Hello,
It’s a trigger warning because we already have a child with my eggs. I wondered if anyone had a child with OE and then went on to have a child through DE? I’m at a crossroads and would be very grateful for any advice? I’m 44 and had 2 failed transfers since our daughter. Currently reviewing all the options. Thank you helpful tribe 🙏.
Xx
I did! Don’t feel any different with DE baby, if anything feel more love if that’s possible as we waited so long for her! She has blessed our family and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just wish I’d done it sooner but it took me a long time to grieve not being able to have my second OE baby!
We used donor eggs to conceive our son. We love him so much. I carried him, grew him, birthed him. Biologically & legally I’m his mum. Genetically we are different. But even with own egg & sperm it’s a surprise in terms of genes as you never know what you might get. We plan on being honest with him about his start in life so he’ll know that a kind lady gave me her eggs because mine weren’t working. He’ll never know that lady because we went abroad where donation is anonymous. We went abroad for many reasons which had nothing to do with the anonymity thing. However, I do wish we’d thought about it a bit more. He’s an amazing little boy & every day I think about how incredibly lucky I am. Good luck Xx
heya. Do you mind saying why you wish you’d thought more about the anonymity element? We’re considering donor abroad, and like you, the anonymity isn’t the reason - would love to hear your thoughts if you don’t mind? If DM is easier that’s obviously fine…. And if you’d rather not I totally understand too, and thank you 🙏 x
I totally agree with absolutely everything you’ve said. It’s not that I worry about loving a child with DE and treating him/ her exactly like my own. It’s more the dynamics between an OE child and DE child and what you say to them etc etc. I think I’m overthinking the whole thing to be honest!! Xx
We told our little boy that mummy and daddy used mummy’s eggs and daddy’s seed to make him, but when we went to make him a sister, it didn’t work as mummy’s eggs were broken. So another lady, called the donor, gave us her eggs and we used them instead to make his sister. He accepted this and has known this since I was pregnant. The other day he actually said ‘Mummy can we go to the donor to get more eggs to make another baby’ - They act like any other siblings. I ask him every now and again , how were you made? How was your sister made? So that it never comes as a surprise and we have books we have already started reading to our daughter, so she’ll never remember being told. It’s always a celebration. Defining Mum on Instagram is an amazing source for donor conception. She also had treatment abroad so gives lots of views on that 👍
Wow sounds like you are totally nailing it on all fronts!! Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I love how you've dealt with it -just sounds amazing. xx
After all the reading and research, it seems to be the best way to go. Donor conceived adults who always knew their origin, seem to say they were at peace with their birth story because the family didn’t hide it away or have any secrets. So they felt celebrated and grateful for the wonders of science that allowed them to be with their family. I read a lot of DC adults who felt they were lied to and the news of how they came to be made them rethink their entire childhood and changed their relationships. They felt their was a sense of shame attached to who they were and where they came from. Of course everyone is different and has their own approach but being open and positive has worked for us xx
Another mother here with 5 year old son using my eggs and 1 year old daughter using donor eggs. I had worries when I was pregnant if I would feel any difference in love or bond with my donor conceived child. I listened to so many podcasts, YouTube videos etc etc from donor conceived children and parents and their experiences. There was no need to worry at all, I feel EXACTLY the same amount of love and devotion. There is no difference at all. Adore them both equally. Everyone in both families treat them exactly the same and most people forget she’s donor conceived until I casually mention it. My only regret is not doing it sooner! ❤️
I was ready to do a sibling with DE because I was already 41 with AMH of 0.16. Being a poor responder, IVF didn't work and I was tired of bad news. I had embryos made and was about to go for the transfer when found out I was pregnant. That aside, it took me a while to get around the DE idea but ultimately I wanted to do it because having a sibling for my daughter was more important than me having another biological baby. I know my story is an outlier with the surprise ending but I would 100% go with DE if I didn't get lucky last minute. I know I would love that baby just as much as my own.
First child by own eggs, second with DE. Busy plotting and planning for another... If at all possible. I'm happy to answer any questions. I went to Prague previously which was excellent. Due to age now im off to Spain this time round.Love in bucket loads for both BTWay!! Wouldn't want to change a single thing about my DE concieved baby. The origins pale very much to the background when u r busy busy with all that being a mom brings. ❤️❤️❤️
Different countries have varying age restrictions when it comes to offering fertility treatments. Prague has a cut off point of 49.I had to role the dice a few times before success. The years have slipped by!
That’s the issue - after 6 years and 5 transfers, I just need it work first time with DE! If only someone could offer a guarantee of that. So you were successful on 3rd transfer? And now thinking of going to Spain for a third? You must be a) bonkers b) be blessed with bucketloads of resilience 🤪!!!xx
Oh that makes me chuckle! Definately not bucket loads here! My story is painfully sad though with an outcome to most onlookers as a positive one. The journey on the other hand has been uphill, against the tide and all that. We are all warriors that's for sure. My determination comes from many places but it is there. Its a solitary quest this time as husband thinks I am indeed bonkers! Not much getting in my way though. Yes 2 attempts at D E. before successful pregnancy. Miscarriages before 8 weeks. I had a much much later loss with own eggs. I was similar in a desire for it to work, minimising as much risk as possible. I went for donated embryos. Sometimes called frosties.They were already created. Just waiting for me perhaps! One stuck, one did not.
I hear you. People see the successful pregnancy (which is ultimately what it’s all about), but the journey can be pretty damaging. I’ve had the same. Massive respect for you and well done for sticking with it. All the best for your onward journey too 🤞. Thanks for sharing your experience xx
Good luck for the next bit in your quest/quandry also. A real minefield.Again, any questions I'm more than happy to answer xx
Trigger warning 
Sad news - Sensitive, trigger warning
So this happened yesterday!! Trigger warning! 
*Trigger Warning* Our journey is complete ♥️💙
