Upset - best friend is pregnant

Im such a bad friend but just found out my best friend is pregnant! she is due when I would have been if my ivf had not failed in Feb .... I want to be happy for her, I really do xx but im so so so sad and I cant say that to anyone.  I start my injections again next week for my second round.  I need to keep my chin up but my hope just keeps fading fading x

11 Replies

  • I feel the same as you. its not that i'm not happy for everyone else, I just wish it could be me too.

    Its so hard to hear about others all the time. Last year we had 5 babies born in my family and another 3 due next month, with many more to go i'm sure!

    I wonder if it will ever be me...

  • Oh that's tough when someone close announces a pregnancy . It's completely understandable though. Concentrate on you and looking after you. Xx

  • I feel your pain my best friend got pregnant and has now had the baby whilst we have been going through this. I did feel sad, upset and jealous but I have got used to it now and just hope one day it's my turn xx

  • Feeling sad doesn't make you a bad friend.  This is a really hard situation.  Try not to be hard on yourself 😊

  • You're not a bad friend. My best friend got pregnant as we were told we needed ICSI, she told me 2 weeks after our first failed round. It was really hard for me, I knew how much she wanted to be a mum and she really wanted it to work for us. We were able to talk about it very openly after I'd recovered from her news and she's been our strongest supporter throughout our treatment and deciding to cease treatment. I found it hard to watch hubby with her baby when he was very tiny but it's not so bad now. I just thought hubby would never get to cuddle our baby. I didn'tnhave any problems when I met him, I feared I would cry and spoil the first meeting, but if I had she would have understood.

    Hopefully round 2 will end in success for you.

  • I know exactly how you feel and you just have to keep your chin up as you say. Same thing happened to me, now my best friend lives quite far away so I don't see her everyday, which has helped, but it is tough. She now has a gorgeous baby boy who reminds me constantly what I'm missing out on. However I want to be a part of his life and I want to be happy for her, so I try to just get on with it and think my time will be next and I'll look back in a few years time and see this as just a blip. Keep smiling xx 

  • Thanks guys ... feel better today but this is such a tough journey xxx 

  • Do support yr friend. I was in the same boat as yr friend and I was really frustrated when my friend didn't support me, when I needed her so much. We have not kept in touch since then and do believe me I can't deal with my emotions till now.

  • It's so hard and I have now been on both sides of this problem - after years of dodging other people's announcements, we had to tell some friends that have just miscarried. All I can recommend is that in the long run I think you will feel better for keeping things going with your friend to a degree, and if you are able to let her know about your troubles and that you're happy for her but sad for you, if she's grown up about things then it should be possible to carry on without talking babies too much. 

  • When friends are pregnant I remind myself that I don't want their babies, I want my own. Them not having children wouldn't make my own childlessness easier to bear. I repeat this to myself as many times as I need to when the green eyed monster rises up. 

    And then I find it's best to be open with my friends so they know that I am trying for a baby and it's not going well. That way they know not to tell me how amazing it was that they got pregnant the first month and they know that I don't want to hear complaints about how hard it is carrying that baby. But I make sure they know that I am glad for them, even though I am sad for me.

    I know not everyone is the same and that infertility is really hard to talk about. I don't know whether your friend knows you are trying. But I've found that people react better than you expect. Having to keep it a secret as well as go through it all, just makes it harder I think. It depends on the friend as to how much I tell them... the closer the friend is, the harder I've found it to talk about details... but then I just say, "I don't really want to talk about it, I just want you to know this is where I am." I've been surprised at how easily people cope with hearing this. I've also been surprised by how many parents who I have previously gazed at in envy have their own stories to tell about their own difficult journey to having children, and it makes me feel more hopeful.

    Since this is your best friend, maybe you will discover that you can eventually find some happiness in being important in her baby's life. I am godmother to my best friend's daughter, and when she was a baby I visited pretty much every week, even though I was jealous as anything. Now my goddaughter is seven and a real joy to me. We have a really strong relationship and somehow spending time with her really helps me through the difficult days when I feel low. 

    I hope this

  • two of my best friends are also pregnant. i am happy for them but still feel sad for i m not in that much touch with anyone. n one of my best fren's daughter s going to be 2 years...i hv nevr seen her face to face except fb, skype...bcz now we both r not in our motherland n in different countries but her cute daughter wants to talk to me everyday n cals me elder mum...i m happy to talk to her n wish to hv a daughter like her....c gives me hugs n kisses in skype....o preety girl n i m struggling with ivf....poor me....

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