How to keep each other positive

[Minniemouse88]

We are now 5 weeks into our 8 week wait for another appointment prior to surgical sperm retrieval trial and the stress of waiting is taking its toll on us both,most recently my husband. I've always been the pessimist in our relationship but it seems recently I've had to try to keep him afloat.

I really feel for him today.He has opened up a bit and said he feels jealous of his younger colleague who is about to get married and most likely will have no problems conceiving.

We've both started counselling sessions but no amount of talking seems to help with the utter frustration and loneliness of infertility.

We are both just keeping going with our routines and trying to plan in nice things with the hope the time will pass.

In an attempt to be proactive, please can I ask if anyone knows how best to support a rather wounded chap with azoospermia whilst he waits to find out if he will ever have a chance of having biological children? I love him some and hate to see him hurting so badly.

Thank you in advance!

[RDT144]

Hey Minniemouse! I’m sorry to hear this, I feel bad for him too. I went through with this with my hubby and felt like I HAD to do something to make him feel better, like it was my duty. But sometimes I think it’s okay to let them go through their feelings and emotions too.

What I did do like yourself, plan days out to look forward to and remind him of all the things I love about him. Always reminded him why I was with him and why others love him too. Also, encourage him to go out with his friends. On the side of intimacy, I often initiated things if you know what I mean, this made him feel “wanted and enough” (only if you’re up for it).

It’s pretty tough being a woman going through fertility woes but we speak up, whereas men don’t as much unfortunately.

I hope things get better for him and you. Happy to PM x

[Minniemouse88 in reply to RDT144]

Thank you RDT and for permission to let him go through things without trying to hard to intervene.

I catch your drift with initiating things 😉 and yes, I think we underestimate the importance of feeling wanted sometimes.

Thank you for sharing your ideas. Really hoping that SSR gives us some good news for his sake.

Thank you again x

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Maybe a support group -take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org -home page- menu - learn about fertility-and select HIMfertility . Hope this is of use to you .Thinking of you

Janet

[Minniemouse88 in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thank you Janet for your suggestion and for your kind wishes. Yes, I did try him with one of the HIM fertility zoom chats, but he's quite a quiet one and I think he felt a bit overwhelmed as they all seemed to be quite a way along in their journeys. Perhaps with time he may go back to peer support.

Hoping SSR will at least give us an answer after almost 5 months since he got his diagnosis.

Thank you again