Really Feeling it today. :(

[mythyroidlife]

Hi everyone.

I’m sorry for such a negative post but today I am really feeling it.

Me and my wife have been trying for ages and ages. We have been for tests and there is a little problem on both sides.

Me - my sperm doesn’t move in a forward direction but it’s not that bad.

My wife- she could have a blocked tube on the left hand side. And low hormone level..(I’m useless at remembering)

Basically before corona she was due to have a operation in March to check the tube or remove it (they said they wouldn’t do ivf with a blocked tube)

Then start her on this hormone tablets.

I honestly thought it would be our time afterwards. I thought yep this will work and we will finally have our dream of becoming parents.

Well low and behold they cancelled the operation, which I don’t mind as I know many many people are sick ,but a part of me thinks why us. What have we done to deserve this shit luck.

I am 31. I am the only one of my friends and family that doesn’t have a child. Only my closest family know the situation.

I know my wife is feeling it and I try and shrug it off and reassure her that everything is fine. But deep down I am feeling it too..

The specialist at the hospital said has told us once my wife is on the hormone tablets then if nothing happens in 6 months then we will start IVF , I honestly just want to tell her that we have waited long enough. But I can’t.

So yeah... not a word on when her operation will be rescheduled and I’m starting to lose hope.

We have even stopped trying. What’s the point?

Sorry for the negative post. It’s not a good day today.

Stay safe everyone.

[Tiddly1984]

Hi, so sorry that you and your wife have experienced this. Infertility is such a difficult road to be on especially when those closest to you are extending their families and there’s no telling why you’ve been dealt the difficult card. Unfortunately because of the current crisis most operations of this nature have been postponed as have IVF transfers so you are not alone there. I think the main thing to hold onto is that you have a plan recommended by your specialist which may very well have a positive outcome which may mean that IVF isn’t necessary in for you. It’s very frustrating having a delay but please don’t lose hope. The issues which you and your wife have are known and are being accounted for so there’s every reason to feel positive going forward. The operation will be rescheduled in time, you just need to be patient. Also try not to focus too much on the lives of your family and friends, you’re still young and sometimes things take time but it doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Continue to be there for each other and stay positive about what the future holds for you both. Negative thoughts will only bring forth feelings of hopelessness and will make you both miserable in the meantime when actually your future may hold exactly what u want in a matter of months. Know that this crisis won’t last for ever. Best of luck...x

[FluffyPink]

So sorry this is happening to you. Lots of us here have had treatment cancelled and because our daily routines have changed I find there are fewer distractions than normal. So we end up thinking about fertility more than ever!

Having been on this “journey” with my husband for the past four years, what I came to realise is that we are seldom in the exact same place emotionally at the same time. So he was experiencing awful grief and guilt he didn’t tell me about at the time (so as not to burden me). But that only left me feeling alone and confused.

We’ve learnt over time just to tell each other when we are having a rotten time (even to laugh about the ridiculousness of being surrounded of family members and friends who become pregnant “first time”)!

It sounds like you are grieving for the child you thought you would have by now and friends/family having babies only triggers thoughts of this. I’m sure your partner is grieving too. She might find it very supportive if you could grieve for this together. It might help if you tell her how you are feeling.

The one thing you might find at the end of all of this is that your relationship is stronger than all of those people who haven’t had these obstacles to having a family. It is easier to

make small sacrifices for each other when you know you are such a solid team. And that is something you will have well beyond this crisis. You are still young (I’m sure irritatingly loads of people have said that to you!) but as you know this can often make a huge difference to this type of treatment. Sending you hugs & tons of good wishes at this awful time. xx

[crisps88]

So sorry for you. You’re both on this journey together aNd sound like such a strong couple.

It’s the most cruel emotional and physical rollercoaster ivf and it is so overwhelming and life consuming.

I know you appreciate others circumstances and what’s happening around you but you deserve a down in the dumps time as well. It’s not fair and I’m sure you will both make amazing parents when the time comes.

Thinking of yo both and Be kind to yourself if you need to be sad feel it and don’t apologise for it it’s a tough ride.

Xxcc

[Rella22]

This journey is by far the most difficult to experience when it comes down to longing for a baby.

But please be kind to yourselves, don't blame each other, and remember sometimes we all need to overcome some type of hurdle in life.

Covid situation is making infertility even more difficult to bare. Be patient and give yourself time to go through the stages of grief. But once you do, get back into the game and start trying. Try to relax and have fun.

[Run4ever]

just to say i understand. my husband and i were about to finally have my blocked tube clipped and it’s been cancelled so IVF won’t touch me until that’s done.

[Rain415]

I’m so sorry to hear this, we are in a similar situation. My husband was meant to have surgery on his varacocile in feb but it was cancelled due to ‘specialist equipment’ not being available and now we have no idea when surgery will be. We were meant to have an IVF meeting in May but it has also been cancelled. Felt as though we had a plan and hope after so long and now everything is up in the air again. I’m just trying to remind myself that by summer we will hopefully know more and be back on track. I wish you luck and I hope you both will not be waiting too long.

[FertileMind]

It’s always interesting how these curve balls can somehow give us gems of knowledge that we need time to consider., and the space and time to do so...covid-19 is doing just that if we can gain anything positive from this forced stop to our normal routines.

I also have one blocked tube, and my husband and I thought the same as you at one time, but reconsidered: it may seem like there’s no point but I think there’s always a point in trying, even if you only give each other a massage! It brings you closer emotionally. Now you think the pressure is off, you can enjoy each other without trying, if that makes sense. You never know which side you’re ovulating on (unless you gave a scan) 🙏 Definitely communicate your feelings to her - it’s so important. Cry together, explain your fears and thoughts - be vulnerable. It builds trust and brings you together.

If you’re having IVF, I don’t know why they need to remove the one Fallopian tube? in IVF, doctors aspirate the eggs directly from the follicles in the ovaries and implant it in the womb, so the Fallopian tube has no job to do! Perhaps try and unblock it if they can, but have you asked why they want to remove it? If you don’t have to put your body through an operation and general anaesthetic, why would you? Don’t be afraid to question your doctors. It’s your body and it’s a collaboration to reach a common goal.

Sometimes pelvic massage you do on yourself can remove the scar tissue/blockage. Look up fertility massage.

Guys contribute up to 1/4 of unexplained fertility so you’re both on this journey together. My husband takes what I take - 50% is the egg but 50% is also the sperm - both need to be healthy.

The mind-body connection is key - manifest what you want, focus on the positive of what you DO want, not what you don’t want. Is there anything in your subconscious that may be holding you back from having kids? Finances, space in your home, space in your life, jobs? Take a look at anything that may be impacting you psychologically. There’s a lot of research in this field.

Chronic stress causes the body to become de-sensitised to the anti-inflammatory effects of cortisol. This leads to inflammation and high cytokines levels which can impact implantation negatively. Have you considered hypnotherapy (you can do this over Skype) meditation, self reflexology and Give each other massages to reduce stress? acupuncture when Covid-19 restrictions aren’t lifted.

Stress causes an imbalance in hormone levels, as does a poor gut biome. Gut biome.., make sure you’re both eating a good balanced diet and taking a probiotic supplement daily to increase your good gut bacteria so you can absorb the nutritious food. (You can get ones with 20billion in a capsule)

Drugs treat symptoms, but one needs to address the reason for the hormone imbalance.

Alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, dairy, processed food, caffeine all put extra strain on the body - toxins the body has to eliminate, which takes energy. Lots of meat causes inflammation too. Cells need energy to divide correctly so we can help by not putting extra strain on our bodies.

Antioxidants reduce cell abnormalities.

Ubiquinol (energy for the cell mitochondria to divide correctly) Omega-3, vitamin D3, myo-inositol, Methylfolate, vitamin C, zinc, electrolyte balance, selenium, iodine and macronutrients are very important. There’s lots of info available on how you can help yourself through diet and supplements. Check out Zita West's IVF diet for inspiration.

Whenever I feel there’s no hope or I feel dejected, I take action. This helps one feel in control again. Take baby steps! Best of luck on your journey... nothing’s a coincidence.... trust that this is meant to be, and if you’re open to learning, this process could be a wonderful blessing to you and others who YOU may also be able to help along the way 🙏💕

We’re all rooting for you guys - we’re all on the same path. Don’t give up xx