Finding myself crying... again

[FrancyItaly]

I feel hurt and disappointed, i‘m finding myself crying again in front of the mirror after a long time. I joined my clinic in May and I have to wait September to start my Clomid treatment because I had to do Rubella vaccine which took 2 months.

I just found out on instagram that one my husband’s friends, who is like a sister to him and basically like family, is pregnant. Her sister gave birth 2 months ago, I had to avoid her for the whole pregnancy after my miscarriage.

I’m hurt because despite the fact that my parents in law talk about babies, cousins and grandchildren all the time, they ‘forgot’ to tell me about this. And my husband ‘forgot’ too.

What hurts is that they keep things from me, I will still have to find out sooner or later. By keeping it they make me feel so useless and ‘wrong’. I don’t care she is pregnant, I don’t feel happy or sad about it, she is not close to me so for me it doesn’t make a difference. But clearly for them it does, they think it would make me sad? In what way finding out by myself on instagram or worse, after the birth, should make me feel ok?

[Hidden]

Oh lovely. I find my self in your situation 99% of the time when im with my inlaws as there are a few pregnant. They think im hurt or maybe even may think im jealous and hide some stuff from me like the shopping and nursery etc. I find it not so very hard from the start because i always think to my self thats not the baby i want. I dont care how many babies they have or about the nursery. I want my husbands child. Our child. Because that child is going to be the closest person to me!

So basically im trying to say just picture your own baby and your own pregnancy. Thats what you want. Not what they have. Hope its not insensitive but wanted to share how i deal with the situation. X

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry you are in the same situation. It really sucks. I honestly do not care about this pregnancy, it’s just the hiding stuff that my family do that makes me mad! I’m such a strong woman to get over my miscarriage, they think that would get me hurt? It’s just disappointing they think that, that’s all.

At the moment I would like to tell them to stop talking about family children all together to me, if they think I would get hurt. There is no point to hide a pregnancy and then once they are born they talk about them non stop?!

[Hidden in reply to FrancyItaly]

Was watching this thing a while back and the guy said something i try to remember: We cant control what people say no matter how hard the situation is we are going theough, people wont sympathise the way we expect them. What we CAN do is try to not let it affect us. I havent found yet how (other than just avoiding the people all together) but i just hope we girls here are strong enough to focus on our own battles and let them be. X

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hidden]

Actually last night I repeated myself what you suggested and I felt a little better. I will try to not let that affect me too much but it’s hard when there is family involved 💕

[fertilitystruggle]

Hi FrancyItaly,

I’m really sorry you are going through this.

It is just terrible how people treat a woman who struggles to conceive. It’s not our fault? Did we choose this for our self? No we didn’t so why make us feel like this?

My own mother hides and tries not to tell me when my cousin or any family member is pregnant. I have four sisters and I have 5 nephew and nieces so far and one to be added. One of my sister is giving birth next week but even with her pregnancy they hesitated to tell me.

I completely understand your pain. Sometimes I cry too and question myself, why is life so hard? Why does everything have to be difficult?

Your not alone 💛

[FrancyItaly in reply to fertilitystruggle]

Thank you for your message. How are you doing? 💕

[fertilitystruggle in reply to FrancyItaly]

I’m doing a little better just nervous as usual.

How are you feeling now x

[FrancyItaly in reply to fertilitystruggle]

I’m ‘back to normal’ now, I feel ok. I can imagine you are feeling nervous but not long until your scan now! 🤗

[fertilitystruggle in reply to FrancyItaly]

We all have that temporary ‘normal’ were we hide our true feelings and try to be strong for a while.

Sadly it does take a troll on us after a while.

Definitely not long left at all but its getting scarier as right now I know I’m pregnant what if it all gets taken away in a second?

💛

[ttcemmie]

Hi Francesca. Sorry to hear this. Must have been hard for them to tell you and none of them wanted to be the one? I guess you just need to tell them straight that they don't need to tiptoe around you and to just be normal! Crazy that your husband "forgot" too. I know they're all trying to "spare your feelings" or whatever, but this is not the way to do it..... Sending lots of love. x

[FrancyItaly in reply to ttcemmie]

I just want to be treated normally, I’m so sensitive! Luckily I always get the help I need in this forum xxx

[nanduxxa]

Hi Francesca, I am so sorry for what you are going through. This journey is so hard, it is not enough all the crazy things we go through with the treatments. But I would like to challenge you to put yourself in their place, it is normal not out of malice that they do those things, they simple do not know how to deal with the situation, in their mind their protecting you .

So I would advice you to have a clear and open conversation with them, at least the people that really matter to you, say I don't mind knowing that so and so is expecting, please don't try to hide from me, it hurts me more if you do.

Whenever I find myself in this place where I am mad at people that seems to not understand or do the wrong things, I try to remember that 5 years ago before I start this journey , I might have done some of those things, I might have asked a couple when they are having kids, I might have given unsolicited advice to someone, the worst I might have said to someone just relax it will eventually happen, or you are still young.

This is a learning journey for all of us, including our loved ones. It is not your job to constant teach or explain your self to people, you have to use your energy for more important things. Just make things clear once, and let it be. Protect yourself, and your energy.

Love x

Baby dust for you

[FrancyItaly in reply to nanduxxa]

Thank you for this. I totally agree! I was a hurt and disappointed when I wrote this but I woke up the next day more positive than ever. This journey is really teaching me to stay positive and hopeful, it’s all we’ve got 💕

[nanduxxa in reply to FrancyItaly]

I am glad that you are better. This is the journey , most days we are the most hopeful and positive persons, but in other days is just impossible, and is ok. This journey also teaches us compassion, and is most important to have compassion for ourselves.