Hi my lovelies! Friday is my OTD and today after speaking with my husband decided to take a test. Unfortunately I woke up with cramps and some back pain and a few hours after, my period started with a full blow. I did a test and it's negative. Me being 7dp5dt, I was expecting period on Saturday. So FET nr.3 it's a big BFN.
Last year in December I did my first ever transfer and FET and was positive and ended in a chemical then in February I did my second FET again positive, made it to viability scan, saw the heartbeat but at 11 weeks miscarried after baby stopped growing soon after 7 weeks. In September did another retrieval, had only one embryo, we transferred it but didn't make it. Called the clinic and they said to do a test on Friday as well, I don't know why are the make me go through this but I have no words......
So I was hoping maybe, just maybe my year will end differently from last year but unfortunately life has other plans.
I have another round and the last one from a pack of 3 but really I don't know if I'll have the strength to go through this again. I'm back to square one and with no hope and with my heart shattered in a million pieces.
I hope you girls get your rainbow babies! Stay healthy and enjoy the holiday season!
I’m so sorry, this is such an awful journey for many. Lots of women have happy endings though so as long as you want to keep on going, don’t give up. Practise some self care in the meantime, do things that you enjoy and plan next steps if you want to xx
I am so sorry to hear this. It just doesn't get easier does it no matter how many times we do it. Sending you strength for now and also the future when you decide to go again x
Hi KittyLuna. So sorry things haven't turned out this time. Rest well, and hopefully when you are ready to use your last try, it will be the one waiting for you. Thinking of you. Diane
I don’t really know the right words to say, but I’m so sorry you have had this end to your journey this year.
I wish you all the best for making the right decision for yourself and your husband with whether you continue with another round in the future - and wish you all the best
Thank you for being strong enough to share your journey with us. It helps to know we are not alone
So sorry. I'm also wondering today whether I have the strength to keep going. So hard not to give up. I guess it's very raw right now - in a week or a month or three months you will most likely be able to pick yourself up and be ready to go again. Sending hugs for now x
I’m so sorry to hear this Kitty. My thought los are with you and your partner. Take some time to heal and maybe you will find the strength to go again. It is so tough xxx
I’m sorry you’re passing through this but it doesn't need to be the end of the road. Take some time to focus on yourself and take it easy.. a few months off might do the trick xx
Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive words! They made my day a little more bearable. And yes I want all of you to know that you're not alone in this journey even if you feel so. And I know it's still raw and in few days or weeks I'll know my next step. We're deciding if we should try again or start another journey...adoption! I prefer adoption even if it'll take time but at least I'll wait for a little unfortunate soul to come in our family to be a blessing, to be loved, cared and given a life full of opportunities, then to take my body through another round of injections, scans and no guarantee of even an embryo.
But for now I decided to enjoy Christmas, my favourite part of the year, eat everything my heart desires, watch those cringe Christmas movies that my husband absolutely adores and look forward for anything that life has in plan for us!
I’m so sorry it’s ended this way for you this year. But it sounds like you’ve got a good plan for the festive season and to be kind to yourself.
At times we also considered adoption. A nice easy read about Nia Vardelos’ journey through adoption is called Instant Mom. She went through so much IVF before having her daughter through adoption. It all happened in America so some of the processes may not be relevant to you (I’m UK based) but I did find reading someone else’s experience helpful. If we hadn’t been super lucky with our last round that’s certainly the option we would have been heavily considering. This whole journey takes it toll!
Anyway, I’m so sorry again! Be kind to yourself. Sending you lots of love.
This brought tears to my eyes as I totally understand where you are coming from. Im so sorry 😢 that this round didn’t work.
I had a failed FET 3 days ago and I’ve struggled so bad this time as we only have one embryo left in the freezer which is not the best quality. I’m so torn between ending our journey or trying a full egg collection. I just don’t know if I can go through it all again. Rest up hun xxx
Ooohh hunny! I'm so sorry you have to go through such a hard experience. Life sometimes isn't fair but the only thing we can do is to find the strength in us to rise again and not let infertility define who we are! If you need a talk, you can always message me! My inbox is open to everyone who struggles and feels alone!
Reading your posts, it's clear to me that you have incredible strength and so much love to share. Like a lot of the women I've come across here, I am totally in awe! I am wishing you the very chilled Christmas you deserve and hope for a new year that brings you every happiness in whatever form that takes. Take good care xxx
I just wanted to ask if you have looked into immunotherapy. I’ve read about a lot of ladies with a similar history to you. You may carry a gene that makes it hard to stay pregnant and have NK cells present. I’m absolutely no expert, but if you can afford it there are other options to try if these things are an issue for you (infusions/medication). I don’t think most clinics know about or offer this so you might need to find a specialist who can advise you.
Otherwise adoption sounds beautiful. I hope you can enjoy Christmas and best of luck whatever you choose to do . Xxxxx
Hi KittyLuna, I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not alone. I am now also drawing a line under my fertility journey too. We had our last failed transfer in the last few weeks. I am 46, we only had one round as we had to pay private. I had my tubes removed last year which explained all my issues (endo) we got two blastocysts which we didn’t expect due to my age, transferred one last year which we lost then I waited a year and had acupuncture and took a year to get myself where I wanted to be and we transferred our last one, I had the same thing, cramps and just knew. I know I literally could not have done more, it’s so hard, I am not sure if you’ve tried the counselling the clinic provide but I found it to really help and reading all of the stories on here, from these amazingly strong people, it really helped to know I am not alone and neither are you. I’m now coming to terms with I’m just not meant to be a Mam as I must be here for other things and I’m focusing on all the positives I have. Look after yourself and take care x ❤️
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Ohhh sweetie! My heart goes out to you! You're a strong person and I see you and I feel you, infertility doesn't define who we are! Having a baby isn't the most important thing in life and the only thing that can bring joy and happiness! My gradma died on Saturday unexpectedly in my father's arms in a blink of an eye. She told him she can't breathe and in the next second her heart stopped without any symptoms or diseases. So that's why we have to live our lifes, do what we love, live everyday like it's the last one because nothing comes for granted.
Goodness me, I’m so sorry to read that KittyLuna, so sorry for your loss.
You are right though and thank you for your kind words. It definitely doesn’t define us, life works out the way it does.
You aren't alone. I've just had my 15th transfer end in a bfn. After having a miscarriage on our 14th transfer and making it the furtherest we ever have (to 9 weeks)... I really thought this might be the one. I'm feeling completely defeated and unsure if I have the strength to go on. But like you, I'm going to worry about all of that next year. I'm going to enjoy Christmas with my amazing husband and beautiful animals. It's such a hard time of year to be without children but we have to be grateful for what we do have. Look after yourself 💖
I’m so sorry, I really am, you’ve really had such a testing time. I know how much this can take over our lives, to the point of of our own sanity. I agree with @Nenad take some time out for you. Recharge, do what you love, relax your mind and be kind to yourself, you bloody deserve it. And like the hospital suggested test again on Friday, honestly, the chapter may not be over yet.. Praying for you.. x
Hi ! you're not alone and your post gave me teary eyes because it's such a horrible journey and it feels so unfair. I had my 3rd BFN IVF last week, and also will have to start from 0 next year. Really no words, I just hope that one day we'll all get what we dream. Love xxx
Ohhh hunny! Thank you for your kind words and support. It's hard, very hard and unfair. I really hope we'll get to turn our dreams into reality! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Deeply sorry that you are this unfortunate fork in the road. It’s exhausting and frustrating. It’s like having another job. I don’t know if I can go on after 3 failed FET but I’m so scared I’ll regret not trying again. I’m taking some time to reassess my options and go from there. Like the others have said, self care is necessary at this time and wishing you strength and love on the journey. ❤️❤️❤️
hi, I’m sorry you have been through this, it’s a very tough time. If I can offer anything, it’s to say that my third fresh cycle worked so I hope you are third time lucky also. Take some time to heal and regain your strength, it takes lots of people 3 goes at least but I know how gruelling the process is. Sending strength x
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through and am sending you all my love. My Husband and I have one embryo left which will be transferred early next year. We have come to the difficult decision that this will be our last go. We can't keep living like we are, the emotions, the uncertainty and cost is all too much now so I can understand where you are coming from. It's ok if you feel like you can't carry on, you know your mind and body best. Sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is to say enough is enough. Sending you lots of love xx
You're obviously a very special person to be suffering so much but still condole with others on here Lovely. You've been through a lot and the pain is naturally raw, so take your time in deciding where you go next. You're absolutely right- we are all valid, precious human beings, even if motherhood doesn't come to us (or doesn't come in the way we expected). We have to remember that in the dark times. Any baby you give birth to or adopt will be very lucky to have you xx
I’m so sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult journey. It is very hard especially at this time of year but sounds like a good idea to try to take a break from any big decisions until the New Year. Miscarriages and failed transfers are emotionally devastating. I finally had my son after 4 ETs which seemed like a lot but is nothing compared to some women. I was always told how positive it was that I was able to get pregnant even though I had two miscarriages. Apparently half the battle is getting pregnant although it’s hard to see that as a positive if you don’t get a baby from the pregnancy. I’m sure after a break you will start on the next steps which are right for you but since you can get pregnant it might be worth considering egg or embryo donation too as you’re likely to be a good candidate for these options. Good luck with whatever road you go down. X
Hello dear, I feel you and I am exactly where you are. I have one final retrieval planned next year and I also dont know if i will ever have the energy to go through with it. I am so sorry that you were still advised to repeat the blood test and to continue with meds- its a nightmare.Feel free to dm if you wish xx
I’m so sorry for you both…please take care of yourselves over Christmas…it’s such a difficult time of the year when you’re in this position. Sending you love xx
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No period after failed egg donation 
5th transfer - unlucky :-(
I couldn't wait any longer - can't believe it!!
Closing a chapter
Sensitive Post 'miracles do happen' 
