Overwhelming emotions - prior to starting IVF

[Luamber]

Hi all

I’m due to start my first ever cycle of IVF next week. I begin the Buslerin injections on Tuesday.

I have suddenly starting having a lot of emotional anxiety. I don’t know where it has come from, it is completely out of the blue.

I know one thing which is really upsetting me and has been for a while now, that my partner of nearly three years hasn’t proposed.

I really thought that with us signing up to IVF that he would have thought to show me that commitment and ask......

However with his best friend popping the question at the weekend to his girlfriend, I now know it won’t be happening for me during the next week!

I feel very alone and am staring a big journey without any guaranteed commitment.

What if it doesn’t work, he has the freedom to walk away? Now I feel if it does work, it may be looked upon as that’s why he asked!

I do believe he loves me and I know he is committed to the IVF and will look after me, I just feel so very let down with the lack of commitment.

I feel I must speak with him tonight to let him know how I feel, I just don’t know if I want his response!

Have any of you felt like this and if so, how did you deal with it?

Thank you all xx

[McrLass]

Feeling overwhelmed is completely natural, I felt the same. I’m not engaged either, but the way I think about it is that I don’t need to be engaged to know that my partner is 100% committed.

IVF is a massive undertaking for you both, and although I don’t know your relationship I suspect that my partner for one thinks we should both now be focused on starting our family, we can get married anytime. I really do think you should separate the two things in your mind, if he’s there for you and supportive, that’s what you need right now xx good luck xx

[Luamber in reply to McrLass]

Thank you so much, that’s a very healthy way of looking at the situation.

I think I just wish that he would have taken on my ‘subtle’ hints by now and would understand how important it would be to me. I think we need to communicate to each other as you and your partner have- if he feels that he is solely focussing on the IVF right now then I would like him to let me know that.

Us women can multi task and these men just don’t get it! Haha

Thank you, your message has lifted my spirits.

I hope your IVF journey is going well xx

[Millbanks]

Good luck with your first round! It’s a rollercoaster 💖

My husband took 10 years to propose to me and honestly I think that time meant we knew each other inside out by then. It meant that our wedding was perfect as we knew what we wanted and saying our vows was very special.

Just enjoy the time you have together... you are right that he is showing his commitment by going through ivf with you xxx

[Luamber in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you so much, you are right, I should focus on this right now.

I just needed a pep talk from ladies who would understand!

I think I have painted a ‘perfect picture’ in my head, I didn’t think I would ever need IVF (like so many of us on here I’m sure) and now to not even be engaged but going (hopefully) down the mum to be route- it was just meant to be so different.

Age is a factor, I’m now 35, my friends around me have been married and had babies for years now...... like I say, it’s all just overwhelmed me quite a lot.

I hope your journey is going well xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Luamber]

Aww I totally understand hun, it’s not easy but I bet there are some of your married friends who aren’t in as good a relationship as you. I never thought I’d have to do ivf either (am 37) but that’s life! But what I have found is that mine and my husbands bond has strengthened so much since going through this. We’ve done it all together and it’s been amazing at the same time as tough. He does my injections which helps him to feel a part of it too. Remember, being married is just a piece of paper. It’s your relationship that counts xxx

[jengi]

Oh darling don’t put this pressure of a proposal on either of you right now. I’m sure with the recent engagement of your friends it has stirred up some emotions. I think it is only right to try explain to your partner how you feel. It’s important to be honest. It sounds like you need to hear that he is committed to you which is totally understandable. Hearing those words will put your mind at ease. Sometimes, I find it useful to write a letter, it helps sort through my thoughts and how to frame them. Sometimes, I give it to my other half so he has time to think and reflect before we talk it through other times just writing it all down is the therapy I need and I no longer feel the need to discuss how I feel. See if this works for you lovely Xx

[Luamber in reply to jengi]

Thank you so much, it’s so kind of you to be so thoughtful and sincere.

Yes, I have thought that I may write it down and let him read it, sometimes it comes across better doesn’t it.

I just feel very emotional about it all but am excited too- honest!

Thank you again so much xxx

[jengi in reply to Luamber]

Best of luck Xx

[Bernie150781]

It is a very overwhelming time and you think of all possible scenarios, I am married with a very loving and supportive husband but I still have very vivid dreams that he has walked away from the whole thing and that does frighten me, so I wouldn't worry about whether he has popped the question, the fears are the same with or without a ring and you are not on your own, we are here x

[Luamber in reply to Bernie150781]

Thank you so much x