Sad post… my best friend is probably pregnant with her second child

[Phoenix200]

I think my best friend is pregnant with her second child. It is the appropriate thing to be happy for her but I am so upset. I don’t know how I am going to bear thing pain. I am going to see her going through her pregnancy and I don’t even know if I will ever have a baby. I’m in tears and very very upset.

Last time she was pregnant, I watched her rubbing her baby bump and talked to her baby and saying “oh he just kicked” I cried for days 😭. I can’t deal with that again. This time is even worse as my ivf cycle has failed. Please help me 😔😔😔

[Fudge1980]

Yes it hurts really bad. She’s your best friend open up to her. Tell her you want to be happy for her and you are but it’s so painful for you. If she truly loves you then you will work it out together. Try figure out ways to deal with it when your together. Ask her to be gentle around you and mindful of your feelings. I had a conversation with my best friend when she was constantly telling me who was pregnant I clearly said “listen I can’t bare to hear who’s pregnant when I’ve been though hell and back to try and have what they have,please stop telling me” she was quiet for a few days but things really improved and after a whole conversation about how I felt she understood. Trust me just open up to her and if not by face send it in a message. Hope this helps and big virtual hugs xx 💕

[Phoenix200 in reply to Fudge1980]

I haven’t thought about doing that to be honest. Thank you Fudge1980. I think you’re absolutely right. I think that’s actually a really good idea. I think she will understand. Even if I want to have a bit of space at least she doesn’t associate it with me being awkward! Well, hopefully.

[FrancyItaly]

I found out yesterday that my friend is pregnant with the second child. I just had a second miscarriage and her due date is only 2 weeks before my due date.

With my first miscarriage she was pregnant with her first, so this is the same story just repeating.

Also, she didn’t tell me anything until yesterday while stupidly I told her about my first ivf I did in July, my pregnancy sickness, just to find out she was pregnant as well just not telling me!

It’s hard, it’s very hard. I know how you feel, I also feel I can’t deal with it but you know what? You don’t have to. Protect yourself, I imagine you have another round to go for, focus on that and don’t worry. You don’t have to see her if you don’t feel like it, it is time to just focus on yourself, if she is your friend she will understand. If you want to talk I’m here xxx

[Miracolo2]

Hi Phoenix, I understand exactly how you feel. It's extremely hard. I felt the same when one of my friends got pregnant with her second. It was and still is extremely hard for me. This is in particular with her..I've known her since I was 6 and we kind of went to the different phases of our lives in parallel.. except for this...

Anyway, as Fudge80 suggested you can try to talk to her.. however, be prepared and give her time if she doesn't understand you immediately.... if she has never experienced infertility she may not understand you easily..I am saying this because this happened to me. When I had my child, my sister and brother in law ( my hubby's brother) were going through infertility and IVF and didn't really welcome the news that we were pregnant. At that time I have to say I criticized them as I couldn't understand why they could not just be happy for us. Now that I'm going through this myself and struggling with staying in contact with my friend because she had her second one, I understand my brother's and sister's in law reaction. X

[Macca13]

Aw I’m so sorry to hear that your friends pregnancy news is making you feel the way you do. It is so hard, although I would speak to her and tell her how you are feeling and I’m sure she will understand when it’s explained. I have a friend who throughout her 3 pregnancies complained to me about her husband, how she was feeling and even to this day still complains because kids don’t have routine, husband no help etc etc. when I had my IVF (she give birth same week) and I mind her saying it will be amazing when you have yours, my IVf failed so I mind saying a time after that i was upset with comments and complaints and she was understanding. She still one of my besties and is mindful of my feelings

[Beclp]

Sending hugs 💕 I think the previous posts have given some great advice. All you can do is honour your feelings and be honest with her. I’m sure she will understand.It’s true when people say you don’t know how hard this journey is until you experience it.

[D1245]

This is definitely the hardest thing when it’s someone close to you. As others suggested speak to her about how you feel so you acknowledge her joy but she understands your pain and if she is a good friend she should tone down her behaviour around you. Hope this goes well x

[Sdegirl_09]

I feel your pain. It is really hard. The day I found out on cycle didn’t work I get told she is 12 weeks pregnant. I wanted to just hide in a corner and cry. Allow yourself to feel sad and you’ll find it isn’t for your friend either she will want to talk about pregnancy but will feel stressed because of your journey. Recently I’ve been thinking of , control what I can control and acknowledge those that you can’t. Big hug.

[Melody79]

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling, i understand as feel the same as you. As above advice, talk to her if you can and let her know that you will have some days where you don't feel so good and i'm sure she will understand. I think it's hard for the pregnant person to be around women who are struggling. I have read that some aren't so sensitive. If you friend is then it will be ok. My sister just had her 2nd and it would have been me had my IVF worked..i've been distant and it's messed up our relationship now. Also, she hasn't dealt with it very well and not really been able to support me.

Big hugs for you x