So I’m just sitting here tying to build up the courage to call my IVF clinic to book in for my nurse planning appointment.
I am absolutely scared, we lost our embaby at some point after our transfer in August and it absolutely broke me, it is still affecting me now and was the furthest we ever got to being pregnant.
I’m due to have my second frozen embryo transfer in January but I’m so anxious and the closer it’s getting is making everything worse.
😢😢
Hello hun, I wanted to send a hug your way. This IVF process is brutal, similarly to you I find it incredibly anxiety provoking (to the point of struggling to think about anything else at all at times). Every time we have the courage to try we're also opening ourselves up for the possibility of it not working, which is so painful. I'm not sure if that helps at all, but I guess I wanted to say how you're feeling is incredibly understandable. Wishing you all the luck in the world.
Thank you for replying, I’ve got no one else to talk to apart from my husband but I feel that he has just had enough of me being down and crying all the time. I’m sure he isn’t as it’s just my anxiety fuelling my thinking. I’m so sorry that you have felt similar to me, it really is brutal, I just feel so alone and nobody truly understands. You are so right about gathering the courage to try again which I think is what I’m battling with at the moment as like you say I’m also putting myself in the same position I was in.
Sending you a big hug too x
Thank you lovely. And I totally agree about feeling alone with it, I think as much as friends and family might want to be supportive it's just extremely hard for anyone who hasn't been through infertility/IVF to really get what it's like, and how incredibly hard it is on every level. This forum has been a life saver for me, just to connect with other people going through similar things and feel a bit 'normal' (as well as all the expertise and advice).
Definitely and you are so right, nobody knows what to say, I think they must be scared of what to say or saying the wrong thing. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me, I really do appreciate it x
Aww I can feel your anxiety hon .. this journey is so uncertain for aUs all your not alone … Iv gained real strength from this community & I see a therapist every fortnight.. Iv been trying medication to help calm my mind too .
Reach out whenever you need to . Xxx
Thank you so much, that’s very thoughtful and kind x
Oh I am so sorry you are struggling. It is a brutal process especially if you have suffered a loss... and its completely understandable how you are feeling.
I have too felt the same way in the past but the one thing I found was it was almost the thought that I was terrified of, and whilst I wasn't completely fine during the process it was almost easier once I had started my next round as you were back in a process and doing something about something. It may not be the same for you but I was surprised as I was in a right panic up to the point of the actual kick off appointment again
Sending you the hugest hug xx
Thank you, I suppose I haven’t thought about it that way, I just seem to focus on the negatives. I will be going on a longer protocol this time which if I hadn’t had my loss then this change wouldn’t have happened. I just need to get onto the right headspace and make that call, I’m sure it won’t be as bad as I’m building it up to being x
Hi Daisy. Oh dear you poor thing. Have you had any counselling to talk over how you are feeling? If not then see if your GP can help. There is a charity called the "British Infertility Counselling Association bica.net who just deal with all fertility problems and relationships while going through treatment. Have a look and I do hope all goes well in January. Diane
Hi Diane, thank you for replying, I did have 1x session after our loss which really did help. I’ve got a GP appointment next week and I’m sure she’ll mention similar, thank you for the link I will have a look in the meantime.
xx
Hi Daisy. I felt very similar when setting up an FET this month following an ectopic with our last round in June. I definitely found the 6 month break I took from it all beneficial and I’d advise only going ahead in January if you’re sure you’re ready. It’s such a rollercoaster, we need to look after our well-being. I’ve found the mindful ivf app quite helpful in managing my anxiety. Wishing you lots of luck with your next round xxx
Thanks Claire, I’ve summoned up the courage to book my nurse planning appointment for next week. I will see what they say, I have a GP appointment earlier in the day too so I’ll see what she suggests. Thank you to everyone who has read and replied it really has been helpful xxxxxx
Hi, I completely understand how you feel as I feel the same. We had also had a loss in aug, I don’t think I will ever forget the feelings I felt when they told us that there was no heartbeat and then having to go back the following week to confirm it. It was all so matter of fact and clinical. So traumatic and sad. Each time I get a message from my clinic or a call I feel my stress levels rise. Part of my problem is not feeling in control. If you haven’t already tried it i would really recommend a meditation app to help with the anxiety, I never thought it would be my thing but it’s surprisingly good. Take care, you’ve got this! xx
Hi Muzick,I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, it is the most awful thing and being treated with a lack of compassion and sensitivity would have made it even more heartbreaking for you. I had a similar experience in A&E after my loss, I have done meditation before which did help pre transfer and during TWW but haven’t revisited it since, maybe I will try again.
Thank you for your time and take care too xx
I'm sorry you're feeling like this and for what you've been through. We had two early losses this year and we didn't tell anyone about that or the IVF, so it can feel very lonely. I don't think male partners can truly understand and also it's hard for them if they feel they can't do anything when you're upset. I felt numb and found the only thing that helped was immediately going into the next round and then the next transfer - it just gave me something to focus on. I probably didn't get to the stage of feeling or processing any emotions so I don't know how healthy that is as a strategy but the new hope was good for me. Once I was in the process I tried to see it as an entirely new chance and not think about what happened before, but easier said then done. I hope everything goes well for you during your appointment. X
Thank you for this, I am also so sorry for your early losses too.That’s a really practical way of preparing myself for the next transfer, almost like treating it as a fresh start and another chance. I’m going to try my best to have a good Christmas and then put my focus into January. Thank you for reading and replying x
Hi Daisy. I can totally empathise with your anxiety. It can all feel so overwhelming, in some ways particularly the second time round when we know what kind of stress or heartache can occur. I’m a total stress-box by nature, so I’ve been working on what will help me feel better going into our second round in January. I thought I’d share what’s helping me in case it helps you too:
* Working on being compassionate with myself has made a huge difference. I used to feel like it was somehow my fault we had infertility or say mean things to myself if I didn’t eat the “perfect” diet or have the “perfect” amount of exercise. I’m increasingly realising it’s not my fault at all and “perfect” is subjective anyway. As a result, the voice in my head is becoming much kinder and more patient. The podcast IVF This in particular has really helped me shift my mindset.
* Once a day I lie on my acupressure mat and listen to a guided meditation. It’s only 20 minutes but it really helps!
* I have started keeping an audio journal on my phone because sometimes I feel like I really need to just vent but I don’t feel comfortable doing that to a friend and I also can’t afford regular therapy. Just getting my thoughts out feels like a release!
* I have stopped listening to people who tell me I need to “just relax” or feel positive all the time. It’s natural to feel all sorts of different emotions going through IVF and nowadays I just crawl into bed and have a good cry/Netflix binge when I need to with zero guilt.
* Since infertility I have started putting aside time for a hobby that makes me excited: short story writing! I think doing something you love can remind you you’re a whole person and there’s so much more to you than whether or not you can get pregnant.
Anyway, I know we’re all different and not all of this will be a fit for you, but maybe a few of the ideas will help.
Sending huge hugs!
Jessica xxxxx
That’s brilliant Jessica, I have been trying to be kinder to myself but there is still a lot of blame that I place on myself as I feel responsible. I love to run when I can but having endometriosis it depends on my pain levels but it definitely helps. I have been crafting this week which has given me something to focus on.I think the tone of year is not helping either and the endless pregnancy announcements. I keep thinking about that I would be 5 months pregnant by now, it’s so hard not to see our life without a child. We have given up so much to be here but we a better people for it, I’m not going to be as strict this time with restricting foods and changing my behaviours, I think my happiness is more important and being with family.
I love your way of thinking and and the things you have put in place, I hope I can use some of these tools too.
I’m wishing you all the luck for January, sending huge hugs back to you too 🤗
Xx
Hi Daisy, I feel for you and I heard myself in your post! After periods away, which feel easier because we can control more about other portions of our lives, it's hard to take the first step towards trying again.
I was terrified of booking in for my FET and kept putting it off - starting meant feeling the hope and also the potential of failure again.
But I felt a lot better once I started the process, once you're "in" it. It's obviously still not easy but from an anxiety perspective it did help.
I wish you all the best and know that so many of us are there with you and feel similarly 🥰🥰
Oh my goodness this is exactly how I feel, it’s the pain that you never ever want to go through again but you know that if you do not try then your giving up on those chances. I can’t express how helpful you have all been and I no longer feel alone and knowing that you are all with me like I am with you too xx
Daisy, thank you for writing this, as I too relate to you 100%. After a miscarriage in may & failed transfer in aug my mental health has taken a right battering.Hoping to start down reg later in Dec but petrified. The meds will no doubt exacerbate my emotions & our baby’s due date would have been just before Xmas. Dreading the roller coaster but fear delaying even more. So so hard & already cried so many tears this year.
You really are not alone xx
Phew 😮💨 made it to transfer! 
managing TWW anxiety
Missed miscarriage after IVF (ICSI)
Anxiety -Fet
Post failed transfer consultation questions going into FET 
