Infertility guilt

[Mlove12]

Its on my behalf that me and my partner have struggled to conceive. Those that are familiar with my posts will know I have low AMH diagnosed at age 27 and 1 failed round of IVF.

I’m currently having awful guilt that I’m the reason my partner may not be able to become a dad. To the point where I’ve had words with myself about ending the relationship if round 2 doesnt work, we can’t afford to go private so this is our last chance.

Has anyone else had this overwhelming feeling of letting their partner down? I feel I’m robbing him of the family he’s always wanted.

Hes told me to stop being silly and that he’ll always chose me and not being able to conceive is something we’ll have to accept and we can enjoy life in other ways, more holidays etc. But it doesn’t really help put my mind at ease if im honest.

Just a crappy situation 😓

[LizzieBW]

Hi there, it's so, so tough and that's a huge understatement. You're dealing with your own grief around struggling to conceive and you're dealing with the pain of feeling guilty for your other half. The main thing that came to my mind when reading your post (apart from having felt that way myself) was my Husband telling me one day that he didn't want just any baby, he wanted our baby. That's something so important to keep in mind. You're a partnership and your partner wants a baby with you. Yes it's hellish pain because you're carrying the guilt but it's important to keep pulling yourself back out and look at the wider picture of your relationship. I hope you've had the chance to have some infertility counselling either together or on your own. It's not for everyone but sometimes just the option to talk to someone impartial can help process your feelings. Take care. Xx

[LizzieBW in reply to LizzieBW]

I would also add that for me personally soon after a failed round my spirit and emotions were at an all time low and I felt really despondent about the whole journey. Your recent bfn is still very raw and that first failed ivf cycle can be really tough so I would also say be really kind to yourself right now xx

[Mlove12 in reply to LizzieBW]

Hi Lizzie,

Thank you for such lovely words and advice. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had similar thoughts yourself, it really is tough.

Your absolutely right with everything you have said.

I do think I’m having a blip and your comment has definitely made me come out of that blip for a bit!

As sad as it is that many women may be in a similar situation, it’s also nice to know we are not alone with our feelings.

I clinic provides counselling and I think it would be a great idea for me and my partner to go, he’s been struggling today with it all and he’s normally the super positive one so think it just made me quite sad and a reality hit.

I hope your ok! And again, thank you for such a lovely supportive post, it means a lot💕x

[pink_lemon]

Hi lovely, I am sorry to hear what you ate going through. No answer on what you are asking in this post but just wanted to suggest if you tried hycosy to help natural conception? I don’t know what the cost of the procedure is where you are but it is simple and it helps some people to get pregnant naturally. Thunking of you and hoping whatever you do it will work. Also, your partner clearly loves you a lot, you are both so lucky to have one another 💙

[StarsAllAround]

Hi I can relate massively, we got pregnant naturally in 2019 it turned out to be ectopic I had to have my right fallopian tube removed and then shortly after was diagnosed with endometriosis. For a long time after I felt like it was my fault and guilty that I couldn't give my husband a child I thought about leaving him as in my head he would be better off finding someone else who could he could have children with. We talked lots and he convinced me he was with me because he loved me not because he needed a child. It took a long time for me to stop blaming myself and accept that we can be happy with or without a genetic child. Maybe you could try counselling with your OH taking to someone neutral about how your both feeling can really help I think all clinics offer counselling so just ask for an appointment. It really isn't your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about just try to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal. Xx

[Rain415]

Hi Mlove,

I'm sorry to hear your cycle didn't work I'm hoping next one will be the one for you both. I was on the opposite side, my partner was the 'cause' of our problems. He would talk to me about guilt and how I should get pregnant with someone else and live a 'happy' life. At the end of the day I didn't want a baby with anyone else and we were in it together. Not being with him never crossed my mind. Take the pressure off yourself it is not your fault. X

[StarsAllAround in reply to Rain415]

All if you ever want to talk feel free to PM me x