Infertility Blues

[Emska77]

Happy New Year to everyone!

So I always get the January Blues, but I think being on this journey 4+ years in and at my age - 42, I’m feeling it more this year..

43 is knocking on the door in March and I am starting to feel myself give up on my own eggs. If we had the money to do cycle after cycle maybe we could be pregnant by now, but that’s just not possible. I’m full of regret at not trying earlier but I really wasn’t ready until about 38, and I can’t turn back the clock. I just don’t know how people afford multiple rounds, and I imagine lots of us are in debt because of it, myself included. I know we are only going to try one last round with my own eggs but not for a few months yet so I just feel like it’s futile to try as I will be 43. I know it can happen, and does happen! but it’s just such an expensive gamble against such terrible odds. We really don’t know what we should do.

If anyone out there has anything positive or hopeful thoughts or stories to share, I am all ears.

Forever grateful for this site xxxx

[Hidden]

You can only do your best with what you knew at the time and life is full of things that are beyond anyone's control.

Do what you feel is right for you!

Best of luck and happy new year to you!

[Emska77 in reply to Hidden]

Happy NY ! Thank you for your words - totally agree xxx

[Corchi]

Stay strong. Be hopeful. Try as much as you can and can afford and then maybe look in to other options?

[Hidden]

Hi, I am also 42 and totally understand how you feel. You are right that ivf is an expensive gamble but it is great you will have another go! I am also having my second cycle in the coming few months. Best of luck and stay positive!!! X

[Emska77 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your message. Scary thing is we might not afford it far off my 44th Birthday.... but we will see. xx

[Hidden in reply to Emska77]

I totally understand where you are coming from. Do try naturally in the meantime. I met a lady who was 47 and had an ivf baby six months ago. It can happen to us! Let's keep in touch!

[Emska77 in reply to Hidden]

Definitely! wow that's amazing!! i'm going to focus on getting my supplementation right and healthy living so I can optimise my chances!

[Hidden in reply to Emska77]

Best of luck! Let's keep in touch!

[Scbell]

Hi, am also 42, just underwent a 2nd failed ivf afew weeks ago and totally understand what your are going through.I feel lost but trying to keep up my chin up, in this life we can only do our best given what we have and where we are at that specific time. I am putting my trust in Jesus as He understands best. I believe that there is still hope no matter what, I have a friend who got married at 23 but wasn't able to conceive till she was 42 when she conceived naturally and this was after 2 failed ivfs.

[Emska77 in reply to Scbell]

Thanks for your message and I'm sorry about your last cycle not working. Fingers crossed for us both! xx

[Scbell in reply to Emska77]

Thanks Emska 77 wishing you the very best too! xxx

[Baypony]

Hey Emska, I feel your pain! I am just about to turn 41 and I have spent the last 7 years TTC. I have had an array of issues with ovarian cysts, a cancer scare, low AMH etc. I can’t really offer you any advice but I can tell you what we did. After being told we would not get any NHS funding and that we needed donor eggs I spent several years grieving for the baby I would never have and pondering the ethics involved in donor egg treatment. Long story short we finally decided to look into donor eggs abroad and decided to give it one attempt. If this didn’t work we agreed to walk away. We found a clinic and spent nearly 2 years discussing things with them, then went for (very reasonably priced) treatment and it worked first time. I am due in two weeks. We also have two embryos frozen. Basically we just did what we felt was right for us and what we could afford within reason and without bankrupting ourselves. The decision to give up on your own eggs is very difficult and it depends on what you want, whether the biological link or the mothering link to your child is the main issue for you.

Good luck with your journey xx

[Emska77 in reply to Baypony]

Thanks so much for sharing your story. Have looked into how Donor eggs work and it's really fascinating. I gather some of your DNA is passed on! and that you are the Biological Mother as you carry and nurture the egg. It may be something we consider eventually. Good luck for the coming weeks!!! xxx

[emma2739]

Hi there, I can really relate to how you are feeling it’s a really tough time of year for anyone TTC at any age. I gave up on my own eggs two Christmas’ ago and have since had two DE transfers and am now 30 weeks pregnant. All I can say is that I wished I had tried the DE route a lot earlier as the last two cycles nearly broke my heart. All I’ve ever wanted was to have a baby with my husband and carrying this baby has been a magical experience and a a huge turning point for me after a punishing cycle of 10 years of TTC. My good friend had her first by DE just over two years ago and just had her second in November. After a similarly gruelling 10 years she now has her little family at 44 and without her I would given up hope. We had a chat a few years ago and she told me that the outcome was more important than anything else and this was my deciding factor. After spending £20k on IVF and £15k on DE I learned that all IVF transfers were a day too early for my lining so perhaps my eggs were fine but either way the DE money was well spent as I have three good embryos in the freezer and I’m hopeful one will be a future sibling for my first, due in March.

Of course this is just one girls experience to another and you have to go with your gut. I hope you get some good news soon and in the meantime know how strong this whole process has made you, you’ve got this.

Emma.

[Emska77 in reply to emma2739]

The trauma of another failed cycle with my own eggs is something that is hanging over me also, but we may look to use a different Clinic for a second opinion perhaps before we give up on that option. Congratulations to you! Good Luck for March xxx

[Hidden in reply to emma2739]

Best of luck with your pregnancy!

[Leesara]

I don’t have any advise or tips I’m afraid but wanted to wish you all the hope I can send x

[Emska77 in reply to Leesara]

Thank you x

[articsnowfox]

i am 24.5 weeks pregnant and 43 years old what i really think helped me was micronized DHEA for 3 months before retrieval, early retrieval (when the lead follicle is between 16-18mm), and in my case, although there were fewer, i had better quality eggs with a lower dose of drugs (long agonist cycle) - 7 eggs with 2 high quality blastocysts by day 5. Another drug to try if you are older is human growth hormone, and another supplement to try is CoQ10.

[Emska77 in reply to articsnowfox]

That's fantastic and so encouraging to hear! congratulations. DHEA was actually suggested as something to try by my Clinic as some evidence is starting to show positive effects. I have actually had a practice run at a course and felt fine on it so will try again soon, as I am revitalising my supplementation. I have tried CoQ10 but also discovered Ubiquinol in it's place as heard it's better for over 40 age group. I also have a bicornuate uterus and blocked tube on one side so an added hinderence. IVF seems to be the only option for success xxx

[articsnowfox]

ps. I should add that although I am not a doctor, I am a medical writer and so spend my days evaluating evidence and the recommendations above seemed to be the only ones with half decent evidence to support them...(aside from the lower dose of drugs - that seems to be dependent on the patient's physiology...for me, a lower dose always got good results but that might not be applicable to everyone...)

[Beaver84]

Stay postive. I wish you all the luck and hope you get your miracle x

[Emska77 in reply to Beaver84]

Thank you x

[Hidden]

Hi emska, I'm 39 and feel that I'm kinda past it when I say this to other people there reaction is realistic to me by agreeing especially older females. I am learning to accept that I might not get pregnant or have a baby, I'm thinking about other options like fostering and adoption. Ivf/icsi sometimes requires multiple rounds to work it is difficult to finance. I have had one private cycle icsi which was unsuccessful and didn't get to transfer I can understand yes keep trying it does happen and I hope it does but we're only having another try then it's looking at other alternatives. I hope you you get pregnant best of wishes ❤️and chin up x

[Emska77 in reply to Hidden]

I don’t think you are past it at all but great you are considering your options. My first cycle I was 40 - nearly 41 - 16 eggs which was amazing & unexpected, with BFP but sadly ending in a chemical. I feel that if I had the money I would have been successful if I had been able to just keep trying back to back cycles whilst responding so well. The expense of it all has prevented that. Would you want to consider Donor eggs? That might be something I look at eventually xxx

[Hidden]

No I haven't thought about using donor eggs, again it's another option to explore ❤️x

[DiamondRuby128]

I’ve no advice but just wanted to say I feel your pain.

We didn’t start trying until I was 37. Thought it would be a doddle. We would just have sex and we would be pregnant just like that. How naive I was. I too wish I could turn back that clock.

I was told 2 months before my 40th birthday that I’ve got diminished ovarian reserve. We’ve had one round of failed IVF which resulted in a very early miscarriage. If we want any more we have to go private. I’ve 41 this year and the IVF odds aren’t great so I really don’t know if we should try again.

I’m trying to come to terms with the idea of not having a child but god it hurts. I’m sure that at some point in my life, when friends announce pregnancy I will stop feeling like someone stabbed me in the heart.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Xxxx

[Emska77 in reply to DiamondRuby128]

Thank you for your message. I too feel very naive when I think back 😔 I hope you find the strength to try again, even though you may have diminished reserve it just takes 1... I have been struggling this last week. Pretty much talked myself out of it but we shall see. X