Really struggling today…

[Mrsjaytee]

Currently in the middle of our approx 2 week wait on our PGS-A results.

This is our 5th & final attempt. Only 1 day 6 embryo is away for testing & im 41… so really, this is it.

I thought I had accepted that if it’s not good news then it’s ok, we have our daughter & for her we are extremely lucky… but last night I just cried & cried. I’m trying to stay positive that this wee embie will be good, but my past experiences are just getting the better of me.

Then today in work, a girl has just hinted to everybody that she’s pregnant (not trying & not planned), and I had to hold back the tears so much that my eyes filled with water & my lense fell out. I’m just really struggling.

I just can’t get my head straight 🥹

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Just take each day as it comes and do not be too hard on yourself This is a stressful time for you maybe you could benefit with a day or two away from work so you can relax while waiting for the results Make sure you have people around you who can support you

Take care of yourself

Janet

[Simmokt]

I really hope it works out for you. Fingers crossed. This whole process is such a roller coaster. Take care x

[Pebbles345]

it's so hard! It's also very unfair that we have to go through IVF when others find it so easy. I've had many times when I've gone to the toilet and cried over my shoes 🙁.

You've done this before, you know that whatever the outcome you will start to feel better again. It will take time but things will become clearer and you will feel ok and look forward to things again.

Wishing you all the luck this time, it could be your time xxx

[Mlove12]

Thinking of you! It’s ok to have up and down days, your feelings are valid. Take some time for yourself. The situation is out of your hands now, all you can do it wait and hope. Keeping fingers crossed for you 💕

[pink_lemon]

I am so sorry you are in this situation. I can relate as our age and condition are similar. We will be trying for a sibling for our double rainbow ivf baby too and I am not sure what it will do to me if we are not lucky second time around. But I just want to say….speaking to other mothers, who got around to their babies easily or even by accident…tge experience is so different. I feel anyway from what I hear them say sometimes. That lady from you work surely will love her baby but win’t appreciate. If your daughter is also a little miracle, then you probably know what I mean. I personally would not trade our difficult situation even if it means maybe just having one. I truly enjoy every moment of it.

I hope your embryo is good and will get its chance. xx

[Corchi]

sending you a massive hug your way and how much I and I’m sure all of us here understand you and empathize. Take a deep breath, think of your daughter and how lucky you are already. I try and focus on that with my kids as i sit here passing clots and terrified to even move or cough (5 weeks pregnant)

[Mrsjaytee in reply to Corchi]

awwww, I feel for you. Fingers crossed it’s just the meds & all is ok. Get yourself an early scan booked. I hope you are ok. xx

[Corchi]

thanks you too 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[Poop84]

hi I’m in the middle of waiting too. It’s intense and I’d say the hardest bit …harder than waiting for embryo updates from the embryologists!

I’ve been trying to do nothing this weekend or on the evenings. I’ve got some social events on but my friends know I may bail at any moment and even if I don’t get my results I’ll be doing what feels right for me. That said we have a family wedding this weekend on hubby’s side I am being open minded if I’m going or not. My mental health is priority.

Do whatever makes you feel better. I’ve decided to work but if it gets too much I’ll go off sick if I need to.

Hang in there. Deep breathing or meditation. Walks. Eating comfort food. Netflix? Whatever it is I hope it brings you some interim peace and sanity.

Here if you need me x

[Mrsjaytee in reply to Poop84]

Thanks - today is worse. I think I am exhausted. My husband has been ill since Thursday night with V&D so i have been solo parenting our toddler (21 months) on my own....and when i dropped her at nursery today they rang straight away to say she has a temp.....on top of that the first email from work was about the girl in my team being pregnant, and how shocked she was as she wasn't even trying....honestly, i am happy for her but yet it just makes me so sad, and i am annoyed at how my 'friend' just blurted it all out and how she made all the comments re 'not even trying'...it came from my friend who knows what we are going through and knows what stage we are at.

I had planned to work from home on Thursday (and i dont work Fridays) as i am hopeful we will get our results on one of those days, but now because of the 2 sickies, i think i am going to have to be at home tomorrow and go in on Thursday...i cant bear the thought of being in work if the news is bad. I just keep hoping that the fact this wee embie made it to day 5, then day 6, that it just might be a goodie...

I feel like i am being super whingey and i dont mean to be, but i am just so overwhelmed and feel like just locking myself away and crying. I couldnt care less about work this week and i just wish i could get some time to myself. I am a firm believer in meditation, but i cant even get the time and when i do, and i try, i am just so wound up...

When are you due your results? Have you had any testing done before? It is the worst wait. I hope you got a few sent off and i really hope you get some positive results. I am going to trawl this site for positivity i think...i need to shift this mindset. xx

[Poop84 in reply to Mrsjaytee]

hey lovely that’s a lot to be contending with this week. Can’t you go off sick? I haven’t shared anything with work lot because of gossip and knowing they have no idea on how to support me with it!

My lab sent off the testing on Thursday 16th so really we should get a call anytime this week. It’ll be two weeks on Tuesday.

I’m with a London clinic who said 10 days for pgs results but the lab said 2 weeks.

I know this is hard I’ve not done pgs testing before always told not to given my age I’m 38 and low reserve. So I’m super worried and anxious but working. I can’t explain to you how I do it, but I know I’m being open to anything right now. I’m hoping you get some good news you deserve it. And after this weeks trivial you defo need to hear it. Maybe even if it’s good news take some time out from work to process. I read about grieving embryos as a reality of processing trauma for us all. Why don’t we do it?

I’ve been watching feel good movies, meditating, talking to good friends who support me, and praying to get me through this. Xxx

When should you hear back? X

[Mrsjaytee in reply to Poop84]

Its a weird one, we nearly didnt test this time, however, deep down, it is better to know before a transfer, whether the wee embie is viable.

i have had 7 tested before this one. 2 came back as good. One is my daughter and the other i miscarried, which i was really not expecting given it had passed, however, i guess testing doesnt guarantee success, but it does help improve the chances. What we found when we transferred our daughter, was that throughout the pregnancy it was great knowing she didnt have any chromosome abnormalities.

With all our embryos that failed the testing 4 of them wouldnt have implanted or i would def have miscarried (but who knows when) and one of them may have resulted in a birth, but would not have been fit for life.

I am 41, therefore, if we didnt test, we would have had to do the screening at a later stage, and we just feel that would have been harder. Whilst its hard to hear at any time, it is the lesser of 2 evils finding out before a transfer.

My work has been quite supportive over the IVF, this being cycle 5, each time has been very different, but i just feel that if i tried to explain to them that i am struggling to function this week, they would put a black mark against my name. Im going to WFH today and tomorrow, and on Thursday, if i get the call, i might just head home after.

The 3 cycles we have done PGS, the results have always came through 13 days after they are sent. You will def be getting your results super soon. I will prob hear on Fri or Sat (if they make calls on Sat for results).. x

[Poop84 in reply to Mrsjaytee]

I really hope it’s good news. 😀for both of us. Either way I plan to grieve - each cycle is about processing what we have gained and lost I guess. Ie we have both probably lost embryos before day 5 that we need to process.

[Poop84 in reply to Mrsjaytee]

I think wfh is a good plan and having some time away from the office and colleague who is insensitive. Sometimes people don’t know how to react and or be with someone whose going through ivf. X

[EdwardsSarah996]

We're all here following your story Mrsjaytee. I cannot share with you the same experiences yet though because I'm just starting with IVF myself. I got delayed since we had to have surgery for my blocked fallopian tubes, plus I had to adjust my weight to fit the required BMI. I have no kids at all yet, so in a way you're luckier than me since you already have your toddler daughter. Either way, I wish you luck for this cycle!

[Mrsjaytee in reply to EdwardsSarah996]

and i am extremely grateful for her. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your journey isnt as much as a struggle as it can be for others.

I am an older mum, i had her at 39. We dont have a big family, so she only has 1 cousin who lives overseas, and i just worry that she will be on her own later in life, hence really wanting a sibling for her, but what will be will be and i know after this outcome that i did give it my all and couldnt have done any more.

[EdwardsSarah996 in reply to Mrsjaytee]

I have you as an inspiration! I am currently 30 and seeking to have IVF with own eggs. I really hope you make it with your embryo this cycle so you can give your daughter a sibling - it would be great if you do especially since this could be your last try!