Been in my new job since January. I’ve got my first appointments for ivf come through for next month. Really unsure if I should tell Work the truth or not? It’s going to be hard trying to get all the time off and I work mon - Friday long days so I won’t be able to arrange appointment times out of work hours. It’s silly but I’m almost embarrassed to tell them about ivf, which I know is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and I gotta do what I gotta do. Having a baby is the most important thing to me but I just don’t know how to explain that to Work when I haven’t been there too long? My boss is also male so i think that makes the conversation more difficult and everyone else at work is younger so I feel it’s going to come as a massive surprise. Help!
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kirstyblue
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I was in my current job only a month when my first appointments came through for our first IVF cycle, my manager was really understanding and supportive, my company even has an IVF policy where I got 3 days paid leave for IVF treatment otherwise I would have used holidays for it which really helped.
I shared with my team members as I work in a small team and I couldn’t think of anything else to say when people asked what I was doing on my days off but I found that sharing with my team helped, they were supportive and it helped me cope with the treatment, you’ll spend more time at work than anywhere else so it’ll be hard and stressful to try and hide it.
If you can’t talk to your manager is there someone in your company that you trust to confide in that can maybe help with approaching your manager? It may be worth asking HR if the company offers any assistance with appointments etc, good luck x
Can you speak with HR first? That’s what I did - you can speak to a female HR member, which may be more comfortable & ask for some advice on how to handle it with your manager xx
My work were brilliant. I’m quite lucky as we have flexi time so was able to work around that most of the time and they have to let you have time for hospital appts. I found it easier with people knowing what I was doing and more supportive. Although some idiots casually came up to me a few weeks later asking if it had worked like it was no big deal. Good job it had else I would have been pretty upset by that. Most people were brilliant though. Hope it goes ok no matter what you decide xx
I don’t want anyone knowing to be honest. I’m a very private person so I certainly wouldn’t like word to go round the office. I’m only debating on telling my manager because of all the appointments I don’t see any other way round it. I don’t know why I’m finding the thought of telling him so so awful. I’m nearly 30, I’m an adult for gods sake so it’s perfectly normal to want a family.
Hi kirsty I'm also a very private person. I told no one except my boss as I felt it only fair if I was late to work for some reason and I was wondering that it would look bad if I was constantly saying I was having morning gp appointments for 2 weeks straight - am sure he would of been suspicious! There are pros and cons about telling men/women managers. My boss treated it like most men would if you started talking about your period or something, so easy because it was a 5 minute conversation!! I guess women might be a bit more compassionate. At the end of the day it is a medical procedure and there is nothing they can do to jeopardise your position. I think it's better to tell than try and keep it a secret. I was really nervous telling my boss too but it was fine. Like you I was only in my job a short time (2 months) before I told him about the ivf xx
I didn't want to tell my work either because I'm an extremely private person too. I told my manager and one member of HR and they were amazing. They organised paid time off for me, changed my hours and had all my work covered. I ended up having to have more appointments than I originally thought and nothing went according to plan time wise so them knowing made it a lot easier as booking time off in advance wouldn't have worked. I'd definitely recommend talking to at least HR if you can't speak to your manager xx
Hi, my boss is male and we started our ivf journey in January. I had my egg transfer last Saturday and find ioyt next Wednesday 🤞 I told my manager - as much as I was dreading it just so I wouldn’t have to get stressed about appointments and make up where I was going. He was really understanding . I Also spoke to my hr team and they were fab also. They said to try and get appointments as early or as late as possible and if I couldn’t it was fine . They also told I was entitled to 10 days fertility leave which I didn’t even know about . I honestly think you should tell them as it will make things less stressful for you. Best of luck 🤞
Hi Kirstyblue, I totally understand why you feel that way, I’m the same - it’s not a secret, it’s just nobody’s business. You wouldn’t have to announce to the world that you were trying to conceive naturally so it only adds to the “unfairness” - why should I have to tell anyone! I’m fortunate I work from home now but for my last cycle I explained that I wasn’t telling work colleagues to my clinic and they were amazing and booked me early appointments for every hospital visit so I could still get to work on time... but I’m lucky to live close by to my clinic. Earlier cycles, I have spoken to my boss about IVF - I haven’t gone into great detail with them but they have been totally understanding and not had a problem at all with me needing time away from work. I’m sure your boss will be just as understanding, but I do get why your hesitant. Be brave and have “the chat”! xx
I chose not to work a thing as my director is very close to all the other branch managers and i couldnt trust her to keep it private. I think it totally depends on your job and how ‘gossipy’ your team are including your manager. I just told work i had doctors appointment... although there were quite a few its not their business.... you could have a medical issue where you need to see doctors quite often.... i just thought that im doing one cycle so i may have 5-6 docts app in that month and then none for 6 months if it werent successful.... so why tell them. They dont have to know why your at the doctors..../ plus i didnt want them asking me if it had worked..... so i guess its down to how private you are and how much you trust your manager xx
Well if it is going to stress you out by trying to juggle everything without support I would speak to your boss you never know he may have had experience of fertility issues or at least may know someone who has had IVF hopefully will be supportive and that will make life easier for you all the best anyway for successful outcome x
Hi
I haven't told managers at work. I've told one colleague who I felt comfortable telling prior to starting just incase I was a complete mess and needed support or someone to cover my work - I haven't. I've managed to get my progress scans early in the morning and one on a Sunday so have missed minimal work. For egg collection and transfer I have just told work I am having a couple of procedures I need the day off for as sick leave. One of the admin staff asked what she should put for coding reasons. I just said gynaecology procedures and she was happy with that. I completely understand why you don't want to tell them. I don't think it has added too much stress to the situation. I may have been more relaxed about time scales if work knew why I couldn't give them much notice about my planned sick leave. x
Hello, I had a chat with my boss, who is a lady, and I started to cry.... She then started to well up and said she's going through the same thing. I've been able to talk freely to her about it and her me with her fertility, I think I'm in a fortunate position in that respect. I think it's a personal choice but I'd recommend a friend to tell their boss so they can can have the support at work, it's one less thing to stress about and often you find then bend over backwards to help, as they should do. Good luck whatever you choose xx
i told my work but we are a small office. But i found trying to cover up all the appointments with scans and then injecting etc just too stressful to hide from them. They have all been great through all 4 IVF treatments. The hardest part I found was telling them when it didnt work but then telling them when it did eventually work was amazing with lots of tears xx
Hi Kirsty-I didn’t and haven’t told anyone in my work. In fact I’ve only told 2 people what we’re doing-for various reasons.
I felt I didn’t want to tell as I felt my boss might well judge-I didn’t want anyone thinking I couldn’t do my job because my mind was focused elsewhere or because of the hormones etc. I’m in my 2ww on my 2nd icsi cycle. I may well tell them if we have to have a 3rd or 4th but will think seriously about it beforehand. I managed the first cycle by having my scans before work and with some annual leave. The 2nd cycle I hadn’t planned quite as well-I still managed my scans before work so they didn’t know about that but I had to call in sick on egg collection day and my transfer was at the weekend.
Thank you all for your replies. I’ve decided I’m going to tell my boss. I don’t think I’m going to be able to cover up all these appointments I’m going to need. As much as I want to keep my personal life personal! I will say though I don’t want people knowing. Surely that’s my right? I am just going to explain that the opportunity is now and I’m at that age where it’s now or never. Scared!!
So I told Work. It wasn’t as bad as I thought and now I’m glad that I did. It’s one less thing I have to worry about. I only told my manager, just explained it’s been ongoing for years and now is my chance to start treatment so it’s happening. He didn’t say much, other than to let him know appointments and we can go from there about making time up or holiday etc etc.
That’s really good. Most firms offer flexible working these days. I bet it feels like a weight lifted. My work were good, only told my boss and a girl in the same office as me. This time will be more difficult as my boss has left and her replacement is not as approachable or understanding (although still female....!) so will keep it to myself and use holiday/flexi. It’s a natural frozen cycle so I shouldn’t need that much time off. All the best with your treatment, wishing you a successful journey xxxxx
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