Am I being dumb? Please be honest (long post)

[Bggy]

In late 2018 August, I had my first miscarriage. I was devastated and looked to my in laws for support (they live closer to me than my own family) however I never received any. They knew I was TTC for 2 years. At the time of telling them, only my MIL said to my husband "sorry this happened". After that, they never spoke a word to me about it. Never even asked "how have you both been doing?" "Can we help?" Etc. In March, we find out my sis in law is 4.5 months pregnant! Meaning she got pregnant in Nov/Dec right? I know it takes an average of 3 months to get pregnant for a fertile couple. We told them about our miscarriage Sept 1 as it was the day we were moving to a new rental. Sept. Oct. Nov. Dec. 3-4 months. I can't help but think my sis in law and hubby heard about our miscarriage and thought "now's the perfect time to start our family!" I'm heartbroken. I've known my sil for 5 yrs, she has always been an attention hog. I just think it so insensitive, no sympathy, and selfish. I always had a feeling they'd have a baby before us, just couldn't believe they actually chose the time right after my miscarriage...

[Keepingfaith85]

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage and I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed from family members. It hurts when you hear of others conceiving so easily even when it's a close friend so I can imagine being much more frustrated when it's someone you are forced to spend time with. I'm sure it wasn't done with any malicious intentions but it's a stab in the heart when you calculate dates etc. It will happen for you though, that's what I keep saying to myself, we just have to keep going xxx

[MissSaoPaulo]

Oh sweetheart, you're not being dumb but you're very hurt and it's hard to see others apparently easily getting something we want so badly, especially after a loss. Give your in laws the benefit of the doubt, for the sake of your own peace of mind and serenity. I know nothing will make up for the baby you lost but I hope you get your little family soon. Hugs xxx

[Tiddly1984]

Hi, sorry for your loss. It’s really difficult when things we we want elude us and come so easily to others. Because of your own experience you will be sensitive to this issue, however in all honesty, I highly doubt that your in laws planned for a child to spite you as it’s a very big and life changing decision and they would have had to feel ready in their own right if it was planned. I know it must feel like a slap in the face, but people shouldn’t be required to plan their lives around the misfortune of others when it comes to starting their own families although they should be tactful and sensitive and considerate. This, however, does not include postponing having a family on your account because that would not be fair to them. Ultimately it is their lives and their choice to make and it might be that they felt that this was the right time for them and they did not want to wait. I don’t mean for this to sound hurtful and you’re entitled to feel upset, but in the wider sense this is unlikely to be about you. Also I’ve heard it takes on average 6 months to get pregnant when actively trying, but even if you are right in that it takes 3 months, this is a generalisation and is not the case for everyone. I do hope you give your in laws the benefit of the doubt and that your own dream of having a family is just around the corner. Good luck...x

[aamiller405]

hi.. youre absolutely not being dumb..ive had a recent early miscarriage and it has been one of the most awful experiences of my life so far. But what I have noticed is that people don't seem to understand the pain and loss you feel at all unless they've been through it themselves.

So perhaps theyre not being cruel by not offering support they just don't really get it.. I think you might find places like this forum more supportive where people have been through it before xox

[Hidden]

I know exactly what you are saying

When you dnt get support or kind words from the family you are gonna spend entire life with

I can’t say about your SIL whether she did it intentionally or not

But pregnancy is very natural phenomena

She might not have done it to hurt you

And just imagine if you had the baby before

Would you be feeling the same way

I understand it’s never all happy in relationships with in-laws

But dnt let such feelings and people drown your heart

I am going through same

Each and every person in my family my friends from school college here in this country where I stay currently

I am just the lone wolf not having kids

It’s so difficult to hide the pain

But we have to be strong

Your little bundle of joy is just found the corner

Just today my husband told me to leave all things to the god

We try our best

We can’t allow ourself to get lost in this

We will find our happiness

Someday you will look back and say that it wasn’t very hard and you will the same thing to other people who are suffering

Pls be strong and stay healthy and happy

[Bggy]

Thank you all for your honesty. I will do my best to have a brighter outlook on the situation and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So thankful for all of you ! Hopefully all of our bundles of joy will be here sooner rather than later!

[sun-and-rain]

I know something about what you're talking about. We started our IVF journey about 2,5 yrs ago. Our nephew will turn 2 yrs this November. Also my cousin and his wife (we're quite close) succeeded their first IVF attempt that they had had 3,5 weeks before my fresh cycle ET that failed... None of these pregnancies and babies were made to make our lives miserable, and the timing fortunately didn't give room for such speculation as you're doing in our case, but I recall struggling to rejoice with their success as much as I would have wanted to because I too wanted to be where they were (we had been TTC for two years before starting the IVF process).

My first thought when I read your post was though that you might know little or nothing about their process. They might have been TTC for some time already without you knowing. It could even be that they weren't TTC at all. Even on anticonceptives pregnancies happen... And even if the timing of their success couldn't be worse when it comes you your bonding to the new citizen coming that actually will be your niece or nephew, you can't demand of your SIL to feel awful and guilty just because she was able to obtain something you couldn't - yet... Take your time to grieve, but don't let envy and bitterness devour you ❤❤❤