Hi, Feeling really fed up. I've just had my sixth cycle of ivf which has today ended with my period.
I'm 37, my first two cycles, August 2017 and November 2017, both fresh. Third cycle in January 2018 was successful and we have a 4 year old boy. Which is the main reason for doing this, for his sake. I so badly want him to have a brother or sister.
Fourth cycle in August this year, fifth cycle in October and sixth cycle in November.
My first cycle I had 22 eggs collected, with gonal-f. Only one embryo made it to day 5, which was top quality but unfortunately didn't result in a pregnancy.
Because of the large amount of eggs, I was changed to 150 of menopur for my second cycle, which resulted in 17 eggs, of which by day 5 I had 5 embryos. All 5 were not good quality. 2 were put back and the other 3 frozen. Unfortunately did not result in pregnancy.
3rd cycle was a frozen embryo transfer with 2 embryos put back. Resulted in my little boy who is now 4.
4th cycle in August this year was the last remaining frozen embryo. Resulted in a pregnancy however at 5 weeks I had an early miscarriage.
5th cycle was fresh, 150 of menopur again however only collected 3 eggs and none of them fertilised so did not make it it to embryo transfer.
My 6th cycle my dosage was increased to 225 of menopur. Resulted in 25 eggs collected. 17 fertilised, 8 made it to day 3, but only 3 made it to day 5 and when I went for the embryo transfer on day 6 I was told that it was down to just 2 embryos that weren't developing as fast as they'd like, so recommended transferring 2 back because they weren't sure if they'd make it to be frozen. Was also told that they didn't know the quality of them either? Apparently that happens sometimes but I've never heard of it myself.
Not due to do my pregnancy test until Wednesday but today I've started my period.
I have pcos and my AMH levels are very high, doctor was hesitant to increase my dosage of menopur but did to 225, but I doubt they'd be looking to increase it again, because of the risk of over stimulating. I was at high risk this cycle.
I feel beyond fed up. I know my body can obviously get pregnant because I have before, and even recently the chemical miscarriage, although I'm wondering whether that was down to the embryo being from 5 years ago, when I was 5 years younger.
I feel so much pressure on myself because my partners parents have paid for our ivf. We had the first cycle free on the nhs but they've paid the rest.
I know they'd be willing to pay for us to have it again too, but I feel so much guilt when it doesn't work, so much money of just gone like that and so much pressure on me when it doesn't work.
I just want it so much for my son. Myself and my partner come from big families and can't bear the thought of him being an only child.
We are so incredibly lucky to have him. He's an actual miracle. And the very fact that it took a few attempts to get him makes me think I should keep going, and for his sake, but mentally it is so incredibly draining.
The last 3 cycles have pretty much been one after another - 3 since August. Now because of Christmas I wouldn't be able to start another cycle until January anyway which is maybe a good thing, I don't know give my body a chance to recover from it all.
Just feel like it's not gonna happen this time for us. When I look at my little boy I feel so lucky to have him, when so many people don't ever even get the chance to have one child. But for me, I'm finding this so much more difficult because it's not for me as much now, it's for my little boy.
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Noahsmummy2018
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I mean it when I say that I feel your pain. I had my daughter (who’s now 6) naturally after 5 years ttc. I have endometriosis and was only diagnosed a couple years after marriage, had the surgery then I had her. It didn’t happen for us naturally after (bar one time during IVF stims and I miscarried at 10 weeks unfortunately). Then 4 transfers and nothing.
I’m also doing this for my daughter but I don’t know whether I want to keep on going. I feel it’s good to have a forced break in December to think about next steps. Like you my parents have been funding this so I feel terrible for letting them down too.
I would say though that you are 37 so don’t give up hope yet. I’m 40.5 so the situation is a bit different for me, but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Ask your doctor questions and perhaps get some tests done if you haven’t already, before going into another cycle/transfer.
So sorry to hear of your miscarriage and your whole ivf experience. It's so difficult mentally when you feel like you're just failing everyone left, right and centre. I feel like I'm letting my little boy down by not being able to give him a brother or sister, and like you, feel terrible when it doesn't work because of the financial side of it, when someone else is paying for it and it doesn't work, it's just horrendous. My partners mum and dad are both supportive of it and keep telling me not to worry about the money, but I do. I really think it's so unfair that anyone should have to pay to have a family. It's not right at all.
It's so difficult to know when enough is enough isn't it? I feel like surely I'll get to a point where I just have to come to terms with it if it doesn't work, but right now I don't feel like I'm able to.
Thank you, it's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Feel so lucky everyday to have my little boy as I'm sure you do with your daughter x x
Thanks so much for your lovely message. Completely agree that it’s really unfair to have to pay to have a family. And it breaks my heart when people ask if I’d like to give my daughter a sibling as if I’m choosing not to! People just don’t understand, even more so if you’ve already had a child.
You shouldn’t have to give up as long as you’d like to keep on going. You have a couple more years ahead and I really hope it won’t be long before you bring another child into this world.
I feel very lucky and blessed to have my daughter. I keep asking my husband “is it too much to want one more child?”. In my case I’m giving it one more year before giving up/leaving it to nature.
Wishing you all the best. Here if you ever need to chat xx
For what it is worth I am a retired midwife & fertility awareness educator for 40 yrs .I believe your difficulty is due to a nutritional deficiency which IV F doesn’t acknowledge.Ask for vit D,folate,iron,active vit B12,, homocysteine ,zinc levels.A vit b12 deficiency can cause infertility in males & females ,miscarriages & foetal abnormalities.1 client I was assisting to achieve had already attended IVF taken hormones & fertility drugs still no pregnancy after 4 yrs.Her vit B12 was checked low below 550 so she supplemented with oral spray methyl b12 & conceived within 4 mths .Another client miscarriaged was taking folic acid which cause malabsorption of vit B12 .2 more miscarriages after covid vax .She saw a naturapath who tested her for MTHFR genetic mutation she had a positive result .Folate is to be taken a better option as folic acid can deplete b12 . She is now 28 wks due inFebruary.I hope this information has been helpful for you & you achieve a pregnancy.
I had vit B12 deficiency and my doctor gave me injections before my ivf round, so I think some doctors do recognise the importance. It still didn't work for me though, but for other reasons. I also have PCOS and produce a lot of eggs where most don't make it to day 5 and I've had OHSS twice. I changed clinics and the doctor said that I'm better off doing a mild cycle. Similar to the 150mg cycle, but a short protocol. I ended up with the same number of embryos, with less drugs, less impact and less cost. I've spoken to a lot of different doctors as I wanted different opinions and some say you need as many eggs as you can produce and others say concentrate on quality. One doctor told me PCOS impacts egg quality, so I've been taking every vitamin under the sun.
Noahsmummy2018 , I'm really sorry you are going through this, it absolutely sucks and there really isn't enough research and consistency of advice out there.
You know you can get pregnant, you're 37, so you have time, be kind to yourself and have a break over Christmas. Massive hugs and fairy dust for next year. Let's hope this is your year. ❤
Thanks for your response. I wasn't aware that there was was injection for b12? How many did you have to have? Does it improve things alot quicker than taking in a tablet form?
Hope you don't mind me asking, but what vitamins do you take?
My doctor has always been pretty adamant that the egg quality is much more important than quality. Apparently the "ideal" amount of eggs is between 10-15. You can't help but think surely by having more though gives you a better chance?! I was at risk of OHSS but thankfully didn't get it, it sounds horrendous 😕
Thank you - it probably doesn't help that I'm ridiculously stubborn and don't give up on things easily! Sometimes I wish I could, but I'm definitely not at the stage where I can think about giving up just yet. It's so so difficult isn't it. X x
It was 4 years ago, I think I had 5 injections. 2 in the first week and then 1 a week after that. Not an easy injection, although I'm a dab hand at injections now 🤪I've just come across british supplements and changed what I take as I'm going to donor eggs now. I was on so many vitamins it's ridiculous. Here you go:
Inositol, Maca, Methyltetrahydrofolate, omega 3 and N. Acetyl Cysteine from metabolics, magnesium, bee pollen, ubiquinol, vitamin D, A and B12 and a probiotic.
I've probably missed some out. Not sure that I needed to take all this, but I didn't want to take any chances.
Wow, that's quite a list 🤣 I've never been very good with vitamins to be honest, even vitamin d I've only been taking for about 4 months. I've spoken to my GP today and have a blood test booked for next week, silly but in a way I'm actually hoping that it does come back that I have some sort of deficiency, so atleast I've got something to kind of work towards. I think you do become a pro at injections once you've been through ivf 😱 x
Thank you so much for your reply. I'm speaking to my doctor tomorrow to discuss having a blood test to see if I do have a nutritional deficiency. I wouldn't be surprised if I do, to be honest I'm not very good with taking vitamins - I only take vitamin D and folic acid. I wasn't aware that folic acid can actually deplete b12? I also don't eat red meat, or fish, and could be definitely better diet-wise too.
When I was pregnant with my son, I had low iron levels and had to take iron tablets.
I'm speaking to my consultant on 5th January about what to do next. When I spoke to him before the previous two cycles, he's been confident that I can still have a baby, seeing as I have previously and been pregnant recently.
Just don't know what they'll recommend now.
I'm not sure if there is an in-between dosage of menopur - I was on 150 originally and then 225, but I feel like surely somewhere in the middle of those two would be best to achieve an optimal amount of eggs - 150 I only got 3 eggs and 225 I had 25 eggs collected, which I know is alot and affects the quality.
You're doing a great job! I don't have any answers to your questions but wanted to say that I know how you feel and it's tough! I also have a son from a successful FET and now trying for a sibling. I am in a slightly different position as once our frozen embryos run out then we won't be going for any more collections so it adds and takes away pressure in equal measure!
I hope that your consultant is able to offer some alternatives, I do feel like it's trial and error a lot of the time. Good luck xx
Thank you 😊 I think you're right about the trial and error part, and definitely a fair bit of luck being involved. I know there's not any evidence behind it, but I feel like because my successful cycle was frozen, and my cycle that resulted in a chemical pregnancy was also frozen, all of the other 4 cycles have been fresh and I'm wondering whether to do a freeze-all next time and just stick to frozen transfers. Probably doesn't make the slightest bit of difference, but just mentally 🤷♀️ who knows.
Hi Noahsmummy, I would also ask about taking inositol as that helps improve egg quality especially for PCOS. It was recommended to me even though I don't have PCOS just high AMH for my age, 44, and this IVF produced the best quality embryos in 6 rounds. I know everyone is different and there's no one magic supplement that works but good to have some information to see what feels right for you. Lots of luck xx
Thank you. That's really helpful as I've never even heard of inositol, so I've messaged my clinic and asked about it. My AMH level was 35.1, so very high, which some people would see as a good thing for producing alot of eggs, but then if they're rubbish quality you'd rather just have a handful of good ones instead 🤷♀️ Do you mind if I ask how long you have been taking it for? X x
I actually was only taking it for a couple of months, so not too long. I took the Zita West one which contains folate too and just dissolves in water, I've asked a few other people about it since and a couple said they really think it made the difference for them. It was a London clinic that I had a second opinion consult with who recommended it for me but my original clinic never mentioned it, funny how clinics differ!
hi. I just wanted to say that I feel your pain. We were incredibly lucky to get pregnant from our first round of IVF back in 2017 and have beautiful 4 year old boy.
Fast forward 5 years and our 5th transfer has just failed (3 BFNs and a miscarriage at 9weeks). We have 3 in the freezer so still a little hope but I guess I naively thought trying for a sibling would be easier than this.
Never feel bad for wanting a second child…this process is so incredibly difficult and we should all be entitled to make the choices we want in life. Infertility takes that choice away xxx
So sorry to hear that 😞 one of my friends also was successful on their first ivf attempt 8 years ago and have a son. Since then, they have had 7 more cycles, one resulted in a pregnancy but but heartbeat at 7 weeks scan 😩 all other cycles resulted in nothing. They're now going through the adoption process. It doesn't get any easier, does it. I don't think anyone can fully understand just how tough it is until they have to go through it themselves.
One of my friends keeps saying "everything for a reason" and "it'll happen", and I know she means well but it's easy for someone to have a whole different perspective on it when they're not having inject themselves daily, have scans, blood tests, egg retrieval, the anxiety of waiting to see if anything even makes it fertilisation let alone make it to transfer to then the dreaded waiting to do the test, analysing every single twinge, googling everything under the sun, it really is mentally so draining, but at the same time I think every woman becomes so much stronger as a person when they've had to endure all of this.
Having to go through it so many times to get something so special, that alot of people take for granted and don't realise just how much of a miracle it really is.
I really hope that it happens for you, big hugs x x
you really hit the nail on the head there. I feel so guilty sometimes for wanting a second child when my absolute miracle has already arrived! I do not forsake that ever! We are the success stories and I do know that and thank my lucky stars every day but it doesn’t take away the other struggles.
Thank you for your post. It does help to know others are going through similar. I really hope you find some peace. I think we will know when enough is enough xxx
Hi, it seems like you have been through so much. My advice to you would be to make arrangements to get your eggs frozen. As we all know the quality of a woman’s eggs starts to deteriorate in our early 30’s. This way your eggs are frozen in time to be used at a later date. This way you can plan to have a damn good Christmas and new year without having to worry about your ‘body clock’. I froze my eggs in my early 30’s and defrosted them in my 40’s as my fresh eggs at that age were just no good (tried IUI, failed IVF attempts), so the last option was to defrost my younger eggs. I only ever had 10 eggs, all defrosted okay, 8 fertilised, 3 survived the ICSI process. So we had 2 x 5 day blastocysts and 1 x 6 day blastocyst. We did a fresh transfer with the best quality one. The other two were of poor quality but we froze them anyway. From the fresh transfer I now have an almost 5 year old daughter and like you I really wanted a sibling for her. Earlier this year we decided to transfer our last remaining embryo’s (& decided no more IVF as financially we couldn’t afford it, I’m much older and emotionally I couldn’t have continued to be honest). I’m now nursing almost 11 week old twins at 47 years of age! All I’m saying is don’t give up hope. But you really do need a break, both your body, but mentally too. After several failed attempts I had had enough of everything to do with fertility and just allowed my body to recover, I had a brilliant Christmas (2017), the pressure was off and I let my hair down, then come the new year I got myself and my body ready for the fresh transfer. Fertility journeys are tough going as we have no control of the outcome. But I would advise all women to get their eggs frozen, if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have my little family today. I wish you the best of luck and take care x
Thank you for your reply. It's really helpful actually, as I've recently been wondering about going down the egg freezing route. I'm surprised that my clinic has never mentioned it to me before?
I read somewhere that also they don't recommend it for women over 38 years old, I'm 38 in May 😩 I'm definitely going to ask about it to my doctor in January. I'm sure it must be the quality of my eggs that are the issue - I produce alot of them because I have pcos, and I have high AMH levels, but it all means nothing if the quality isn't there.
I know, I definitely need a break which is why I'm actually glad that Christmas gets in the way with me having another cycle. No one realises just how draining it is until they go through it themselves.
Congratulations to you on your twins and your complete family 👪 what did you have? Boy, girl or one of each?x
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