A new internal role's come up in the large company I work for, so I applied before I could change my mind.
Of course there's every chance I won't get the job, but if I get an interview (or an offer!), I have no idea whether I should tell them about our IVF. We've had one failed cycle on the NHS, another frozen one coming up soon hopefully, and we've saved up for two more rounds.
I'm really torn what to do! As a hiring manager, I think it's only fair to tell them as I'll probably be emotional at times, and of course I'll need time off for appointments. But equally, I don't want it to harm my chance of getting the job. If I don't tell them at interview, got the job (fingers crossed) and then told them. Would they be silently annoyed at me? I don't want to damage relationships at work as I enjoy working there.
Help! What would you do?
Sending you all love and luck on your journeys xx
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HaveFaith1
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Hey good luck for your interview and for your next round! I personally wouldn’t tell them, it’s important for them to judge you on your ability to do the job long term and sounds like you are super qualified to do that. I’ve spent nearly six years going through fertility treatment and not told work once - I am pretty sure my role would be very different if I had. It’s a sad state of affairs but it’s the reality. Good luck with everything xx
I wouldn’t tell them. I didn’t tell work, ever. Even when I was offered a permanent contract (having been on a short term contract) about a month after finding out it finally worked and I was pregnant…. You have to take care of you, and reasonably speaking it’s not going to stop you doing your job so they don’t need to know. Whether you get the job or stay in the one you have, if you have a good relationship with your manager you can always choose to tell them if you feel it’ll help - but as part of an interview process I wouldn’t. Equal chances for all! As for time off for appts, I’ve sometimes said I have a medical appt / outpatient procedure without telling them which. They never asked and couldn’t. Or just booked a day’s leave, or (rarely) called in sick. I couldn’t handle them knowing, it’s such a personal thing….
I wouldn’t tell them either. You’d be surprised how ignorant people are about ivf so they might assume it’s going to be a problem when it isn’t . Didn’t tell my work, luckily I work mostly from home but I would have shared it only if it somehow got in the way of me doing my job. I honestly just didn’t think it’s any of their business - especially if it doesn’t effect me doing my job in any way. It’s up to you in the end, maybe I have little faith in employers. You might find someone compassionate and supportive.
I wouldn't mention it, I went through the whole process recently without telling work anything, I did tell them I had a hosptial procedure and would need some time off (for EC) I then got OHSS and told them my procedure had complications and that was that. I took my 2ww as annual leave.Our round was successful and whilst I was waiting for my 12 week scan I got told I was being made a manager and I still didnt tell them until 12 weeks.
Most companys are unfortunately very unknowledagble about ivf. If your successful in the role 🤞🤞 and then you start a new round and are finding it hard you could potentially mention it to a very trusted manager but you dont need to tell them when it started etc.
Best of luck for the interview and your upcoming FET x
Well that's a consistent response. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply ladies, I really appreciate it. I'm just so fed up of putting my life on hold that I don't want to miss this potential opportunity. So I think I'll take your advice and not mention it, unless I get the job and feel I need to let them know. Last time I posted about feeling low and my life being on hold. Lots of you told me I should book that holiday and I did! Went to Croatia with my husband last week and had a really amazing time. At the moment at least, I feel quite revitalised. So I really do appreciate and often act on your advice. Thank you xx
Also I pretended I had a neck spasm and needed physio appointments weekly (for weeks and weeks!) and then that covered me for all of the appointments. No one blinked.
I agree with the other ladies. I made the mistake of telling my employer, I worked for a top university, my manager and all the senior management team were female, I also knew my managers manager had taken a year off to try and have a baby after having a miscarriage. I made the wrong assumption thinking they would be supportive and understand. HR were totally ignorant and I found if anything my bosses became harsher and stricter on me - this was just before Covid hit and home working was a total no go. Things really deteriorated after I suffered a missed miscarriage and they couldn’t understand why I needed time off despite them knowing every detail of my personal life as well as my brother dying. I really regretted them knowing everything and found it added to the stress. In the end I had to leave my job before Christmas. However I am grateful for that now as I don’t think I would be 18 weeks pregnant now had I stayed (no way I could have got more time off for another round of IVF and 2 more transfers) So yes I agree with everyone else to be cautious even when you think you have great working relationships or a supportive company things can deteriorate quickly. Best of luck! Xx
I had told my work and the attitude completely changed.. so now I think they didn’t deserve to know.. IVF is such a long process no one understand the sensitivity completely and therefore best to keep things to yourself till the time you have to tell… but interview is definitely not the time in my opinion.
I had this in March during my ICSI cycle andI chose to tell the interviewing team AND my existing team about the IVF. I regret the former, not the latter. I was applying for an internal role so I thought might be friendly. That turned out to be a mistake. I went through 5 rounds of interviews, met my new colleagues, talked about salary and timelines for transfer, speaking to my current team to let them know i was interested in the move etc. Then mentioned I was going through IVF...2 hours later I had a formal rejection. Now, HR took a very dim view of course and we have the discrimination vehicle in motion, but I'd keep quiet if I were to go through it again. Tbh, if you fall pregnant naturally you don't have to tell them until you're 12 weeks+ anywayXx
My God, some of you have had horrible experiences after opening up at work. It makes me very sad that that can happen in this day and age. I wish you every success in pregnancy AND at work, so you can shove it back in their faces x
I just wanted to share positive story about work, I didn’t tell work about my first round as I was furloughed but my second I felt I had to as we are a v small team. To make matters harder it’s a male dominated industry and I’m the only woman at work. My boss has been brilliant, the only problem was he initially got excited that I was going to have a baby and I had to bring him down to reality. We have left it as if I have any exciting to share I will but otherwise I just let him know if I’ll be in a little late if I need scans / bloods etc. EC and transfer I just book a day’s holiday
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