A strange day

[MammaMia86]

I guess today is one of those days.... there was another announcement of baby birth in my social media. I don't know what I am feeling exactly .... happy? Sad? Annoyed at myself for being sad?

Am I selfish? I think about friends that when they are told about another wedding they get the same feeling of why them and not me? I don't want to do that, I want to be happy for them, and I refuse to feel sorry for myself, and I want to remind me that I am lucky to have a great husband, best friends, who I know since we were 5, health, and my family with good health too.

I hope all of you are feeling good and remind yourself all the great things you have.😘

(Sorry for the bizarre post)

[Anonymous29]

I 100% know what you mean and completely feel the same. I get annoyed at myself for feeling sad over someone else's pregnancy/birth. To make it worse - I cried because my sister in law gave birth. I love my nephew with all my heart but seeing my sister in law and the baby together broke my heart because I feel like I'll never have that.

It's so hard and if I'm honest, there's not enough support out there. I have a brilliant family and a great group of friends but sometimes saying these kind of feelings out loud makes me feel like a bad person.

Sorry.... totally realise that I've gone on about myself 🤦🏻‍♀️

[MammaMia86 in reply to Anonymous29]

I am only child and my husband has a brother and I hope that they have a kid so I could have a niece or nephew to spoil, but I can totally get what you are saying.

If I picture them with a kid I will end up feeling sad at the same time....a reminder of what we don't have....and I will hate the comments that everybody will make.

[Helto200]

Totally normal to feel this way. Eventually it will get easier, but there is always a horrible feeling of "why isn't it me?". The thing is... unless you go through this journey yourself, nobody understands. A friend said to me years ago, wht don't you adopt? And of course I always think about that, but she has 2 kids, so she doesn't get it. We have had a few failed transfers and 1 successful, which we are obviously delighted. But even with a wee one of my own, it still gets to me, all the social media posts and people asking if you are going to have another 🙄 don't try and push down your feelings, it will only make it worse. I am currently in the middle of another 2ww, and it's killing me. Good luck with everything. Xx

[MammaMia86 in reply to Helto200]

I hate the questions and the advice....my mum telling me that she got pregnant after they signed the papers of the house...so she basically was saying that I need to relax.

I know it is a way of expressing that they care but relax, or the adoption advice it's not what I want to hear at all.

I think that I come here so I don't explode with them, plus here I know you can understand 😘

[Fruitandflowers]

Thank you for this post - it's not bizarre btw it's nice. We're so deep in this horrible process and it's hard to see others who have what we want and that it seems so easy for them and. It's. Just. Not. Fair. What did we do wrong... I even at one point thought that because I'd had so much happiness in my life that maybe this was the universe's way of balancing things out - like I had used up my quota and this was my, comeuppance? You can have your health, a partner, a nice house and a good job, but that's it ok. You want more? Selfish...

Now I still have those thoughts but it's like I try and breathe through the really hard or really sad times, so it's less acute, and like you say think about all the other stuff i'm so lucky to have, and not miss it out enjoying it all. I'm no Pollyanna btw, this is more of an ongoing thing: project self preservation / do not become the sad bitter lady who can't be happy and hates the world (that said, I am also fully prepared to rock the whole maleficent look if my resolve crumbles).

[MammaMia86 in reply to Fruitandflowers]

Thanks for telling me that it wasn't so bizarre.

I completely get what you are saying, I guess what we want it's the normal step in life. We are used to hear about pregnancy as such a normal part of life, that we struggle when we can't have it.

I know all of us here we will get it at the end so the universe will have to deal with it💪

[BluMonkey]

It’s so so hard. I feel the same when a pregnancy announcement happens. But after speaking to friends they have said it’s so normal.

My sister in law announced their pregnant this week, they were basically pregnant at the same time as us it turns out and are living with us for the time being. I went into my room and cried the whole night. I felt like a horrible person. I just wanted some space. I am really happy for them and they don’t know how I feel. It just felt unfair that this was meant to be us too. After speaking to close friends I realised how normal it is for me to feel that way. How normal it is for all of us to feel that way. It’s a hard pill to swallow. But don’t let it get you down. Life seems to like throwing us these hurdles but if anything this journey has taught us is that we are fighters and we will get there one day, just don’t give up x