Pregnant Friend

[Winnie_38]

Hi Everyone,

Me and my husband are about to embark on IVF with donor eggs in February, following failed IVF with own eggs in October. The Christmas period has been difficult especially as we have a few friends with young children or babies and I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never have a child that is genetically mine. Although I’m excited by what may be ahead at the same time.

I have a friend who is 8 months pregnant and pushing to make arrangements to see me in January before her (2nd) baby is born , however I just don’t feel comfortable with this- I’m trying to be positive and focus on us and our journey ahead of February and get in the right mindset. Whilst I’m happy for my friend I just don’t think I can cope with it at this time. Is that ok and how do I handle this? Any advice would be welcomed!

[Hidden]

Absolutely it’s ok. You need to protect yourself if you believe it’s going to be difficult for you to meet her.

You can either be honest with her and tell her that you’d find it difficult - and this may also help give you space from her when the baby is born. Otherwise, you could tell a white lie - perhaps delay in your responses and when she hammers you for a date say that you or your partner have tested positive for Covid and don’t want to risk seeing her.

I wish you all the luck with your upcoming donor round and hope it is successful xx

[Lana89]

Hi lovely I know it’s hard if you don’t feel like you will cope then that’s how you feel so don’t feel bad or push yourself into it

If your treatments in feb that as to be your mane focus and you need to be chilled

So if seeing your friend is going to make you feel shit just wait till near the time and say you have a chest infection and you don’t want to give it her or the little one chest infection can go on for weeks just say it’s still not gone and you have had to get a second lot of antibiotics

Just to give you some time to do your treatment

Then if you feel up to it arrange another time to see her

Sending you loads of luck for your treatment lovely

X

[Kitkat10]

yes that is 100% ok, your feelings are totally normal and natural at this time. I can absolutely relate. It’s important to look after you.

I would really hope that your friend understands if you explain how you feel, I’m sure she will be very supportive. You could also use a little excuse if you don’t want to go into details but either way you don’t have to put yourself in a situation which isn’t right for you just at this time.

You are right, you have lots to look forward to and February will soon be here. I have a DE little girl and the genetic thing is far from my mind, I just think she’s amazing exactly as she is and I wish you so much luck in having success very soon xx

[Moshine13]

Prioritise yourself and your mental health, if she is good and true friend she will understand x

[DogMum7]

Agree with everyone else. You need to keep yourself safe and mentally well. I've got to the point where I even struggle during school hols as we live in a town where lots of people move to bring up a family. I haven't seen any of my friends with kids for 6-8 months now and I think they understand. I also don't care if they don't as if it breaks me then it isn't worth it. Do what you need to do. Wishing you so much luck with your next round xxx

[AJKP]

I completely get this, my friend gave birth to twins last year and I found it really tough. However she totally understood and got it when I couldn't come and visit the newborns for a while. I found once the babies got a bit older it was easier to see them. I think because i had imagined havibg a new born myself and it never happened. I've some other friends that didn't get the journey I was on and sadly that friendship has fizzled out. I found protecting myself was the most important, the ivf journey is so emotionally difficult it's ok to put your needs first. Hope you're ok xx