Sad news - Sensitive, trigger warning - Fertility Network UK

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Sad news - Sensitive, trigger warning


So I had hoped this month to be sharing the happy arrival of our ICSI baby. Sadly she died in January and was born asleep. We’re still waiting for her review and some answers as to what happened to her, we named her Niamh. We miss her terribly. I had severe pre-eclampsia and nearly died after a midwife and GP failed to spot the symptoms and diagnose me so that’s likely to be the cause. Going forward I have 40% chance of getting pre-eclampsia again unless I take aspirin which would half those chances but that’s still very high and any future pregnancy would be extremely high risk if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again. Yes, it’s a lot.

We decided in February to put ourselves back on the waiting list for a FET thinking that by the time we got to the top of the list it would be up to us if we felt ready to go ahead and knowing that waiting for treatment is often the worst part. Of course COVID has also put an end to that plan! I came back on here today as I got an email about a post saying a clinic has reopened and it gives me such hope. I’ve really missed the support on here it always made me feel more hopeful. I’m not sure where I fit in now, infertility and stillbirth is a nightmarish combination to deal with and we seem to be in the minority!

89 Replies

Omg i am sorry that you have been deslt these cruel combination of cards.. My heart breaks for you. I wish i was better with words right now.

I am glad there is some hope again for you. I hope to follow your journey to a another little miracle baby.

Always here if you want to talk xoxox

Thank you, I recognised your name we fell pregnant at the same time I’m not sure I knew about your miscarriage, I’m so sorry. I think everyone worries what to say but there’s not really a right or wrong. I hope we both get our miracle take home babies soon. x

We did yeah.. I recognised your name straight away too. Thank you... Sending love xox

Hey, I’m so so very sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful daughter. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I cannot begin to imagine what you went through and how you are feeling. I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of love xx

I don’t really know what to say (but didn’t just want to read without commenting) other than say how strong you are and I hope you are receiving lots of support. You will always have support on here off all the ladies xx

Thank you for commenting. Nobody really knows what to say it’s a mindblowing situation to be in. All of these lovely messages really do help us though. x

I hope they do and I hope you get some answers as to why this happened. ❤️❤️

I'm so sad to read your post. I almost don't know what to say but I had to say something. I can't imagine how hard the last few months has been for you and your partner. And can I just say as an Irish woman, I really love the name Niamh, its beautiful, as I'm sure she was too. I admire your bravery in starting off down the road strong you are.

I'm sending lots of love and my good wishes to you and hope that all your dreams come through. We are always here to support you in your next steps..... xxxxxxx

Thank you so much for your lovely message. She was really beautiful, just perfect. We knew her name from 16 weeks when we found out she was a girl. x

I don’t know you but I’m crying for you.

Nothing anyone says will take the pain away. It’s an inexplicable pain, I can only Imagine.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this after such a traumatic journey. This world really can be so damn cruel.

I feel comfort by the fact you’re looking to go again. I admire your strength and bravery. You must be strong, tough human beings who I’m sure your family are so proud of.

I’ll leave you with this quote, it won’t take away your pain or change what’s happened but it’s so relevant...


Thank you for your lovely words, they really mean a lot to us. It really is an inexplicable pain but we’re trying to find our way through it. x

Really sorry to hear this. This is incredibly awful and unfair, and thoughts of your little girl will always be with you. Glad to hear you're in a mindset where you are looking to the future, and I really hope the rest of this year brings such joy for you. xxxx

Thank you so much for your lovely message. We do think of her all the time and always will. x

That's so cruel isn't it to have it all snatched away at the last minute!

A girl I knew had that happen to her and it was a right shock when we were told what had happened that the baby had died at the last minute.

It's so not fair.

It’s just beyond devastating not really something you can ever imagine until it happens it’s really mindblowing. My milk came in, I got all of the post pregnancy hormones just so wrong. We had a perfectly healthy little girl, heading into the third trimester and were beginning to set up her nursery. I hope we get some answers soon as to what happened for definite and why I didn’t receive better care. x

I cannot imagine your pain and my mom lost a child and she says the pain never gets less. Yet i hope you find happiness very soon. I hope even harder now that clinics open asap for all the ladies that went through so so much pain. Stay strong ❤️

Thank you. No I know it will never go away, we will always miss her and think of her and wish things were different but I hope that we can learn to live with it a little more easily. X

💔 may all our angels look down upon us and feel the love we feel for them x

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I’m absolutely heartbroken for you just reading your message, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you must feel. Sending love and hoping that when you are able to move forward with your FET that it finally enables you to bring home your miracle baby xxx

Thank you. It’s truly the worst thing that could ever happen. I hope so too. x

I can't seem to find the right words to write here...just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and sending lots of love 💗 x x x

Thank you. Congratulations on your daughter’s safe arrival. I hadn’t seen your news either. x

Aww thanks lovely x x

I am so so sorry. Sending you so much love and hugs xx so sorry x x

Thank you x

This is absolutely heart breaking. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this.

Sending you healing and love xxx

Thank you. x

So sorry for your loss. I got a lump in my throat and teared up as soon as I read your sad news. Can only imagine a fraction of what you’re feeling. Glad you’re still hopeful and haven’t given up. You truly are an inspiration and have strength 🌺 xx

Thank you for your kind words. x

I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through. I recently lost my baby at 17 weeks + 5 days pregnancy. I feel your pain and our baby’s funeral is next week and it’s all too much to bear especially when we have had to go through infertility and ivf. We are all in the same boat with Covid and we can only wait but we all deserve to be mothers so don’t give up hope. This group is really supportive and I’m happy to keep in touch and support it you decide to try again xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your baby’s funeral will be one of the hardest days of your life but I know you’ll be so glad you chose to do it. We legally had to for Niamh anyway but it was so important for us, it’s like a way of parenting them even though they are gone as well. We haven’t managed to arrange her headstone yet as we were trying to decide and then lockdown happened. The hardest decisions we have ever faced. I hope you get your take home baby soon. x

Thank you. We won’t ever forget our precious ones. Niamh is a beautiful name and I hope you manage to arrange her headstone soon. I hope we are both able to get back on our journeys soon xx

Hi lovely, sorry to here about your beautiful Niamh. Just know you aren't alone, I lost my son Benjamin in august and it was the hardest time of my life - still is really. Theres a lot of anxiety ahead for sure but now I'm 15 weeks pregnant and I'm not as anxious as I expected, I get sad sometimes, usually after I've had a happy moment- maybe guilt or just the reiteration of loss? But I'm a firm believer there is better times to come and I knew I wasnt ready to give up - so here I am! Being pregnant again is different for sure, it doesnt feel as innocent as is it did with my son - but this baby is a blessing and we have had another little boy picked for us by his big brother ❤❤❤

I’m so sorry to hear about Benjamin. Congratulations on your pregnancy I hope you get your take home baby. I know what you mean about getting sad after a happy moment, I catch myself smiling sometimes and it’s like my brain wants to remind me “but remember you’re sad”. I was gradually feeling better but Niamh’s due date was Easter Monday so it’s been a hard few weeks. Hopefully the clinics are going to start reopening soon and we can have a little bit more hope again. x

Its definitely a tough journey, but I must admit I started to feel better once I had a plan and I was starting treatment again. His due date was hard, especially as nobody else acknowledged it just us. I have my fingers crossed for you too xx

I’m sorry nobody aknowledged Benjamin’s due date, that’s a real shame all we really want for our babies now is for people to aknowledge them and remember them. I definitely feel I need to start treatment again, another baby won’t ever replace Niamh but at least it would feel like there’s a glimmer of a future for us again. x

I am so so sorry to hear the most heart breaking news for you. How absolutely tragic and the worst circumstances. Words can’t say how sorry I am for you Niamh and your family there’s nothing that could explain the sorrow or grief but always here to support. Thinking of you and sending prayers to you and baby Niamh xx.

Thank you. x

I’m so sorry you lost your beautiful daughter 💔this is heartbreaking sadly I know how you feel my daughter would be one next month she was born at 33 weeks and passed after half hour and I had 4 babies (2sets of twins ) born at 20 weeks pass away to.

All were Icsi babies and so desperately

Loved and wanted but sadly couldn’t stay

It’s so hard on this journey as it is and to think you are finally getting your happy ever after and to lose it is so cruel

We decided to try again and the day I called the clinic to start treatment was the day they stopped due to the covid-19

Trying to be positive but finding it quite tough lately wondering will I ever get to bring a baby home but I pray and pray hard

I will keep you in prayer 🙏🏼through this terrible sad time and that you also get to bring a beautiful baby home in the not to far future xx

I’m so sorry for your losses, I can’t even imagine how you have managed to get through all of them, you’re incredibly brave and strong. I hope we both get our take home babies soon. x

I'm so sorry to read this. I can't imagine how that must have felt, like you said, infertility is huge in itself to deal with, then to have your daughter taken away too.... breaks my heart to hear. Sending you love 💕 xx

Thank you. It really is beyond belief. x

So sorry to hear this! Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts going forward❤️Xxx

Thank you. x

Oh gosh, I am so very sorry for this incredible pain and grief you must be feeling. I don’t even know what to say but sometimes I guess best to not say anything at all except thinking of you sending love and courage and hoping for the beat for you !!!

Thank you. It’s definitely a situation where nobody knows what to say but kind messages of support really help. x

So sorry to read this. No words can help but sending you lots of love and hope the future brings brighter times xx

Thank you. x

I’m so sorry for your loss. That must be devastating for you both, I can’t even imagine. I hope you are getting all the support and sympathy from the people in your life. I wish I would be better with words or I would be able to give you some advice... I’m also waiting for a clinic to reopen, for me it will be the first time going to one.

I wish you all the best for the future! Your baby girl Niamh will always be part of your life.

Thank you. We both have supportive families and we’re seeing a counsellor as well so we do have support, though lockdown makes it all a bit harder. Niamh will definitely always be a part of our lives. I hope they reopen soon, good luck with your first visit. x

I’m so glad we got talking yesterday I know how much pain we have both been through but it’s nice to meet and talk to she one that truly understands how I feel.

Right now I should have a four month old little boy. At my 20 week scan they discovered my son had CDH and cleft lip and pallet. He was my first baby after 3 years of IVF. Two failed NHS cycles then we paid private and conceived right away. I lost both of my tubes when I was 21 so 7 years ago as they had both filled with fluid and twisted giving me IVF as my only option to have a baby. I was induced at 37+4 and my son passed away in my arms 16 hours after birth.

Starting our next cycle was the only thing mentally keeping me going. With that postponed I have struggled. I just have to keep telling myself things will change and I will be pregnant again.

If you ever need a rant or a chat from someone now knows exactly how you feel just pop me a private message at anytime. Things will get better xxx

Thank you. I’m so sorry you went through this. I hope you’re getting some professional support too I find it makes a big difference. I’m doing my best to believe I will get pregnant again and have a take home baby but some days it’s very hard to believe. It really does make a difference to have someone who knows what both feel like I’ve been searching for someone! I think it is much harder now we’re at the point where I should have Niamh with us and not just still be pregnant it feels different. And of course lockdown does not help at all. I hope things do get better for us both. I hope you have a good day today, one day at a time. x

I just wanted to give you a little hope, I too had a stillborn at 33 weeks, I then went on to having ivf a little further down the line, had a miscarriage of twins, 2nd round didnt work but I donated eggs and the other person had a healthy little boy and then on my 3rd round I had that bfp..... was having growth scans at one hospital due to the previous still born and they noticed my doppler was raised so transferred me, I was little swollen from water retention from 20wks and had kept on asking for them to check me over they kept saying I was fine.... well when I got transferred to the other hospital they instantly diagnosed the preeclampsia I was in hospital from that day, then at 31w2d I had an emergency c section and now have a gorgeous 16 month old.... so my word of hope is never give up, due to your tragic loss they will monitor you and you make sure they listen to you when you have a gut feeling and you will have your little ray of sunshine after one hell of a storm..... fingers crossed everything works out for you and I am sincerely sorry for your loss from someone who understands.... if you ever need to talk just drop me a message and I'll gladly give any advice, be a shoulder anything you need as I know speaking to someone who has been there too can make you feel not so alone xxxxx

I tap sorry for everything you went through. I’m glad you got to take your son home. It sounds quite similar in that I kept saying to the midwife and the GP that I wasn’t feeling her at all any more and I just felt horrendous with most of the signs of pre-eclampsia. On the day we found out I phoned to say I was bleeding and was again told it was normal and “probably thrush” despite not having any symptoms of thrush. We took it upon ourselves to go to hospital and found out Niamh had died and that I had Help syndrome so basically if I had followed the midwifes advice I would have probably died myself that night. I don’t know why they didn’t do more for us and it makes me so angry every day, I hope we’ll soon have her review and some explanation, they didn’t check my blood pressure or urine so we know mistakes were made. Hearing about your son being born early and being ok does give me hope, because if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again we’ll probably be in that situation ourselves. I wish they had been able to do that for Niamh. x

I wish they had too.... problem with these doctors etc is they think they know our bodies better than we do ourselves and they class us as over worried pregnant women etc.... actually no! Listen to us!

I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you get the answers you need! Niamh is such a beautiful name for a beautiful angel....

Good luck on your journey and I really do hope we see a post soon with a happy ending xxxxx

I am so sorry you have lost your beautiful Niamh. How can we possibly understand why this happened? So tragic. I can only think she was called back to higher service, asking every one of us to have complete faith and acceptance in our journeys. I am so glad you are not giving up. Massive hug as you grieve for her, I cannot even imagine your pain. Love to you both xx

Oh I am so so sorry to hear you news. So sad for your loss. I hope you find some support/help coming back to the forum. Thinking of you

Thank you. All of the messages on here have been such a help. x

Oh my gosh I am so so sorry to read this, I cannot begin to imagine what you have gone through these last few months. I think it's amazing you are remaining hopeful, I am trying to do the same, and let's wish on these clinics to reopen 😘 xxx

I saw yesterday guidelines have been released for them on how to reopen so I’m hopeful that means it’s going to happen very soon! x

I am so sorry for your loss I can't even imagine the pain you have been through , yes we have all loss people I lost my mum when I was 7 years old and my dad at 23

But to lose a baby , I can't imagine , God will give you this strength to help you through this I am sure , if you ever need to talk we are always here 😘😘😘

It really is a different kind of pain especially after infertility. Thank you for your message, I’m sorry you lost your parents I can’t even imagine how you got through that. x

Yes I am sure it is so sorry , it's bad enough we are all going through this , and for that to happen as well is just not fair is it xxxxx

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. It is truly heartbreaking to read updates like this.

I wish you so much luck with your future cycle. Take care of yourself xx

Thank you. x

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine. Sending you all the strength that I have ❤️

Thank you x

That's such a sad and difficult thing to go through. I'm sooo sorry for your loss. Good luck with your next journey, very strong person you're gna be fine. Love the name Niamh it's what I want to call mine. Thinking of you...and welcome back xxx

Thank you. x

I’m so so sorry to read this, life can be truly cruel. You are such a strong lady, I hope your clinic can give you some good news soon xx

Thank you x

So sorry for your loss. My greatest fair🙏😥

Thank you x

You will fall pregnant again and again and be happy in Jesus name Amen. So sorry for your loss may Almighty God wrap HIS miraculous arms around you and partner in Jesus name Amen. Trust me you shall smile again. Hugs

I’m so so sorry that you lost your daughter Niamh, my heart is breaking reading your story. I just don’t know why life can be this cruel. Wishing you so much strength and luck as you continue your journey 💕💕 xx

Thank you x

Oh gosh , I simply can’t imagine , that’s completely devastating and can’t comprehend what you must have been through. I can’t offer any wisdom as to how long you would be waiting especially now but just wanted to say so so sorry for your loss xx

Thank you x

I am so sorry for the loss of your angel. I could imagine the pain you’re going through in the midst of this crisis. No words of comfort is enough. But I hope you will happily get to hold your beautiful baby in your arms in the future. Mind yourself and best of luck to us all xxx

Thank you x

oh so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news. It must be incredibly hard but don't give up. I have friends who have gone through terrible things like this and in the end they got their bundle of joy.

Thank you x

Can't find the words to express how sorry I am that this has happened to you. Cruel and desperately unfair. You are so strong and so brave. Rest in peace beautiful Niamh ❤️ x

Thank you x

I’m so sorry about your daughter. I hope you get started again once your clinic reopens x

Thank you I hope so too. x

I am so sorry to read this. I remember your posts from last year. Sending you hope for

the future. You are incredibly strong ❤️ X

Thank you. X


I am so sorry. Praying that you have continued strength during this time. We are here for you.

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Thank you x

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