Am I over reacting..

[E_05]

Hello everyone,

Last year I had my 2nd IVF cycle (1st fet) following my miscarriage in August. I found out my cycle had been unsuccessful in November, my sister in law had fallen pregnant in September and my mum knew but had told them not to tell me yet as I was struggling.

Anyway the day after I'd find out they rang me up to tell me she was pregnant and they'd decided they wanted me to know as they now knew what it was like to struggle to conceive as this time it had taken them 5 months (they already have a 4 year old). She went on to tell me that every month her period came it broke her, of course I didn't react well and then I was given even more advice from them that I should start to accept that fact I will never carry a child and should look for a surrogate.

Safe to say we fell out but I felt bad that my mum was put in an awkward situation for family events so we are now civil. Of course I want to be part of my nephew's lives but every time I see them I can feel my blood boiling as I remember last years conversations. I struggle to talk to her about her pregnancy or even be near her as her bump grows..am I over reacting??

Thank you for any advice and sorry for the long post x

[CountryCat]

No, not at all. You have shown enormous restraint! How dare she tell you to accept not having children when she has (almost) two! Who does she think she is?? Self-indulgent, ignorant and arrogant behaviour. She sounds like one of those 'one uppers'...if you've struggled, she's struggled TWICE as much and naturally her 'struggle' is far more important than yours. 😤 On what planet is saying such a thing acceptable??

I am sorry that so many of the brave ladies on here (like you) are surrounded by muppets! You don't need people like this in your life and certainly putting distance between you is a sensible thing. I am certain you are doing the best you can under the circumstances.

Keep your chin up xxx

[E_05 in reply to CountryCat]

Thank you so much, don't think I showed much restraint when it was said but yes your so right she definitely is one of those people, who in fact has no idea how hard it is to struggle ☹️

I want to be part of my nephews lives but feel I have no choice but to distance myself in order to survive the journey I'm on xx

[Aleelilook]

No you aren't overreacting!! I can't believe she said you might never carry a child!! That is outrageous!!!! This journey is hard enough without people chipping in their naive opinions. I had a girl at work last week tell me she was 12 weeks pregnant and that my boss had told her I was struggling to conceive (understatement!) she said it took her 10 months and that if I ever needed to talk she understood! At which point I explained I'd been trying for 4 years, 2 ivf rounds and 3 weeks ago a missed miscarriage!! You're totally entitled to be angry. I hope she sees sense and apologises xx

[E_05 in reply to Aleelilook]

Thank you so much, she never really apologised my brother tried to justify it by saying in her life that was a big struggle to her as she hasn't experienced anything like it before but that actually just made it worse.

I'm so sorry to hear that, I also had a missed miscarriage last year. Some people don't seem to even understand the sheer heart ache from miscarriage either, it angers be that both are such a taboo subject in life. I hope you are having time to grieve and wish you lots of luck on your journey xx

[Aleelilook in reply to E_05]

It really is horrific, most have been great, but I think there's an expectation to pick yourself up and dust yourself off! Thank you lovely xxx

[Hidden]

Not over reacting - I am appalled at what they have said. About the 5 months bit and the surrogacy. Shocking. To moan about it taking 5 months is a freaking disgrace - what a massive idiot she is!

You are some brave woman to be civil to her.

She seems incredibly selfish and insensitive, oh and cruel.

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, sometimes it helps so much to hear from all of you that I'm okay to be feeling what I am and that it's not the hormones making me act more dramatic.

I tried to explain to her that 5 months is nothing and the fact she already has a healthy 4 year old is precious in itself but that fell on deaf ears.

[Georgina78]

I don't think you're overreacting at all, in fact I feel so angry on your behalf! You have only had two IVF cycles.. when I say only, I don't mean that's nothing and that's a breeze, it most certainly is not and you've really been through a lot of trauma, I mean it doesn't mean you would just give up now and find a surrogate! Ridiculous 😡

I have a cousin like this, sometimes it's almost as if she wishes she had your problems because she would milk it for the sympathy, she once asked me what symptoms I have with my endometriosis and then seemed to be convincing herself she had that 🙄 People like this are very selfish and draining and you're right to distance yourself a little.

Sorry to hear you're struggling with this and I hope you have much better luck in the near future xxx

[E_05 in reply to Georgina78]

Thank you, that is exactly what I said to them regarding the IVF cycles so I get exactly what you mean.

It's so hard when it's someone in the family isn't it especially when all we're all doing is trying to keep picking ourselves back up and hang on tight during this roller coaster journey xx