Hi everyone, I've got my baseline scan tomorrow, and apart from having a relentlessly intense job, the last week has been horrific. My dad was rushed to hospital and was pretty close to not making it had he been left for any longer. My mum has found out for sure her cancer that has spread is incurable, and so she may only have less than a year left. I'm absolutely devastated about my mum and have been crying all evening. Is all this going to sabotage my chances with my FET? I only have one embryo after 6 rounds of IVF, and this is my one and only chance. Any advice would be appreciated at the moment! I'm even wondering if I should delay until after Xmas, but if my mum is in a really bad way then, the stress and upset is likely to only get worse.
Thanks x
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LaraCRGH
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What a difficult time you are having Lara. Firstly I want to send you and your family a big hug, that’s a lot to be dealing with. Wishing all your family members the best.x I read somewhere recently that most people will have some element of stress going into a FET even just from the IVF process in general. Yes you maybe have a bit extra going into this one but I probably wouldn’t delay because of it. If you are able to, try to take a little bit of you time each day. Even a few minutes of simple breathing exercises can help to drop your heart rate & calm you. I don’t think theses anything wrong with delaying either if your head isn’t in the right place just now but I can see why you might not want to delay. If you decide to go for it, lots of positive thoughts and try not to let any doubts creep in. We are all stronger than we know! Good luck going forward. I really hope this is the one for you.x
Thank you so much for your really lovely message, Starlight5453. I don't really want to delay, especially as I have managed to get just over 3 weeks off work over xmas, which is a godsend considering everything. I'll have a few days off before the FET and then nearly 3 weeks afterwards! So I need to counteract my blessings, and at least during that time I'll be able to spend lots of time with my mum too. In all this IVF business, I find that we stress so much about stress itself on top of what is causing the stress! But we can't press pause on life. That's good advice to have a few mins of breathing every day. I will do my best. Thank you xx
I am really sorry that you are going through this and that it is happening in the run up to your FET. I have an FET coming up soon too and dealing with stress at work. Yesterday, I decided to take an hour off and do a fertility reflexology session. I really recommend it! It felt amazing - really relaxed my body and mind and resulted in a very good night sleep, that I haven't had in a while. I think I will keep it up with weekly sessions in the run up to the FET. Very best of luck!
Thank you Eloquentia. If you're based in London by any chance, please could you dm me a recommendation for the person you saw for fertility reflexology? Otherwise I'll see if I can find one. Let's wish each other the strength to stay as calm as possible. Good luck with your FET and managing the work stress. Xx
I am so sorry for all you are going through Lara, and am sending love to you and your family.
I was worried about stress and IVF/pregnancy but my consultant reassured me that it shouldn't have a negative impact on your chances. I agree with the others that reflexology and mindfulness are really helpful, as are worry books - at least you feel like you are doing something positive to ease the stress even just for your own mental health. I always remind myself women are getting pregnant round the world in war zones and other hugely stressful scenarios and all is ok, our bodies are amazing things. I personally wouldn't delay your round.
So sorry to hear about all this - what a lot to be going through. Sending you a hug and strength. I asked my consultant that very question when I went into my first FET - as I have a high pressure job and also we were moving house and I'd never been so stressed before in my life! He said it has no impact on chances of it working. But he said it would just make things easier mental health wise if you were able to have some outlets and coping mechanisms while going through treatment. Like a previous poster I did fertility reflexology and acupuncture to help support that. I'm in S London if you want to DM for recommendations. The only annoying thing the stress did to me (specifically the house move - I'm blaming that!) Was turn my 30 day cycle into a 50 day cycle in the lead up to the FET. The embryo did implant but went on to be a chemical but I believe that was down to chomosomal rather than anything else. Best of luck with what you decide to do!!
what a hell of a lot for one person to go through all at once 😥 I’m so sorry! I agree with all the advice already given and can totally understand why you would want to go forward with your FET too! if you do decide to do it before Christmas, whilst we can’t help with the other things going on in your life, please please feel free to post on here any of your thoughts and worries as the people on this forum are brilliant and we got you on the FET front for help and support 🤗 💜 xx
Thank you very very much. I'm glad to say that even though my dad will be in hospital for a little while, he is completely out of woods now, which is a massive relief! This forum is amazing, and I feel so much better having read everyone's utterly gorgeous responses. It's like having lots of virtual hugs and I really appreciate it. Thank you! Xx
I’m really sorry that all this is happening to you. I know how hard it is to just carry on. My father passed away in December 2020 from Covid when I was just starting cycle with DE. My partner was away because of the lockdowns couldn’t be with me. It was devastating because all happened in a matter of days, I cried for days and felt lost but decided to carry on with the transfer anyway. It didn’t work and I’m sure that the stress could be one of the reasons. I don’t regret trying it though as it kept me going through the whole time and somehow it helped me keep my sanity. I think the best is to find something that would help you to keep going - meditation, exercise, reading…Whatever you decide to do would be the right decision, and you shouldn’t blame yourself if it doesn’t work at the end. Sending my best wishes and good luck!
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. That must have been an incredibly tough time for you, all on your own without the support (in person) of your partner too. I went to yoga this morning and it helped massively, so I'm going to keep doing that and also acupuncture and counselling. I'm going to go ahead with it, and hope for the best. I can imagine what you mean about it helping you keep your sanity. I must say, after 18 months of IVF I'm not sure how to live without the discipline of complicated treatment plans and appointments! If I don't succeed there's going to be a massive gap. Anyway, I'll take everything one step at a time. I hope things in your fertility have worked/will work out better in the future. Thanks for your good wishes and luck xx
oh Lara what a horrible week. Am so sorry upu are going through this. I don't know for sure how much impact stress has on the cycle. - I know it's advised to keep relaxed as much as possible so i think a little meditation through the day will def be great. I held off my transfer for the last 2 years as there always seemed to be a bad time - Covid, stress in doing house renovations etc... We actually ended putting off our house reno for over a year thinking the transfer would be a risk if we combined. After about 10 cancelled transfer cycles due to lining not thickening, catching colds etc we finally had a good cycle but had decided to plough on him with the house reno as didn't know once again of it would go all the way through. So mid transfer cycle i've been having a crazy time sorting builders and finding a rental and packing the house to move out. I booked a couple of massages through the FET to try and relax (my feelings are that shicheverctreatnfbt you feel relaxed you most that's the one to do). And it worked! 🤷♀️
So my feelings are there will likely always be something get to get in the way and it's probably best (if body wise things all look good) to crack on.
The thing that has a bigger impact in my opinion is your prep of your body. make doubly sure you have no infections (EMMA & ALICE test) & make sure you do vaginal probiotics in the run ip to get your intimate bacteria at the best levels. Don't transfer unless you are confident that your lining is a good thickness for you (I wanted move over 8mm but preferably 9mm) and just focus on making sure you are giving the embryo the best chances as a 'host'! Like you I only had one embryo and do these things were my non negotiables before i took the. hands with it... ❤️
Hi Pinky30 I'm so, so happy that it worked for you. That's amazing news! I'll be sending you good vibes through the months to come. You are right and I'm going to crack on. My dad is going to be ok, and I have to keep positive about the situation with mum and be grateful that I still have her - the next few months are going to be tough, but there's nothing I can do other than focus on making sure I'm the best host for my embryo, as you say, and just being there for Mum.
I did all those tests - same as you, I wanted to make sure I had as much info as poss. The only thing I didn't do was genetic testing as it was so expensive and having only one embryo I felt it was too risky in the end.
One of those tests showed elevated bioactive in my NK cells, which means I'm soon to start immunosuppressant steroids, which adds to stress by increasing risk of catching covid etc, but I'm really glad to have that knowledge and to be able to take measures.
Anyway, I'm really so happy that your one little embryo has taken. It's fabulous news and I wish you all the luck in the world over the next few months as your pregnancy develops.
Thank you so much. I'm at the clinic tomorrow for a scan as had a rocky couple of weeks with bad cramping and a bleed diagnosed so hoping to see the heartbeat (6 weeks tomorrow. I think that's really sensible. It's going to be tough and emotional of course and you will need to lean on your partner and make sure you are giving yourself lots of TLC, but if i knew then what i know now about how much my fertility declined in the last few years whilst waiting to transfer my one embryo (and now i have no eggs left) I would have transferred much sooner. I'm on prednisolone too... (make sure you take it in the morning as otherwise it causes insomnia!).
S swing you lots of love and luck! apple message me and let me know how you get on xxx
Good luck with your scan! Yes, I'll let you know how I get on. Unfortunately I'm going solo so I only have my cat to lean on (she is an amazing support though!). I have a great flatmate too though, and friends and family to help me through. Btw, have you completely stopped mixing with people, going to the shops/cinema etc while on prednisolone to avoid covid? I'm anxious about the whole covid avoidance having to be taken to a new level! 🤦🏼♀️Thanks for the love and luck, and all the very same to you xxx
good on you. I think i rely more on my cats than my husband ☺️
I have tried to be very cautious. I was told to rest this week so haven't bed. out anywhere but my son (from first Ivf) managed to fry a cold and tonsilitis which i was terrified of catching and even wore a mask in the house 🙈🙈🙈🙈 But i caught it anyway. My local good advice was to 100% limit mixing so ice declined all Xmas socials 🙈 and even told my family that i vow t be seeing them all together (as haven't told most of them so can't ask them to test!) It's a real pain, and only so much you can do but yes - where possible i am and would avoid. (I even missed my so. carol singing in the choir today 🙈😩
What doseage of prednisolone will you be on? I'm on 10mg which is enough to lower immunity i. general. So e people take 5 which is less of a risk. 20 does place your a bit more at risk as i u set stand it... xx
Hi Pinky30,Thanks, that's really useful to know. Such a pain, hey? But worth it for a successful result! I don't know yet what my dosage will be. I can't find it in my notes. Guess I'll find out this weekend when I start taking them! I'll see how it compares with what you've said here.
Yes - It would be best to take a little extra care but to be honest my son has been quite sick (typically) with coughs and colds and tonsilitis and somehow i've not managed to catch it...
Oh that's good. Fingers crossed your defences stay strong. I started it yesterday. I've got a networking reception and concert to go to today and on Tuesday evening with work, and have to go to the office a few days this week, but apart from that I can be very careful. My consultant had said to me don't go to the cinema and don't even go to the shops to buy food - get it online. Have you been going to shops still?
We’re currently in the 2ww and on the day of the embryo transfer my wife got a call 2hrs before to say her nan had been rushed to hospital and wasn’t going to make it. Straight after the transfer she went up the hospital and sat with her nan for 15hrs until she passed away 😔
You couldn’t make it up. All the nurses were like ‘go home and rest, have a relaxing walk and chill out’ you couldn’t get anything more stressful or traumatic after an embryo transfer. She’s 4dp5dt now and has been sobbing every day so I guess we’ll soon find out if it’s impacted the little embryo. Although how will we know if it’s negative it’s because of her nan passing? Maybe it was never going to stick anyway. I think we look for things to blame and read into things so much on this crazy journey we’re all on! I’ve still got everything crossed that this one will stick around. As one life leaves this world maybe another one will have been growing 🤞🏻🤞🏻
How unbelievably hard for your wife, and for you supporting her. That had gone through my mind too, about the idea of a new life coming into the world at the time of losing someone we love. There would definitely be some beauty in that. Wishing you and your wife lots of luck and I really hope it hasn't impacted the outcome. I don't knowbwhat 4dp5dt means- I need to Google and work that out (one of the few bits of this new language I haven't picked up yet, otherwise I'm fairly fluent 😀) but I get the impression you're somewhere in the TWW. Fingers crossed the role of stress is overstated as several people have said in their responses to my message, which I've found very reassuring! Xxx
My dad was dying on the lead up to the FET, he then died and the day after funeral was the FET. I was crying alot in the tww as it was /is still raw. (This only happened two weeks ago) i got a postive this week. However i don't think stress impacts it. Sometimes embroys work, other times they don't. I did a round in july and it didn't work. During that time I was off work, on holiday, doing lots of nice things and it failed. You just never know. Really hope it works for you both, and would be lovely for you to share some nice news after this difficult time. Xx
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. So traumatic to have to lose a parent, and the timing sounds like it really couldn't have been any worse. I hope you have lots of support around you, and I think I'm coming round to the idea that the role of stress has been exaggerated. It's definitely important for us to do all we can to feel good and feel supported through such a journey that's arduous enough without family tragedies, but I agree with you that an embryo will make it or not. Congratulations on your positive result and I'm sending you lots of luck for the months ahead xxx
Oh my goodness Lara that is such devastating and difficult news at a tricky time too. I’m so sorry for you and hope you have a good support network around you. All I can offer is ways to try and reduce stress, yoga and acupuncture and massage helped me. But it is hard given you have a very stressful time ahead. I don’t know how old you are but if there’s time on your side maybe you should delay as long as you can. So sorry this is happening to you.
Thank you! I'm 43.5, so unfortunately I am fairly sure this will be my only attempt. But fingers crossed, and I am going to go ahead with it. I do have lots of support, thank god, and I'm doing all those things you suggest. I've cried a lot this weekend an l've spent some lovely time with my mum, so I'm feeling a bit stronger tonight and more ready to keep on going with it all. Xx
ah I totally understand your need to move forwards. Im about to turn 42 so I absolutely get it. In the end you can’t turn the stress off - perhaps just letting yourself cry and deal with it is the best outlet rather than bottling it up - it will allow you to heal and hopefully not affect your little embryo. Xx
Look, I believe that if the embryo is good it will stick.
I understand though that you worry because everyone speaks about how important it is to be relaxed (which helps) but please don't beat yourself up for the circumstances around you.
Thank you! I like that, "Nature is wise". You're right. I'm going to go for it with as much positivity as I can, and ultimately accept that nature can't be controlled xx
I have been reading various stuff online re stress and the impact of it on FET and from what I can make out, if it’s going to work it will work. Someone commented higher up that women are having babies in war zones and that really puts it into context. I think our bodies are more resilient than we think. But helpful if you can even do 10 minutes guided meditation may be in the morning and before you sleep to try and have some time of calmness. Fingers crossed for you and sending positive vibes xxx
Thank you. I feel so much better now and it does feel like it's been reinforced by you and several others that stress isn't such a deal breaker in the success or failure of an FET. I will keep trying to do soke meditation every day. I've been managing once every 2-3 days, so meed to step it ip for my last 2.5 weeks before the transfer. Thank you v much for your positive vibes and luck! Xx
Thought I’d share that my wife got her BFP, so stress doesn’t make a difference. Good luck to everyone. I’ve got everything crossed that this one is the one that stays 🤞🏻🤞🏻🌈 xxx
Oh wow now that's what I needed to hear!!! I'm delighted for you both. Amazing news and very inspiring. All the very best with the coming months (and beyond!) xxx
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Noritherisone (if this is how it's spelt) before FET
How many days on oestrogen before progesterone during a FET cycle?
Alcohol a month before FET
Buserelin no period before FET 
