Infertility - IVF/ICSI/Sperm Donor advice needed.

[Flossy13]

We struggled to conceive initially and started undergoing fertility investigations... but we were pleased to find out we were pregnant. We have been trying for another baby. A sibling for our son would be perfect. However, this is proving more difficult than we ever expected as my partner has a very low sperm count. He came off certain types of medication and went for another semen analysis, but sadly no improvement. We had been diagnosed with testicular failure now. Not something you want to hear in your 20s.

We always said if it doesn’t happen naturally we will just accept that we will only have 1 child. But, I am not ready to give up.

I was just wondering if those with IVF/ICSI/Sperm donor experience would be willing to share their experience with me? My partner wouldn’t be keen on the sperm donor option, but I would still be willing to consider it. He feels guilty but it’s not his fault. So if I can explore all these different options and feed back real life experiences to him, he might feel less guilty and not give up!

Realistically, how would we be looking at on the cost front? I know I can look online and find out via the clinic but I’d rather hear from those who have been there.

I had my left ovary and Fallopian tube removed at the start of this year and I am in constant fear of losing my right one too. I’d love to have another child sooner rather than later because if anything were to happen to my right ovary and/or tube, I know I’ve given my son a sibling and I am determined to make that dream come true. I just need inspiration and advice.

Thank you.

[LKT1]

Sorry you are experiencing this. We never expected to need to use a donor but when tested my husband was diagnosed with azoospermia (0sperm). He had a medical procedure to rule out a blockage but sadly the tubes where sperm Is made were never formed when he was born.

This news was a massive shock as we were both fit and healthy. We obviously had three choices; sperm donor, adoption or no children. My husband wasn’t prepared to have no children as he dreamed of a family and has come from a close family. He found donor option difficult but decided dna doesn’t determine relationships. We had conversations highlighting that plenty of kids are raised and just as loved by step dads, granddad or adoptive dads. Just because you don’t share dna doesn’t mean you are any less of a dad.

We also saw a councillor at the clinic which talked us through the legal responsibilities of donors: no parental responsibility but the child has a right to know who their donor is at age 16 (assuming you tell the child they are donor conceived which is now encouraged).

My husband decided he was happy to use a donor as he knew it would give me a chance of pregnancy and he would undoubtedly love him/ her as they would be a part of me and he would love him/her just as much regardless of dna. We decided any subsequent children we would adopt as we think that would be a wonderful thing to do.

There were more donors to choose from than we thought. You get to know height, weight, hair and eye colour. We were also given details of area of employment, religion and hobbies. We had a bit of a laugh when choosing given each donor points and we treated a bit like we were Xfactor judges. Some donors also provided statements as to why they were donating which were available on request. We requested statements for our final 3 which helped us make the decision. Obviously we discussed it and I told my other half which donor I liked but ultimately wanted him to make final decision on the donor which I think is fair.

I think it was about £850 for the donor sperm which was available through our clinic but you can have it ordered privately from other donor banks or abroad. Some countries like America also provide photos but we were happy with the options available at our clinic to speed things along and simplify the process.

Our first round we had ivf and ICSI with the donor sperm. Sadly most of my embryos died after the ICSI process as they weren’t strong enough. We had one ok quality embryo which survived and transferred at day 3 but it wasn’t successful. 2nd time round I had different drugs to improve egg quality and also just had the ivf which my eggs responded to better. I still had one embryo but it was a good 5 day blastocyst transfer.

I’m now 18 weeks pregnant and my husband has been very supportive and positive about the pregnancy.

Wish you the best of luck and hope you can agree the way forward which makes you both comfortable. Any questions let me know xx

[AliceMoonpie in reply to LKT1]

Out of interest, whivh drugs were you on first time round when it failed and which drugs did you move to for the successful round?

[LKT1 in reply to AliceMoonpie]

First round I had cetrotide and gonal F. Second round I had menopur and Fyremadel. But all women’s bodies are different and respond to drugs differently so just have to trust your consultant about which ones are right for you x

[Mimilka]

Hi Flossy, I think it is worth to still explore your husband sperm options, there is so much you can do now if there is only couple of spermatozoa in the semen, he could try m-tese procedure etc

[AliceMoonpie]

I came across this website a few years ago. It's about "3rd party reproduction " from the child's point of view.

Warning: there *are* some negative stories in there (people with positive experiences probably wouldn't feel the need to unburden themselves to a website, they'd just be getting on with their lives) but at least if you do decide to go down that route you'll be prepared. Maybe I'm unusual in this, but I always feel I have to prepare for the worst case scenario then having done that, hope for the best.

anonymousus.org/

[Bistbee]

Hi Flossy, it’s worth getting some more investigations done on your husbands sperm to see what can be done, the semen analysis tests tend to be very high level. Is there are some sperm, even if not mobile, you can have icsi done where they inject the sperm directly into the egg. IMSI is also an additional step where they can look in a lot more detail at each sperm to pick the best ones to use. A dna fragmentation test will also tell you how much damage there is in the sperm which might be affecting fertilisation rates. There are also microtese procedures where sperm can be extracted directly from the testes as another option to explore. Sometimes you can see improvements in sperm quality by making lifestyle changes and using supplements, coQ10 for example. Sounds like it’s worth speaking with a mfi specialist to see what your options are - Jonathan Ramsey at the Hammersmith fertility clinic is one of the top experts in the field. Good luck!

[AliceMoonpie in reply to Bistbee]

Dr Ramsey is really good.

[Strawberry17]

My husband has severe DNA fragmentation so we've had two early miscarriages. We're about to pull the trigger on ordering donor sperm but it took a while to get here. Hubby wasn't a flat out no but he wasn't sure. We've come to realise that the end goal is having a child or children who we can love and raise and will love us. And we'll get that regardless of genetics. A genetic link doesn't necessarily equal love. We had some counselling which helped us too. We're about to order 6 x 0.5ml vials of sperm which includes a 6 month pregnancy slot and we're looking at around £2200 plus delivery and VAT. So probably just under £3K in total. But that should be enough for around 3 goes. I think for one try it would be around £1K plus delivery and VAT. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or need to chat xx

[Kyell2]

I did but like LKT1 we had complete male infertility too and so had no choice. It took us about 18 months to decide to use and then choose a donor so it was most definitely not an easy choice. My OH was a complete wreck after the news and I didn’t know if he would ever feel the decision was right for us but we got there very slowly.

Like the other ladies have said I don’t know if you need DS yet though. A surgical sperm retrieval could get you some sperm to do ICSI or have they said there is no point in doing this?

It’s a really tough time, stay strong and patient with him and hopefully he’ll come round to other options xx

[Hidden]

I'm pregnant from an m-Tese conducted on my husband who has NOA (no sperm), so there are further options if you're willing to pursue them. As others have mentioned, Mr Ramsay is the best in the field and did my husband's op. An initial appointment and tests with him would be a sensible next step. He has retired from NHS practice though so would have to be private.

[sadievalentie]

Hi there! How are you? I hope you are doing well. Well, you need to convince your husband. As this is your only chance. I had my baby through Surrogacy, the surrogate carried the baby for me but that didn't matter when the baby came in our lives. So try to think about the baby you are going to get after that, don't think about the DNA. It's not going to matter in the long run. The only thing that matters is that this is the way you will be able to become parents. I hope this helps you. Take care. Good luck. Stay blessed. Bye!

[Alyssa123]

Hi Flossy! I hope you are doing well. You need to show your husband that many people are making it work with donor eggs, donor sperm. There's nothing bad in it. It only helps you in becoming a parent. The whole world is conceiving with the help of them. You won't even care about the DNA later when you will hold the baby in your hands. And also 50% of the DNA is going to be yours. So that's not going to create a problem for you or him. Try to convince him by telling him this. Stay blessed. Good luck. Take care of yourself. Bye!

[LorrieWalden]

Hi Flossy! How are you? There's nothing bad in conceiving with donor sperm. Half of the DNA will be yours. And trust me this will look weird to him right now, but after the baby comes in your life he's going to forget it. A baby is something so beautiful that it will change everything for you. So make him focus on the baby, not on how the things are going to work out. I am sure he will be able to understand that. Just keep trying. Best of luck. I will pray for you. My blessings are with you. Take good care of yourself. Goodbye!