I am panicking as i have low AMH levels 4.1 pmol at 33 and my relationships not doing well given all the stress.
We had bad advice from a consultant we spoke to in March advising IVF ASAP and this just sent me into panic mode.
I went into IVF over drive then when it failed I really struggled and felt unsupported by my partner. Like I had to get over it and crack on with life but I just couldn't.
My partners found it all too much and we've put IVF on the back burner whilst we try get our relationship back Ok the right path.
That was August and I worry too much times going by without much progress. By the new year it will be 9 months since I was told IVF asap and we've had 1 round with only 1 embryo.
I know without him my chances of being a mum will fade as I won't have time to move on, get over heartbreaking meet someone else...by then my eggs will have gone.
I don't have the funds to do it alone.
Do I bite the bullet and leave or do I keep fighting for this relationship even though I'm exhausted??
We've had counselling to help and I feel I've made so many positive changes but i do feel its very one sided.
Anyone else been here ??
I need to know I'll be OK if I decide to leave as I feeling cannot keep feeling so miserable.
I've a fantastic support network with family and friends but it's obviously heart breaking we are now here after being so strong until March this year when we got the horrid news about my AMH.
I know there's worse situations too and if we stress less we could even get pregnant naturally but we're clearly not doing well with all of this.
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FRLAB33
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I am so sorry to hear that. How about freezing your eggs first? It seems your relationship is unstable and maybe freeze the eggs will make you feel more relax. All the best!
I was discussing this with my mum last night as a chat with my partner once again ended with it's over. He goes around in circles and has been for months. We have a consultation today with our NHS consultant after waiting 1 year for the apt. And even after he said last night he's not happy, our relationship is screwed etc he's still asking me to go talk about IVF with them. He's so confusing and it's exhausting me. I've been fighting for months to save us but I think it's time to think about me and probably freeze my eggs whilst I plan to move on with my life. I'm so upset it's come to this.
Yes, I believe freezing the eggs is the right thing to do. It helps to reduce the pressure. It seems your partner is not ready for IVF, maybe it takes time for him to digest it or maybe not, obviously I don't know your relationship. However, freezing your eggs allows you to have time to think about the relationship, whether it's worth fighting for it or leaving it to start a new life..
I think that's my only options right now. Thank you for the advice.I need to take some control back as I just keep seeing months go by and know that's precious eggs for me
Hey, I obviously don’t know your relationship, but I’m assuming you’ve been together a while and both want children and have discussed that life together, so I’d say it’s worth fighting for.
Myself and my partner were in the same position. Was 27 when I was told my AMH was 5pmol which was last year and I was devastated . It consumed my life and I felt my partner didn’t support that or didn’t take enough time to understand. It really bothered me, hes not great with his emotions, but when we got the news ‘ivf now, straight away’ from our NHS consultant, he was the one crying with joy that we got the funding etc. Untill IVF actually happened, I felt he wasn’t there to support me and it drove a big wedge between us, we were miserable, distant but once it failed, he felt more emotional and worse about it than I did. We have another NHS round so this helped us have something to focus on but I think what was happening was he didn’t know how to manage his emotions and was overwhelmed but wasn’t showing it, we had counselling with our IVF and the counsellor said ‘she needs to see you upset so she knows you care, she doesn’t always needs protecting and for you to be the strong one, she needs to see vulnerability’ and since then it’s been like a light switch has turned on. He’s been amazing and I couldn’t fault him. Our second round failed but it honestly was a breeze emotionally compared to first round.
Sorry it’s a long post but I just didn’t want you to feel this has only happened to you because your not the first and wont be the last in this position. I really suggest to not panic, when i finally spoke to my private consultant clinic she told me to not stress about ‘omg start straight away’ and said I’ve got time, which was been sooooo reassuring and takes pressure off. Your young so time will also be on your side. My advice is have a break, spend time and communicate with your partner and make that priority. During difficult times when we thought ‘can we make it through?’ My partners response was ‘im willing to accept I wont have a baby but I’m not willing to accept losing you’. I think that hits home when it comes to relationships xx
Thank you. I wish my partner would just tell me he's with me no matter and he has my back but I feel he doesn't and he isn't.
I think freezing my eggs may be my best option right now or I could risk running out if this goes on too long.
We've struggled with communication but even though our counsellor is giving great advice and pointers I feel he's just not trying.
He keeps saying we're broken and it's been so tough but he's focusing on all the negatives and not looking for positives or trying to bring any positive.
I'm just so exhausted. It's been 8months since the horrid news and I wish I'd dealt with it better than I did but I cannot keep wishing things were different. I've come to accept the situation but now need my partner to be with me.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you got /get your happy ending. Xx
Look, this is a journey and not an easy one with all the injections, hormones and tests.
If you could, try to freeze your eggs, don’t think about him, but about you
I got divorced at your age, and it took me almost 10 years to meet the love of my life, I didn’t know the things I know now, I could have frozen my eggs but it didn’t even crossed my mind. With my ex husband we never talked about kids, things were not great at that time.
If I could put the clock back, I would have asked for a personal loan, got the longest time to pay, to make low payments every month and I would have done it abroad on a back to back package (as it is cheaper and better service that the clinics I have been in Sheffield and Manchester), at least that have been my experience.
Have a look in YouTube “ egg whisperer” she is a fertility doctor from Harvard, and she recommends few supplements before eggs collection.
Don’t feel miserable, there is a solution for everything, even if he is not in the picture!
Thank you so much. Your message gives me hope and I will definitely look up the egg whisperer. I do take supplements already and my second AMH test was actually slightly higher. Not by much but after panicking for 6 months that it would be dwindling fast after hearing ASAP... its actually not as bad as she made out.I feel we were wronged by them and should have had more advice given about what low AMH means, our options and what it could mean in regards to time.
Its the time pressure that's ruined us.
I'll look at freezing my eggs. I think it's the best option.
We did go to prague for our first IVF treatments but soon ran out of annual leave 😐
If it were me I would fight for my relationship. IVF puts massive pressure on you and massive strain on a relationship. Men and women in my experience react differently to it. My OH is not emotional and he hated me being massively emotional and I was annoyed that he didn't seem to have as much interest /buy in to it as me and that I was going through all this horrid emotional cr*p without any sympathy from him. If you can both accept it for what it is - a horrid process that you just have to get through which turns you into people you are not and can say to yourself "this is not the real me, this is the IVF doing this to me", it should help in my opinion. It would be sad to walk away from what I assume was a good relationship until the horrid IVF process attacked it. I agree with people above that you might want to look into freezing your eggs but you will still be experiencing the side effects of the drugs and the horror of stages 1 and 2 (how many follicles, how many eggs) but at least you might have some eggs to use in the future whatever happens with your relationship. It may take you a few rounds to store sufficient eggs for the future though so bear that in mind. Wishing you all the very best.
We'd been so strong until March and I have fought so hard to get over the failed IVf and bring our relationship back but I feel I'm fighting a loosing battle.
We've had counselling for months and that had shown slight improvements but I do feel my partners given up. I feel he made his mind up months ago and has struggled to try since
He is now saying all the things I've needed to hear over the last few months but it's taken for me to leave for him to do this and after going around in circles for so long I worry I will come back and the cycle will begin again. We seem to have a few weeks were k start to feel like there's progress and then he hits me with it all again about not being happy, struggling, how tough it is.
He doesn't communicate well at all and I just can't live my life not knowing if he feels happy or if he's still focusing on the tough times and not moving past it.
It's so exhausting and making me feel unwell.
It's not all him...Ive had to work so hard to make improvements on me and how I communicate with him and treat him as I was getting angry at him for feeling unsupported. It's just so draining.
I think I need a plan, freeze my eggs and then I may feel less stressed about the time pressures of this horrid low AMH situation 🤔
Thank you for the message and support.
You cannot cover this journey alone...its so hard and the advice helps so much x
Freezing your eggs sounds like a good plan. Then at least you will hopefully feel less stressed about the low AMH. A friend who is not in a relationship recently froze hers and feels a lot happier for having done so. Even though it took her about 5 cycles to get up to the 20 eggs they wanted her to get to due to the number which you apparently lose when you defrost them (also she had some egg maturity issues) she reckons it was worth it and I think she's right.
I can't help with relationship advice, only to say that I'm 43 and haven't met The One, and am now pregnant as a solo mum with donor eggs (and sperm obv).Life will work out one way or another. If you are single and really want a baby, you will find a way. And you have 10 years on me so plenty of time to meet someone else if it comes to it, or to save up for solo parenthood! XXX
Omg that is amazing. I've been thinking ill have to go alone myself. I would happily but it's the funding I would need to organise. I would need to restart and move house etc
It's all so daunting which is why I feel I've been clinging on so much to see improvements with my partner but I do feel he's given up and its got too much.
He wants a easy life and I cannot offer that anymore.
I am going to look at freezing some eggs as it's going to be a rocky year trying to get Iver heart break and re build my life but I think my minds made up that I just cannot stay here
I'm so exhausted and can't fight for something if he is not willing to try himself.
Following my first cycle of IVF I ended my relationship with my then- partner. It was a miserable time, he had small children who after four years still didn’t know I existed let alone met. I was 35 at the time and had a low AMH. I decided to enquire about egg freezing and two different clinics both recommended against it. They couldn’t technically stop me, but because my egg yield had been low (5 eggs) and my AMH was low, they said financially it wouldn’t be justifiable because it would take so many collections and a lot would perish on thawing. Freezing embryos has much higher success. If I hadn’t started a new relationship so soon after that breakup I would’ve 100% gone down the donor route and frozen embryos. I would speak with your clinic about egg freezing, it’s not a reasonable option for everyone and see what they say.
I didn’t mean for this post to sound so pessimistic but I was in such a similar position last year I wanted to share my experience and the advice I was given. Hindsight I’m so relieved I didn’t do egg freezing as my last two collections have produced even fewer eggs, so had I gone down that route I firmly believe none of them would’ve survived freezing x
Oh gosh. This makes me worry but I think speaking to the clinic will be my best option. Do you mind me asking what your AMH levels were?
Mine are 4.1 pmol
We got 6 follicles in our first round of IVF but only 5 eggs, only 3 were good and only 1 fertilised.
They did say a higher dose of drugs next time should ensure we get more and if I lose some weight I may react better to the drugs...currently 14.7 stone and a size 16 but just lost my mojo completely to lose weight.
I do walk my dog twice a day and I'm starting slimming world so I hope by January to have lost some weight and then I can seriously look at my options x
At the time my AMH was 7. I had much higher doses on my subsequent rounds and got either the same or less eggs, but I’ve since found out that in the 14 months since that AMH result, it has now dropped to 2. Eggs are so fragile compared to embryos it’s not as simple as just freezing them and then getting fertilisation rates the same as you would if they were fresh. I’d definitely speak with your clinic and see what they recommend x
Dear FRLAB33, I really sympathise with your situation and would like to encourage you to put yourself first this time and really try and listen to what it is that you need vs trying to enable what someone else needs who doesn't appear to know what it even is he wants or needs. Yes, there is a chance that your partner will eventually be on the same page as you and be able to provide the emotional support you crave, however I would like to invite you to take things a step further in your head; ask yourself how it would make you feel if he's still this undecided and negative about your relationship once you have a child. Being a single mum has undisputably many hardships but being effectively a single mum while feeling trapped in an unsupportive relationship would not only slowly eat away at your zest for life and the enjoyment of being a mum but also consider what impact an unhappy relationship could eventually have on your baby. You are only 33, there is plenty of time to meet a partner who is supportive and more aligned to what it is that you need and want from life. Is your desire for a partner stronger than your desire for a child? I feel trying to preserve your fertility now (whether that's egg freezing or embryo freezing with donor sperm) sounds like a really good approach to take you a step closer to feeling happier and more centred again after such a tough year. I will DM you the name of a lady on this forum who struggled with the lack of support from her partner and who very bravely decided to embark on her own journey by herself, it may be worth getting in touch with her. Wishing you all the best on your journey! Keep up the faith and focus on what you need. X
Thank you You make some very good points and I've re read your message several times as it gives me hope.
I just need to find some strength now.
I know we both love each other and don't want it to end but we're both miserable and I feel i won't ever get the support I need.
Even after counselling I just don't see much change in him, like he gave up when we miscarried and felt it was all just too hard now.
I'm really hurting so hearing other stories is helping me trying to come to terms with a new future. I know I must do what is right for me now as gard as that may be.
I'm sorry to read your going through such a tough time. Ivf is so stressful and can put every relationship under strain. It's such a personal decision as you must go with your gut.
I guess the ultimate question is what do you want more? If I you are blessed with a baby in this relationship, the cold truth is that it won't fix anything. Babies are hard, super hard, and out different stresses on relationships.
I think the idea of freezing your eggs is very sensible and it buys you time which ever path you choose.
Big picture question....what do you see your life being like in 10years time? Strained relationship because neither of you could move on together? Single mum with donor sperm? Single lady with frozen eggs ready? Or happily together with a life without children?
Thank you. It's just so hard to walk away when I do really love him and live the life we built but I've been so unhappy for so long and it's slowly running me into the ground. I need to find happiness again and I desperately want to be a mum with a supportive dad but maybe that was not the life planned for me. I will take some time to reflect and speak to my counsellor on Tuesday.
I know my partners doing the same on Monday so let's see what that brings.
Hello lovely, firstly, a big virtual hug for me. I’m so sorry to hear about your low AMH. Mine was also very low & I understand the impact this has mentally. I had months of counselling. It’s a lonely place to be & even more so without a supportive partner. You can read my story on my profile page.
A friend of mine is a solo mum, she used a sperm donor, her attitude is ‘I have the rest of my life to find Mr Right but not the rest of my life to have a baby’. She is so right. Prioritise having your baby, whether this is with your partner or by yourself or someone else.
Regarding low AMH, this sucks. I really wish I’d frozen mine in my 20s. Low AMH often goes hand in hand with poor quality, not always but generally it does. Please get some advice on the risks associated with freezing your eggs. Would you better, creating embryos from your fresh eggs & freezing those? I don’t have the answer to this but it’s worth asking.
I wish you all the luck in the world as you navigate this roller coaster but you can do it. It may not happen the way you had dreamed or hoped it would but it will happen. Stay positive Xx
Thank you so much. I am having counselling and recently went from couples to on my own to Tey work through more of the IVF related troubles I have. My relationships pretty much over so I am coming to terms with that whilst trying to work out life, where to live and how to find strength again.
It's all very upsetting but I do just need to focus on me now and I know I will never feel whole without my baby/babies.
So next steps talking to the clinic about what to freeze, eggs or embryos.
I wish things had turned out differently but its time to move forward and stop looking back.
Hi, my only advice is to focus on reducing your stress levels, take supplements to increase the egg quality, change diet, worry less about partner, Research supplements that would help you achieve this such as Inositol. Attend fertility exhibitions and know the latest in fertility.
There are new researches on ways to boost AMH levels and achieve good quality eggs. Find time to read.
Also, IVF Turkey UK Team is Organising Special Event at Central London on 27th of November, 2022 on Sunday. You will have a chance to meet experts and talk one-on-one with their team. They’ll provide FREE Consultation for participents and Q&A Session to answer all your questions. It’s a free event. Only need to register.
Also check fertility Uk website and listen to different experts opinion on latest treatment and protocols.
Thank you so much. I will look at all of these.I do take supplements and my latest AMH test was actually a little higher 6.months after the first. I'm hoping the COQ10 and Imprly, plus vitamin D, C, omega oil and everything else I take, is helping.
Happy to try more though.
My egg quality was good when we did our last round of IVF so fingers crossed that is only getting better also.
It's so hard knowing exactly what to take without feeling like a walking pharmacy.
Also the cost...I currently spend £70 monthly on these supplements and with everything going up there's only so much you can afford.
UHi @FRLAB33.. sorry to read of your distressing journey. My advice would def be to focus on the relationship. I think for men it is soo hard to see the pain and devastation these journeys are on the women in their lives and how helpless they feel this can take a massive toll. Also I think you are focusing too heavily on low AMH .. I say this as I too got news of very low AMH and it turned my world upside down. I had been told to freezey eggs on next cycle (which I didn't do) but needless to say it put me into a panic and spin.
Aside from AMH have you looked at other factors that maybe causing issue?
1. Endometriosis- laparoscopy and heterscopy I would recommend before any IVF.
2. Has you partner had a sperm DNA Fragmentation test - way more important than a semen analysis test.
3. Have you checked for any underlying infections and your microbiome?
4. Have you had your hormones checked to ensure adequate estrogen and progesterone to support conception?
5. Have you had follicular / endometrial scans to ensure adequate lining ?
6. Have you had your thyroid tested and checked?
I say this because I had multifactorial infertility. After 5 rounds of IVF multiple transfers and natural and ivf assisted conception I could never make it to 12 weeks - my issues are immune related.
My low amh did not affect this journey and by the end doctors started saying my egg quality must be the issue. - which it wasn't had a baby girl through surrogacy with low amh - the main issue for me was the uterine environment - not the low amh.
So my message is try not to panic about the amh focus on all these things i mentioned instead. Maybe even try Neo fertility as it's a form of natural conception with hormonal support that may also help get your relationship back on track - equally too it may help identify some of the issues I mentioned above before going the difficult route of IVF.
Edit - I did gave 2 poor retrievals got nothing however this was not infact to do with my low AMH but intact low testosterone
Yes, focus on you. Men come and go and some don't stick around even if they have kids already. My plan B was always getting a donor sperm if nobody wanted kids with me by a certain age. Time waits for no one.
Sorry you are going through this. My boyfriend was very challenging in our relationship once ivf kicked in. It was really difficult and I felt so hopeless.
I pushed ahead and just did egg freezing: to get some control and buy some time.
18 months on, I’m now 28 weeks pregnant as he got himself together and we did end up doing it all together. We had lots of therapy and even though at the time he piled lots on me and the ivf - it was a lot of his own fears surfacing.
I think egg freeze. But keep talking to him and see where you get to.
It’s a strange process that heaps in pressure around decisions. Most couples just get laid and then are pleased if they have a baby. In ivf it’s so purposeful you feel the entire pressure of your future, a babies future, everything - it can be overwhelming.
I hope you get there.
And worth talking to nhs about egg freezing as an option in extreme circumstances. I was so far along in treatment when this all happened they actually switched me to egg freeze to buy time which was amazing.
I did get it on the nhs. I had a very sympathetic consultant who put it through. They do have some leeway - I’d started my injections which I think helped as was in a cycle - but definitely talk to them and explain everything. It’s discretionary but no harm in asking and seeing what they can do. My experience was that they understood the stress, this can happen with couples and they try and help the woman.
I’m so sorry you are having this in your relationship as well as fertility pressure. It’s just horrible and I know how lonely it can feel.
There is hope though. I think you are right to shift you focus to you now and what you need to try and secure the things you want for you future.
Do you have friends/family you can call on this weekend?
Thank you. It sounds like you had a really rocky time but I'm so glad to hear things worked out for you.
I'm very fortunate to have amazing family and friends yes.
I've moved back to mums for 2 months whilst I sort a new house. It's been a very emotional weekend but time to focus on me now.
I've emailed my fertility clinic to organise a consultation and I have an appointment in January with the NhS which I will attend alone and explain what's happened and ask if they will help.
Hopefully I'll know soon enough what next and that will help me focus. Xx
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