Am I an awful person?

[Anonymous29]

I feel like the most horrible person in the world. My sister in law just gave birth to my nephew, he's perfect, their family is perfect. I absolutely loved seeing him but seeing my sister in law feed him and love him and be a mother absolutely broke my heart. I don't know how much longer I can keep putting on a brave face and makes me feel like an awful person.

[OudMood]

I am so sorry hun. 😔

The only thing I can say is…. NO!!! you’re not a horrible person and I would hazard to say that is perfectly normal to feel the way you do.

Wishing you all the best ❤️

[XOXO13]

You’re not an awful person, you’re someone who is going through a very difficult journey and it’s natural to feel all sorts of complex feelings towards expectant and new mothers when that’s all you want too ❤️

It is very possible to be happy for someone but also just for yourself, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

I remember I struggled a lot with my sisters pregnancy because it was a stark difference to my story, but when she had her little girl, it’s nothing but love and yes it stung for a while but it’s okay now. It takes time, that’s all…

Protect your heart as much as possible, and be open with how you feel. No one will judge you for needing a little space here and there 🤍 xx

[Helto200]

Absolutely not an awful person. Totally normal way to feel. It will get a bit easier though, with a bit of time. Nobody understands this awful feeling in our hearts unless they have gone through it. Jeez.... I felt jealous when my sister in law had our neice, and that was with ivf 😬 but there are more personal feelings towards her, let's just leave it at that. Lol. Anyways... dont beat yourself up. Let your feelings out. All the best. Xx

[Fruitandflowers]

There's nothing about feeling sad for your own situation that makes you a bad person. You can be happy for someone else at the same time. If you lost someone close to you, or your relationship breaks down, and then you see other people who still have that and are happy, it's natural for you to feel sad for yourself and your loss. But you try to smile for them. The internal conflict and dialogue (including the one that tells you you are an awful person) just shows you do care and are mindful of others. Some situations are harder than others and if the brave face slips or you need time to yourself, that's ok. Hopefully you'll be on the other side of this one day and you can be more empathetic to anyone who might be feeling sad or jealous of what you have because you've been there. X

[DolphinJ]

No! I and probably all of us feel just the same. I've actually found it helpful to talk to my sister-in-law (with 2 kids) about my situation and she has been very sympathetic and supportive. Gradually learning it's better to talk to people than bottle it all up inside. But not always easy. Wishing all the best for you xxxxx

[Twiglet2]

You are not a bad person. To me that’s like saying someone who feels sad on fathers day when they see everyone spending time with their dad and they have lost their own dad is a bad person! They are not they are happy for others but sad that they don’t have that.

In saying that there is a things you can do so you don’t feel that way towards others and their babies, for your own happiness though not to spare anyone else or because your feelings aren’t completely natural. I found some great resources online that help change the way you think about it. The thing that stuck with me most was to remember you don’t want THEIR baby, you want your own so their situation absolutely does not affect yours in any way. In fact when someone has a baby I imagined that meant I was one step closer to having my own (like their was a little list and I just needed to get to the top lol) so the more babies born and mums I saw with babies meant I was getting closer and closer ☺️ Daft I know but worked for me as I was getting pretty down somewhere in the thick of it all with people around me having 2nd and 3rd babies whilst I was still trying 6 years later.

Please be kind to yourself, you are doing great and not a bad person in any way xx

[NinLondon]

Your reaction is completely understandable. I've been through the same. I try to stay away from babies these days, even family! You have to look after yourself. Hopefully they will understand. We certainly do

[KDA0510]

You are absolutely NOT an awful person. Infertility robs us from so much; including joy for people we love.

My younger sister announced her pregnancy yesterday and I have been spiralling into a black hole. I had to switch my phone off as I couldn’t bear the texts/calls from my family sharing their joy etc.

Every announcement I hear about, makes me feel like I get further away from this ever being a reality for me. It’s a sad place to be

[Anonymous29 in reply to KDA0510]

Ah I'm so sorry you are going through this too. Mine announced it on Christmas day, I drank so much and then cried when I got home 🤦🏻‍♀️

The only positive is that I absolutely adore my nephews and you will to. But those horrible down days always come back unfortunately 😔 x

[Dancingdolly]

We’ve all had these thoughts. 2 of my friends suffered a miscarriage at the same time as me and we helped each other through it. It was so hard to see them go on to be successful afterwards whilst I am still without. Completely natural feelings hun. Be kind to yourself xxxxx