Age is the question???

[Fudge1980]

Been having a hard time about age and at what age I am happy to continue too?

I will be 42 next year started ivf age 36/37 after trying for a while.

My only son is 23yrs old conceived naturally. But found out my tubes where blocked and I have issues with giant cysts so I’ve had a few surgeries since starting ivf.

After one surgery I got portal vein thrombosis and was very poorly. It scared me to the point I took a huge break from ivf.

Just about to do a fet cycle but I am so torn with doing another full cycle……another scary thought is the money side as many of you can relate. Plus the possibility of moving over to DE

So my question is at what age do you feel comfortable continuing too??? I know it’s a personal question but I am curious.

TIA xx

[Hidden]

Sorry you have had such rough time. if its any consolation I am having this EXACT same age crisis. I always wanted children but didn't meet the right man until my late 30s. Started trying pretty much straight away, think I was 37, referred for IVF after a blighted ovum and then nothing doing.. Said we would try 3 rounds and stop when I was 40. All took longer than we expected and then got pregnant but miscarried in 2nd round so when 3rd failed we decided actually do a few more.. by then I was 41. Total of 6 fresh rounds then told to consider donor after last round was a chemical at 43 (due to covid delays) and a load of miscarriages. Said we never would do donor. Changed our minds and moved to donor but covid delays meant I was 44 when finally matched. Now been told I need surgery prior to transfer so I will be 45 when transfer and 46 when I give birth assuming by some miracle it all works out which judging by my history of luck is unlikely!!. We would like 2 children so now thinking 48 for second child!!!!

So much for stopping at 40! The reality is we both exercise daily and are young at heart. We feel like we have lived our lives so if we had a child tomorrow we have had amazing experiences having holidays and also just fun in the UK. So whilst our friends have sent their kids to Uni and are now starting to live their lives we have sort of done it in the other order. My OH turned 50 a few weeks ago and will be 52 by the time baby (hopefully) will come... and actually we have both decided we are ok with that. Some people might judge us but actually I think the question is 'does that age prevent me from being a good Mum' and I personally don't think it will do. Hugs to you its all so ruddy hard xx

[Fudge1980 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for sharing such a personal journey actually made me quite emotional knowing someone feels the same. I wish nobody felt like this or had to go through this but we are somewhat special warriors right??? Firstly I am so sorry about your miscarriage and the horrendous time you’ve had during your journey.

Secondary your right age doesn’t determine what mother I would be. Although I have a 23yr old son I was too young to realise how precious it was and had a difficult time being a single mum so I waited till I was settled and secure before having anymore. Not realising I would have any issue conceiving again.

You must have the same emotions with the rollercoaster of not just the ivf but all the complications along side it.

It frightens me every time I hear the word ivf because it’s been really rough with the operations and the mental health side of it.

I’ve just had a cyst drained that completely filled my abdomen and tbh I thought game over. But we are going ahead with are last North Pole embryo ❄️ It’s then a decision wether we try again,wether we go abroad,wether we use DE. The decisions are killing me. Gut feeling is this one just isn’t the one that’s going to stick and people can say have hope but this is how I feel and I allow myself to feel this way as it helps me long term. Plus the strain on the relationship is really hard.

Sorry for such a long reply think I needed to get that out 🥴

Am so sorry you have been delayed I know exactly how that feels xx

[Positivechangeplease in reply to Hidden]

All I will point to is Rachel Weiss at 48! 😃👏

[AuroraXen]

If I had unlimited funds I honestly think I'd go on for the whole of my 40s! We've managed to get 3 frosties from the round I've just finished but if none of them work, I really don't think we can justify borrowing more money for more cycles. But then it's SO hard, because if you get a better result than expected you think ooh, maybe next one will be the one! Torture... Agree completely with Daisy's comment above - being older than 'average' won't stop you being a great mum. I mean, ok, if we're talking 60s here, maybe think real carefully 😂 But I think if you're in your 40s, you look after yourself reasonably well and don't feel your energies wouldn't be up to another child, then what right would anyone have to say you're too old. Lots of luck Lovely xx

[Fudge1980]

Thankyou! Yes unlimited funds would make a huge difference. Congrats of 3 Frosties that’s fabulous 😁❄️❄️❄️Xx