managing TWW anxiety

[PinkCat22]

hello friends,

Well… after over a year of hurdle after hurdle following our last failed transfer, we had our transfer on Saturday. Four days into the dreaded wait.

I’ve had some amazing advice from you all on what helped you practically (yes, I’ve made a mess of my kitchen with pomegranates, and no I still can’t open the stupid things gracefully).

Does anyone have any advice on coping mentally? I’m becoming deeply anxious. I will do my first day of work (from home) tomorrow and feel an odd guilt that I’m ruining my transfer by not taking the whole TWW off… But if I do, how do I pay my bills (self-employed sucks) or that I should be doing special yoga, or that doing yoga will maybe dislodge the embryo (I know, I know - that’s not how biology works), and endless worry over pessaries spending more time ruining my pyjamas than actually being up where they belong doing their job ( is it just me and my anatomy, or is there a more imprecise way imaginable to administer medication internally than a wax pellet that MELTS at body temperature and slides out of… well, wherever you’ve put it?)

In short, I feel like I’m in this sort of suspended state of being afraid to do - or not do - anything for fear of disrupting/ruining implantation. My mind is in overdrive and I think this boils down to anxiety.

I’ve also become so inexplicably sad and tearful today. keep wondering if my heart somehow knows it hasn’t worked and that’s why I’m sad? (Obvs it could also be the boatload of daily hormones)

Does anyone have any advice for preventing your mind from descending into the very bowels of lunacy during this time?

I’d love any advice you all have (also on how to get to remove pessary grease marks from your favourite pyjamas)

Xxx

[Millbanks]

Hi lovely,

Congratulations on being PUPO

I think I've been through all of these emotions - and I can categorically tell you that if you don't do a special yoga it will have absolutely no impact.

In fact at this stage, literally nothing you do will help - the deed has been done - if you sit on your ass for the rest of the 2ww it will have no effect on the outcome. I think this was what I found hardest because I felt so out of control, but my advice is to try and stay somewhere in the middle - hopeful but realistic.

Re the pessaries, can you use the back passage - much less mess! And to get rid of the greasy marks - put your jammies in a jar (if you can find a big one) with some warm water and a bit of washing up liquid and give it a really good shake).

xx

[PinkCat22 in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you so much!! For ALL of this. Mostly for helping me try to lift the huge weight I’ve put on myself (so many tears today) but also for the washing up liquid advice. Genius! Xxx

[Millbanks in reply to PinkCat22]

We really pile the pressure on ourselves - it's impossible not to as it takes so long to get to this point. But really try to remember that whatever the outcome, there is nothing you could have done to change it.

I have everything crossed for you xx

[PinkCat22 in reply to Millbanks]

Awww thank you so so much :)))

[Lamagarden]

Hey! I’m your age and also in the TWW - had transfer on Sunday. I mainly put the pessary in back package but I know exactly what you mean! Wash the Pessary grease out as soon as poss is my advice.

I don’t have advice on how to stay sane I’m afraid, apart from maybe go out for a walk somewhere nice - which I’m planning to do tm. I normally run and do yoga to keep sane but can’t do that during TWW and it’s tough to keep the doubt and fear under control! Also feeling sad. So, sorry, not any advice but you’re not alone. Hopefully, this is both our time. I’ve been through so many disappointments- it’s really hard.

❤️ xx

[PinkCat22 in reply to Lamagarden]

Oh goodness we are so close in timing!!! I’ve got everything crossed for you. I’m scared to do any yoga too (though I’ve found some meditations for ivf implantation on Spotify which were so helpful today!!) x when is your test day? Mine is Tuesday. Xx

[Lamagarden in reply to PinkCat22]

Thank you 🙏 my test is next Thursday - a whole week away 🤦‍♀️ I’m also going to go out for cake this afternoon - why not! Meditation - that’s a good idea! Xx

[PinkCat22 in reply to Lamagarden]

Cake is a very good idea ❤️

[minny_223]

Hello PinkCat!

I can’t really advise on tips as I was an anxious mess during both my tww 😅🫨 which I think is completely normal for us all given our journeys to get here. I’m sorry you’re struggling with it too. So just wanted to empathise and say you’re not alone.

I have my fingers crossed for you that this is the one ✨ Big hugs to you x

[PinkCat22 in reply to minny_223]

Thank you so so much ❤️❤️

[Belldandy]

Hang in there! My doctor told me that there is literally nothing you can do that will hinder implantation, so take it easy on yourself. I think working during the tww is better anyway as you don’t have so much free time for your mind to wander. During my tww, last time, I did something that really helped me. I set a “worry hour” which was from 7AM-8AM where I would google obsessively my symptoms. Then nothing the rest of the day, just normal life. Of course this was not a perfect solution but I think it helped me that I wasn’t online the whole day trying to read into what I was feeling. Best of luck to you! 🙏🏻

[PinkCat22 in reply to Belldandy]

That is such a brilliant idea - a worry hour!!!

I spent last night with cramps. I had those with my last (failed) transfer so I’m finding that hard, even though they are much milder this time. The truth is it could just be the drugs giving me cramps both times with zero indication of whether it’s all worked… but every time they come on I start to worry!! I’m going to have a wee worry hour and then let it go ❤️ such brilliant advice for life generally. Thank you xxx

[Scoobysnax80]

Hey! Hypnotherapy is great for this. You’ve gone through so much to get to this point and now your subconscious is ramping up on the protection which is making you feel anxious and worried all the time.

You already know that your embaby is protected inside your body but the fear that something might happen is real.

I remember falling whilst running when I had just found out my transfer had worked and I was panicking that I would lose my baby but I didn’t. It’s amazing what our bodies can do, it’s just that us IVF warriors are used to NOT trusting it to do its job!

Hypnotherapy will help because a great hypnotherapist will have a chat with your subconscious mind and ask it to come up with a different way of helping you thorough this 2WW (and beyond - IVF pregnancy anxiety is real!) and don’t worry, your subconscious ALWAYS has another way. You should come away feeling relaxed, calmer and finding it easier to distract yourself with other tasks (or whatever you want really, just let the hypnotherapist know HOW you want to feel moving forward.

Good luck 🧡

[PinkCat22 in reply to Scoobysnax80]

Thank you so much - another brilliant idea. You ladies are the best ❤️

[Citizenerased83]

Hi lovely, just know that whilst you may not feel like it, you are doing amazingly. IVF is brutal and you're doing great. One things that helped me in my last TWW (number 9 for me) was my fertility counsellor saying that the clinic had done everything it was supposed to and so had I and what happens next was out of my control. It really helped me.

Don't worry about working during your TWW or not doing yoga etc. It honestly doesn't matter. I was physically ill in my last TWW and I mainly lay in bed and it worked.

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Wishing you a bfp on test day. Take care warrior. Xxx

[LondonBase]

On pessaries: I find it is a lot less messy if you put them up your bum Nurse at clinic said it works exactly the same way as up your vag. But a lot less mess.

[PinkCat22 in reply to LondonBase]

Thank you. I think I’m going to have to do this. They’re chaos! 😂

[Catlover89 in reply to PinkCat22]

I second this! It’s my 2nd FET and I was dreading having to take them x3 a day instead of 2, but my nurse recommended rectally and although it grossed me out a bit to start lol it is honestly a game changer! I don’t have to worry about panty liners or anything falling out when I’m walking afterwards. I heard you can get what’s called finger cots from Amazon too and so I am going to buy some of those! All the best to you and your test date, mine is Monday! Sending you positive vibes xx

[PinkCat22 in reply to Catlover89]

Sending you all the best vibes for Monday!!! I’ll be thinking of you ❤️

[Wishing2023]

Hey! I’m also the same age as you. I’m still trying to get pregnant & stay pregnant at 43 & I started trying at 39. It is brutal & has really taken its toll on my mental health. I’m currently off work trying to completely switch off at the recommendation of my consultant. I just had my 3rd failed transfer with an embryo created from my younger sister’s donor eggs. I’ve got 3 blastocysts left & thought I was going to try again straight away this month. My consultant insisted I take a break & wait to try again in the new year when I’m in a better mental state. I personally like being in the PUPO stage during my TWW. My school do a risk assessment & treat me as if I’m pregnant (I’m a PE teacher so this is especially important). I never test early as I prefer thinking I could be. I agree that the symptoms you get from all the meds are so cruel. I would just walk, spend time with loved ones & watch good feel good series on Netflix. Listen to positive affirmations on YouTube etc etc. on this last cycle I had reflexology & acupuncture every other day - although it helped me relax it didn’t actually help it implant. Good luck to you! I really hope this is your time x

[PinkCat22 in reply to Wishing2023]

Oh this sounds like you’ve had a rough time. The mental toll is enormous. I’m so sorry it’s been so hard and I also know exactly what you mean. I hope you get a good few months of respite - it can be so relentless at times. Sending you so much love and solidarity xxx

[Wishing2023]

Thank you x

[Makhiasmom]

hello love

I am in my tww as well on day 7. I get my test on Monday which seems so far away. I literally had one of those days that I just felt sad and had to have a good cry so I totally understand. I will say working does help because it makes the days go by faster. My transfer was of a pre blastocyst and blastocyst but of 4cc quality so my mind has really been getting away from me. But my fingers are crossed for you

[PinkCat22 in reply to Makhiasmom]

I'm sending you lots of love. I have had a rough one today too - lots of symptom spotting which is pointless as likely just the meds. And tears. I worked a little from home yesterday and today and will do so tomorrow too, but also got out for a walk to feed the squirrels in the park and went out for a cake. planned a nice movie to watch this evening too, so it's helping to bounce from one distraction to another. That's great you have two in there (and I know what you mean about grading - it's on my mind all the time too!!). I will be thinking of you and praying it all works out on Monday. xxx