2nd Miscarriage at 5+5 weeks

[Optimisticsurrogate]

We have had 3 FET transfers in total, the first didn't implant but the 2nd 2 both did. All 3 embryos were 4AAs. I got to exactly the same gestation of 5+5 and 5+4 and both times experienced a bleed. Had a scan both times the first was an internal scan which showed the sac and yolk sac but no fetal pole and resulted in a complete miscarriage. The 2nd scan I had a private external scan after the first bleed this showed a sac but we couldn't see a contents within, I don't know if this was due to it being an external scan as the sonographer struggled to locate the sac or if it was just truly empty. By the time I had a repeat internal scan at the hospital I had had a further bleed and the sac was gone so I will never truly know.

Bit of background. I am acting as a surrogate, I have 3 girls of my own, I have experienced my own miscarriages too. Does anyone know if you can reject an embryo that's not yours? This is my worry that no matter how many transfers we have I will never be able to carry for this couple. I have also been concerned that maybe I can't carry boys? Can this actually be a thing? I've read top quality embryos like the ones we transferred have a 72% chance of being boys so that's always been on my mind. And thirdly my couple never had their embryos tested but they have been told if they thaw them and test them and refreeze them it drops the success rate down from 50% to 20%. They have 5 embryos left and they've been very certain they want to try again, but this is having a huge impact on my life, my employer is not supportive, I am trying to manage my own children and also I've found it a very stressful experience more than I thought I would, it brings back a lot of memories of my own losses too. I'm hesitant to try again without really knowing why this is happening.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Optimisticsurrogate. So sorry to hear this, but I doubt very much that you arerejrcting someone else’s embryos, as there have been too many successes for others. My thoughts would be to maybe seek a hysteroscopy to check your womb out and also your Fallopian tubes. Why not speak to surrogacyuk.org for guidance. All the best. Diane

[Optimisticsurrogate in reply to DianeArnold]

Hi DianeThanks for your message, I gave actually already had a hysteroscopy between the 1st and 2nd transfer which showed no abnormalities on my part so the consultants have ruled out any issues that end. I am also read a member of SUK and have support from their end. I'm hoping that someone who had perhaps had donated embryos may have any advice on further testing that could be done. 🙂

[Katiee1]

Hey,

I’m really sorry that I don’t have any advice to offer but I couldn’t not leave a message to say how amazing you are. You sound like you’ve gone through so much and are now obviously going through a lot and I can only imagine how triggering these losses as a surrogate are for you. I guess whilst your clearly a very selfless person, you’ve just got to do what’s right for you and protect yourself. You still need to be standing strong at the end of it all, don’t put your feelings and wellbeing on the back burner as blooming hard as that is.

I have so much respect for you, take care lovely xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I had a large number of early miscarriages and whilst I am sure other clinics would tell me different, my consultants (and I got a second opinion) always said it was likely chromosomal for anything early on (pre 8 weeks), which would suggest maybe testing the embryos would maybe be a good idea? x

[minnesota_girl]

Hi there, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I agree that I'd focus maybe on what tests the couple are doing for their own embryos - before they come to you in transfer. Deeper diagnostics into sperm DNA testing and PGT testing of embryos being some choices. It's possible that there are unresolved embryo issues that are reducing success in surrogacy? My heart goes out to you for doing such a selfless thing and for what you're going through while doing this. 💕

[Britt86]

Hey! Really cool thing you are doing for this couple!! Honestly, it is probably the quality of the embryos. I had 6 good quality embryos and have transferred 5 so far, none of them have implanted. I was never advised to get them genetically tested so I have no idea if it’s me or the embryos…I have had hysteroscopy as well and all looked good 🤷‍♀️ I’m not sure how long you are giving yourself between transfers but I definitely think it’s important to give your mind/body a break. I have only ever done 2 transfers a year. My sister-in-law offered to be our surrogate a few months ago and now that this last transfer didn’t work, we’re considering it. Any advice on how to approach this conversation without her feeling obligated/pressure? Good luck to you and I would suggest taking a bit of a break and letting the couple know you can maybe only do one more transfer so they can mentally prepare. That’s a shit ton of embryos to transfer, especially since they were never even genetically tested!

[Optimisticsurrogate in reply to Britt86]

Hey thanks for your reply, we recently met with our consultant and she seemed to air more towards the rejection side of things. We did enquire about testing the embryos but we decided the risk of losing them outweighed the benefit considering my intended mother was late 20s when they were made. We have been given the options of a uterine scratch and embryo glue in hopes of promoting implantation and reducing the risk of miscarriage. We were also advised that we could use steroids and intralipid infusion to suppress the natural killer cells that may have resulted in rejection on my last 2 transfers that both ended in early miscarriage. My intended mother is also looking at making fresh embryos and having those tested too. I'm really sorry to hear that you've not had the success with your transfers that you had hoped. Have you discussed add ons with your clinic? The HFEA website has information on add ons as well as independently looking at research thar has been completed. My clinic has reported using these add ons after repeated miscarriage for women and these women have then gone on to have successful pregnancies, obviously it's hard to say if these were due to the add ons but I don't think it hurts to try something new if you've had previous failures. In terms of the surrogacy offer from your sister in law it's a very kind offer. I would advise you to speak to surrogacy UK or one of the other organisations such as brilliant beginnings they can offer a lot of help and advice for both parties and can act as a happy mediator for the difficult things like expenses for the surrogate. In the UK surrogates are nor for profit but it is routine to pay for expenses so the surrogate isn't out of pocket these things can be things like fuel for clinic appointments, covering a loss of pay for appointments, antenatal classes etc and the organisations can help guide you through these. Of course you can do surrogacy independently if you wish to do so but the organisations are very knowledgeable and provide good support for both intended parents and surrogates too. Good luck on your journey xxx