Getting my hopes up

Hello all

I haven't posted here much, but basically my husband and I have not formally started TTC yet but we've been having regular unprotected sex for the past 6 months or so but there are lots is problems. I've had endometriosis for almost 20 years (dx 10 years ago). I also have ME, and the doctor suspects PCOS or hypothyroidism (got an appt in a couple of weeks for test results). I know my tubes have been damaged in the past. I'm also on morphine every day for pain. My husband also has Ejaculation Dysfunction and cannot finish during sex, so between the two of us it seems highly unlikely that we will be able to conceive naturally. He wants to wait until we buy a properly to start trying - I want to start trying now because I think it will take some time and we can't get help until we've been trying for a year.

Since I came off the pill, my cycle has been all over the place. Sometimes 4 weeks, sometimes 8 weeks, sometimes in between. Every time I miss a period, I get my hopes up, wait a week or so, do a test which is always negative, and then get depressed. I don't know when or if I'm ovulating - my last cycle was 4 weeks and the two before that were 8, I have a pack of 20 sticks and no idea when to use them! I can't work anymore so can't afford to buy them all the time!

Right now, I'm five weeks since my last period and I've had really sore boobs for a week now. I know it sounds stupid, but I've never really paid attention before to when in my cycle they hurt and for how long. I don't know if it happens when I'm ovulating or when my period is about to start, but I'm sure it doesn't usually last this long.

I can feel my hopes rising again and I'm trying to squash it. There's a lot going on right now - my mums cancer is back, my husband is away as his grandma died, and I definitely don't want to take a test without him here. I know realistically, the chances are miniscule, but that doesn't mean I don't get my hopes up.

I know you can't give me much advice other that "take a test", I guess I just wanted to get it out to people who understand.

Hope you're all as well as possible

X

15 Replies

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  • Hiya I understand how you're feeling as my story is quite similar to yours. I didn't realise Til recently there are only a few days in your cycle that you can get pregnant & like you my periods are all over the place so it's hard to work out when they are. I down loaded an app called Ovia it's amazing! You type in your dates of your last cycle & moods etc & it works it out for you when you are in your fertile window & this is when you should try, it sends you tips & facts about ttc & it has really helped me know where I'm at in my cycle & best of all it's free. Hope this helps & good luck :) xx

  • Thank you, I think I'll try that. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much of a pattern to them at the moment. It's just so frustrating. I know there are only a few days during ovulation where I can get pregnant, just no idea when they are (obviously a couple of weeks or before my period, but goodness knows when the next one will be!). I assume it must be soon as my last one was five weeks ago, so maybe the sore boobs are part of ovulating? I don't know!

    I wish our bodies could just give us daily print outs of what's going on in there!

  • I know it is so frustrating , I'm currently having fertility tests but you have to have them on certain days of your period so I've been waiting months for mine but luckily eventually came on & have been able to have the tests now. Yes sore boobs is usually a sign for me & I get bad PMT that's when I know it's coming. X

  • Hunni I haven't got any magic words but I do know how you feel..it is so hard trying for a baby..unless you're in this situation i found no one else really understands.. It's normal to get your hopes up.. I've been trying for 3 years and whenever my period turns up feel disappointed and upset..when you want something so badly it's impossible not to get upset ..I've got my viral blood tests September for ivf.. Hopefully start ivf treatment in November..

    I would go and speak to your gp as you have existing issues ..sorry not trying to sound mean.. They may be able to arrange some basic fertility tests hormone blood tests for you.. And arrange a sperm analysis for hubby.. Worth asking they can only say no..i had to wait till we'd been ttc for a year..then results came back normal..then told to try for another year before being refered to specialist ..we got discharged months ago with unexplained infertility..as I've got a child and they only treat unexplained with ivf I don't get funding..I'm now egg sharing at a private clinic to fund our ivf.. Found out since being at our clinic have small left ovary low amh only 5.37 and hubby's sperm abnormal count 83% up to 75% nothing is about those findings is unexplained..2If you're over 35 you can be refered to a fertlity specialist after 6 months of ttc ..

    Good luck with it all hunni...if you need a chat can Pm me if you like..otherwise I wish you all the very best

    X x x

  • Thanks so much - I'm so sorry that you're having so much trouble conceiving and I hope the IVF works out for you. I know many ladies who've had it, with positive and negative results, and I cross everything that it works for you.

    I'm 32 now, hubby is 35. Where I live, you have to be exactly 35 and have been trying for a year to get IVF on the NHS so that is still a future option. I had some blood tests done during my last period and seeing her for the results in a couple of weeks (had to cancel my last appointment as I was too ill).

    What does "trying for a year" mean? Is it just having unprotected sex, or do you have to have been monitoring your ovulation and specifically trying at the right times etc for it to count? I came off the pill in October last year, so technically we could have gotten pg then, but it would have been unlikely!

    With sperm testing, is it just a case of going to the GP and asking for it? Do you have to be trying for a certain amount of time before they'll do it?

    Thanks so much for all your help

    x

  • Thank you hunni..looking forward to get the ivf ball rolling..it feels like I'm doing something about it and it's postive.. I'm also 32 ..

    Trying is defined as when you first starting having unprotected sex with your husband.. I would count it from when you came off the pill.. I did..Your gp would count it from when you came off the pill.. Although I agree it is unlikely to fall very soon after stopping the pill it's not impossible..There can be a lot waiting around that you do for fertlity investigations/referals/appointments at your fertility specialist..trust me I've been there.. It's best to get the ball rolling ASAP..at least you feel like you're doing something..that in itself can relieve the stress.,and could lead in a pregnancy ..,It's important that your doctor investigates both of you.. It sounds silky to say it.. But it does take the both of you to make a baby..!! I'd recommend you taking your husband to the appointment with you if he can get time of work.. Otherwise book an appointment together.. The doctors prefer seeing you both as infertility effects you both., you can discuss your blood test results.. The doctor will want to hear all about your monthly cycle to help get a clear picture of wots going on.. They may even arrange a transvaginal ultrasound to assess your ovaries. .They will discuss your sex life.. I know it's embarrassing..but keep thinking it's a step closer to our baby... If your husbands with you at the appointment the doctor can arrange a sperm analysis to be done through your local hospital.. The hospital should write to him and give him a date and time.. Results should be received a week later by your gp.. If they're normal he prob won't need an appointment to see a doctor.. He will also need to abstain from sex for 2 to 3 days prior sperm analysis to get the optimum result..

    Good luck hunni with it all if you have any questions/or just want a chat don't hesitate to contact me.

    Jess

    X x x

  • Thank you hunni..looking forward to get the ivf ball rolling..it feels like I'm doing something about it and it's postive.. I'm also 32 ..

    Trying is defined as when you first starting having unprotected sex with your husband.. I would count it from when you came off the pill.. I did..Your gp would count it from when you came off the pill.. Although I agree it is unlikely to fall very soon after stopping the pill it's not impossible..There can be a lot waiting around that you do for fertlity investigations/referals/appointments at your fertility specialist..trust me I've been there.. It's best to get the ball rolling ASAP..at least you feel like you're doing something..that in itself can relieve the stress.,and could lead in a pregnancy ..,It's important that your doctor investigates both of you.. It sounds silky to say it.. But it does take the both of you to make a baby..!! I'd recommend you taking your husband to the appointment with you if he can get time of work.. Otherwise book an appointment together.. The doctors prefer seeing you both as infertility effects you both., you can discuss your blood test results.. The doctor will want to hear all about your monthly cycle to help get a clear picture of wots going on.. They may even arrange a transvaginal ultrasound to assess your ovaries. .They will discuss your sex life.. I know it's embarrassing..but keep thinking it's a step closer to our baby... If your husbands with you at the appointment the doctor can arrange a sperm analysis to be done through your local hospital.. The hospital should write to him and give him a date and time.. Results should be received a week later by your gp.. If they're normal he prob won't need an appointment to see a doctor.. He will also need to abstain from sex for 2 to 3 days prior sperm analysis to get the optimum result..

    Good luck hunni with it all if you have any questions/or just want a chat don't hesitate to contact me.

    Jess

    X x x

  • Thanks Jess, that's really helpful. I've had about a billion scans, examinations and gynae procedures in my life so fortunately I'm over the embarrassment of those! It's like brushing my teeth now ;)

    Unfortunately my husband is registered at a different GP practice to me, which complicates things - he can't move at the moment as he's having tests for something and I'm waiting for results. Makes things a bit trickier!

    Okay, well in that case we've been "trying" for 10 months - although the fact that my husband struggles ejaculate means that pregnancy is highly unlikely (not impossible, but it's basically like having a partner with a very very low sperm count since not many are getting in there!). Sorry if TMI!

    I would be amazed if I am pregnant but it is possible. Who knows. I would like to wait until the husband gets home but I have no idea how long he will be away this time - then again, my period may well have started by then so I may not have to waste a test! If it were positive I wouldn't want to tell him that over the phone so I will hold off for now.

  • Nothing is ever impossible hunni.. Miracles can and do happen.. Nature can find a way despite obstacles.. I will use the story of my mums friend to demonstrate this.,, she and her husband had been trying for 10 years.. Had several rounds of ivf.. None had worked( this was over. 20 years ago ivf has improved since then) she had two blocked Fallopian tubes.. Was told she could never ever have children .. So her and her husband accepted a life without children., she worked in a children's home looking after children.. He was a youth worker .. She fell naturally twice and had two beautiful sons., nature found a way., you see there's always hope..

    Regarding hubby's sperm it only takes one to make a baby ;) like our doctor said it's a little harder to conceive in your 30s but many people do just takes a bit longer..

    If I was prepared to wait a couple more years I may well fall naturally..

    Get your husband other investigations done at his surgery..I do know some ladies on this site who were registered at different practices to their husbands/partners and still got refered to a fertility specialist.. Some counts allow you to be at different practices.. The way it works is you have your investigations at your surgery..your husband goes to his surgery and requests a sperm analysis to be done at his local hospital.. Get the results printed off take then to your surgery.. Go to your practice for a referral appointment with husband.. Trust me with the amount of fertility tests they do on us women..! Easier., they will have all results and will go through the referral with you

    both..that will of course depend on the fertlity clinic you are refered to..some will allow you to be registered at different medical practices others won't.. You can ask your gp at your appointment they should be able to advise you on the criteria.. Mine personally did require both of us to registered at same practice ..you can find this out by visting infertility.com and go onto the funding pages it's called ccg.. And it lists all the county's and you click onto your one and it should list criteria and funding..if you're unsure about funding and just want to find our where you stand there should a number you can call..ask to talk to someone in charge if fertility funding and referring .. could shed some light..

    I don't blame you not wanting to tell your husband that over the phone .,

    Something's you just can't say over the phone. .id be the same., does your husband work away a lot? That

    must be hard for you.,

    We will both get one way or another..it's a tough battle but it's one I'm sure you will win.. Hang on in there.. You never know your luck you may well be pregnant nothing's impossible..keep me posted I wish you all the best

    X x x

  • Actually the opposite - we both work from home and are together 24/7 normally. Sadly his grandma died and he's gone to stay with his grandad to take care of him. I'm rubbish without him.

    Thanks so much for the info , I'll investigate x

  • I'm so sorry to hear that.. Bless your hubby.. How lovely for him to go and support his grandad.. Sweet..

    Anytime hunni ..I hope the info helps :)

    Good luck with everything.. If you need have any other questions..I'd be more than happy to answer them.. I'm still finding my way around it all!! These ladies on this site are amazingly supportive of each other.. We all know and understand the pain of infertility.. I'd be lost without this site.

    Keep me updated with how you get wishing you all the very best

    X x x

  • Nothing is ever impossible hunni.. Miracles can and do happen.. Nature can find a way despite obstacles.. I will use the story of my mums friend to demonstrate this.,, she and her husband had been trying for 10 years.. Had several rounds of ivf.. None had worked( this was over. 20 years ago ivf has improved since then) she had two blocked Fallopian tubes.. Was told she could never ever have children .. So her and her husband accepted a life without children., she worked in a children's home looking after children.. He was a youth worker .. She fell naturally twice and had two beautiful sons., nature found a way., you see there's always hope..

    Regarding hubby's sperm it only takes one to make a baby ;) like our doctor said it's a little harder to conceive in your 30s but many people do just takes a bit longer..

    If I was prepared to wait a couple more years I may well fall naturally..

    Get your husband other investigations done at his surgery..I do know some ladies on this site who were registered at different practices to their husbands/partners and still got refered to a fertility specialist.. Some counts allow you to be at different practices.. The way it works is you have your investigations at your surgery..your husband goes to his surgery and requests a sperm analysis to be done at his local hospital.. Get the results printed off take then to your surgery.. Go to your practice for a referral appointment with husband.. Trust me with the amount of fertility tests they do on us women..! Easier., they will have all results and will go through the referral with you

    both..that will of course depend on the fertlity clinic you are refered to..some will allow you to be registered at different medical practices others won't.. You can ask your gp at your appointment they should be able to advise you on the criteria.. Mine personally did require both of us to registered at same practice ..you can find this out by visting infertility.com and go onto the funding pages it's called ccg.. And it lists all the county's and you click onto your one and it should list criteria and funding..if you're unsure about funding and just want to find our where you stand there should a number you can call..ask to talk to someone in charge if fertility funding and referring .. could shed some light..

    I don't blame you not wanting to tell your husband that over the phone .,

    Something's you just can't say over the phone. .id be the same., does your husband work away a lot? That

    must be hard for you.,

    We will both get one way or another..it's a tough battle but it's one I'm sure you will win.. Hang on in there.. You never know your luck you may well be pregnant nothing's impossible..keep me posted I wish you all the best

    X x x

  • I feel for you. I really do.

    I also have M.E., so I know exactly what all these worries and pressures can do to you ( morphine? Dayum, girl!).

    I think the best thing you can do for yourself, is try to reduce the stimuli, if that means taking the test so I at there is one less thing on your plate, I'm sure hubby will understand. Entirely up to you, of course, but that's what I would do.

    I got sticks a while back, hoping they'd help me pinpoint that window, but they just confused to bejeesus out of me lol.

    I'd do what Jess suggested, go to your go, and see if you can get the ball rolling on some tests. It will help you to know that you're doing something proactive, rather than just waiting for the disappointment each month.

    Meanwhile, if you need to talk, feel frr to message me :-)

    xXx

  • Thanks, really appreciate the support.

    Not just morphine, but a LOT of morphine. A couple of years ago I was on over 1000mg a day. I reduced it by half and now I'm chipping away it each day, trying to get it down. My old specialist in London told me that I should continue morphine through pregnancy, but that idea really horrifies me - now my GP says I cannot take it while pregnant. Stopping it altogether before I even start trying seems totally impossible - my pain levels are very high.

    I've had hormone blood tests already but not had the results yet - waiting for a GP appt on 9th September to find out. I really hope they have shown something so we can start figuring out what to do. There's no reason to suggest that my husbands might have an issue with his sperm but I guess it's worth looking into. It's really embarrassing to talk about but, because of his issues (which we are working on and are getting better), it's very rare for any of it to get anywhere near an egg, if there is one! So although I'm no longer on the pill, and we are not using any protection, I can't really say we are trying for a baby, if you see what I mean.

    In a lot of pain today so going for a lie down - last night I thought it might be my period starting but now I think it's bowel related (they are screwed up too thanks to the endo and the morphine). I have so many problems I wonder if the world is trying to tell me I shouldn't have kids, but I know we would be very loving parents and I can't bear the thought of not being a parent.

    My husband isn't sure about the idea of adoption, and I would be terrified to have IVF because my endo would go crazy because of the drugs - if we can't conceive naturally I'm not sure if we will. Just crossing everything I can.

    Thanks so much for your support x

  • Hey cupcakegirl, if you really feel you can't take a test with your hubby, then my best advice is to enjoy the hope. Good luck!

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