens, you will be pregnant. It is just a matter of time.

Also, you have to put yourself first. This is a major trauma and your friends will have to understand. If they can't be sensitive (no baby talk) or allow you to cry on their shoulder, or help you during such a difficult time, then you shouldn't go.

You come first. Don't pressure yourself to do anything.

Sending love xxxx

[Refocus in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I think it's worse when I'm there if I've already worked myself up into a frenzy..... Deep breaths, clear the mind....eurgh, so much easier said than done! Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Refocus]

I am completely with you....this is the hardest thing I have ever done my in life. You are not alone.

Reach out today if you want to vent - we are here for you! xx

[Lilly2019]

It’s so hard and I myself have been in that position many many times. Sometimes I just decide not to go if I’m feeling particularly low and I know it will upset me more. As selfish as I sounds my mental health comes first and if I feel unable to deal with I situation I remove myself from it. Other times when I am feeling stronger I just keep reminding myself of all the good things I have in my life that maybe others don’t have. Like owing my own house, having the most loving and supportive other half you could ask for, Having amazing friends and family and I remind myself at least I’m in the position to be able to afford ivf and that option hasn’t been taken away from me.

Life is massively unfair sometimes but try to dig deep and think of all the things you have you are grateful for.

I sometimes think that no matter how badly I want to have a baby sometimes the situations my friends are in with relationships, money family situations , housing situations I would not want to raise a child in that way and take solace that when it’s my turn I will be able to give my child all they need in a happy environment and it keeps me going.

Remember the greater your storm the brighter your rainbow

Good luck for today and I hope you stay strong and have a good time xxxx

[Mazzath1]

I know exactly how you feel. I felt like that for so long. My sister in law felt pregnant. Absolutely broke me. The pain was overwhelming. But then I had to come to realise not concentrate on anyone but yourself. To achieve your own dreams. When you do fall it will be so much more amazing. Stay focused dont worry what everyone else has. Enjoy your weekend. I wish all the luck and baby dust. Xx

[Starsandsunbeams]

Hey, you have so many people here who have experienced and are experiencing the exact same feelings. I don't think there is any harm in saying to your friends that you don't really want to talk about it today, but may fill them in another time. I definitely have days when I'm more able to talk and deal with the situation than other days, when I need to protect myself. I also weigh up whether going to events is a going to make me feel good or miserable and would I regret it if I didn't go... You have to look after yourself and do what makes you feel best xxx

[Picalilli99]

I have really struggled at times with similar feelings. You are not alone. I second what others have said, in the hours leading up can you try to focus on the things that you have in your life that make you happy. It can help bring the anxiety down a little, whereas playing over in your mind how difficult it’s going to be in the lead up will be likely to increase the feelings instead (but I realise this is sometimes easier said than done!). Like you said if you feel yourself getting anxious try to focus on your breath. If it happens when you are there, just excuse yourself from the room and take a minute for yourself, vent on here if it would help. I don’t know the situation but is there any one person you feel closer to who you could share your anxieties with? If so she could be your “wing-woman” who can keep an eye and subtly rescue you for a breather if needed. This has worked really well for me in the past, just having one person who is more aware that you might be feeling a bit vulnerable in this situation can help it feel a little less overwhelming. It sounds like you have known these friends for such a long time, you must have had so many fun times together over the past 22 years. Can you think about funny stories and talk about those (prior to any babies even being on the seen!). I bet once you get going they would enjoy reminiscing - I have found that friends can just get a bit caught up in baby chat because that’s their go-to safe topic they can all relate to, but if you can steer it to something else they can relate to, often that can be really enjoyable for everyone. Best of luck xxxxx

[Refocus in reply to Picalilli99]

Well it was all going wonderfully until one of the non pregnant girls announced her pregnancy!! FML x

[Picalilli99 in reply to Refocus]

Oh FFS! You couldn’t write it! I’m so sorry that must have been the last thing you needed. Sending massive hugs xx

[Refocus in reply to Picalilli99]

I'm a bit disappointed as she could have announced in a more sensitive way, especially as its her second. Anyway, I've dealt with my emotions and moved on.

[crisps88]

Hope you have a lovely time today you deserve it. No words really can say to make your situation any better and I feel for you so much hun. X x x

[jengi]

Sending you lots of positivity & I hope it’s not as bad as you fear Xx

[Refocus in reply to jengi]

Thank you. It wasn't as bad except for the unexpected pregnancy announcement from one of them....... FML x