3rd collection the worst yet 😭

[NemoFish]

I had my third EC on Friday. My last two I had five eggs on both, with good fertilisation rates. However this last collection ended in just the two eggs. I’ve had the call this morning to say transfer is likely to be cancelled as they’ve both fertilised abnormally. To be honest I wish I could just not wake up tomorrow. This hurts more than the early loss I experienced on my first cycle.

I’ve stayed away from ivf groups during this cycle. The usual “I’ve only got ten follicles” posts almost destroyed me on my last cycle. I’ve never had anything to freeze either. I’ve got nothing.

I feel like a complete failure. The decision made by my clinic to try Meriofert and testosterone this cycle was obviously the wrong one and I’m gutted. Im wondering now whether donor eggs is my only chance. My ovaries just don’t want to give up their eggs and the ones they do are crap. I feel so lost. I just want to be a mum. I only want one baby, I’ll be eternally grateful for just that chance and it feels like it will never happen. Right now I honestly don’t want to live anymore, it’s unbearable 😭😭😭 x

[Hidden]

Hi Nemofish

I can completely understand and empathise I was in the same place in 2018 and just gave up. Like you I felt like a failure (your not) and just fell in to a depression. I took out 3 and just cared for myself and tried to enjoy life the best I could.

Last year I made the decision to go with donor eggs and am just at the beginning of that round.

My best advice would be take some time out for you and self care.

I’m excited about my donor egg journey now and the feeling of not being to have that genetic link with a child has gone. I’m just excited and hopeful for the future.

Sending you all the hugs in the world it’s such a tough time

Take Care

[Skittles11]

Hi Nemo

I'm so sorry to learn about your recent cycle. It has echoes of my cycle a few months back where I had 2 eggs collected but they both fertilised abnormally. So firstly you are not alone.

I can feel your sadness and pain leaping off the page, but I must tell you that you are NOT a failure. You are someone who is battling through something which has many obstacles and who is doing everything in their power to overcome those obstacles.

If you want to chat or rant or share stories about our experiences (some of which sound similar) then my inbox is open. Xx

[Kitkat10]

I’m so sorry, I know exactly how this feels but I can say that each cycle can be completely random so please don’t give up.

You are definitely not a failure, you are a brave lady going after what she wants and there will be a way. There are many positives for donor eggs so please don’t see it as a negative. I 100% know how you feel but you will get through this and things will get better. Take some time and advice about the next steps. We are all here for you, please don’t feel alone x

[Chasing123]

I so know how you feel. It’s the hardest process to not make it to transfer. I definitely cried the most at those times. Last year we made the decision to move to donor eggs and although no baby yet it really was the best decision for us. We miscarried from the first donor (nothing frozen) but with the current donor we got 9 blasts! It was unbelievable considering done rounds I didn’t even get any eggs! We are in 2ww for blast number 3 from this donor and knowing I still have options if this doesn’t work keeps me going xx stay strong!

[Countrychic]

I am so sorry to hear this, it is such a devastating process. We were in a similar situation after our first round, we had three eggs, only one fertilised normally and made it to day three. We were supposed to transfer but when we arrived at the hospital they advised against it because it had stopped developing. It was horrendous and for me, not getting to transfer was harder than miscarriages and failed our round. You are not a failure, it was just not the right plan for you. We never managed to get a high number but I had my little boy following our second round and second transfer, we had two blastocysts from three fertilised eggs. I was where you are thinking it was never going to happen but we were so lucky and it did. There is hope, miracles can happen. We definitely didn’t seem likely to have success given my response to medications but it really does only take one (I debated saying this because sometimes people saying this made me want to scream and other times it gave me hope!)

Whatever your next steps are, I send love and best wishes xxx

[Gempuddleduck]

I’m so so sorry to read this. I have also felt like this - so sad and low😢 we had a similar story.

That was about 15 months ago now. Since hitting that low, we made the decision to try donor eggs. Had 6 blasts and I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant after the first transfer. I’ve not looked back once and know we’ve made the right decision. Stay strong xxxx