First post...

[Haylz33]

So I feel like I need a bit of support as i am feeling very isolated at the moment, i have days when I feel OK and then others where I just feel sad. So... myself and my husband got married June 2017, i had come off the pill a year previous as we wanted to start a family as soon as we were married. After 11 months I became pregnant however miscarried at 5 weeks. We are now in our 10th month after the miscarriage. We went to our GP over Xmas who did some initial tests, my husband a sperm count and myself a 21 day blood test. Both tests came back OK. Sounds ridiculous but I had mixed feelings about the results, obviously I was pleased that my husband has a good sperm count and that I ovulate and my thiroid is fine but I was confused "Well what's the problem then, why is it taking us so long? The GP has now referred us to the fertility clinic at the hospital, I have a phone consultation on the 4th April with a member of the fertility team, what this involves I don't know. It's just a constant waiting game, waiting for the next period, the tests, then the results, now this phone call. Its so hard... myself and my husband are both fit and healthy with no medical issues. I have to say it is the hardest, terrifying, frustrating and confusing thing I have ever experienced in my life, and I just feel extremely alone. The biggest reason I have joined this group. I am 33 and my husband 30, we are surrounded by wonderful friends and family, and also lots of people with young families or starting them. I constantly have a battle in my head, when another of my friends announces the news we so desperately want, of course I am happy for them but I always shed a little tear too, then I hate myself for being so selfish. It's relentless. I dont really know what I am expecting from posting this, I just want to share my journey so far.

Thanks for reading this

H x

[Hidden]

Sometimes it's just good to get your feelings out. Sorry to here about your loss. Fertility journey is such a hard road at times so how you are feeling is perfectly normal. Don't beat yourself up - you have a plan - and are on your first steps to making things happen. Stay strong 💪💪 you're doing great and use this forum as a way to let of steam as well as for advice x x

[Haylz33 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your reply. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Haylz33]

No probs - been exactly where you've been and sometimes you just feel so alone but you'll get there x x

[wemma83]

You’ve come to the right place sweetheart 😊 This network has been the first place I’ve turned throughout our fertility journey and I feel like everyone on here is part of one big family 💕 It’s going to be tough, there’s going to be ups and downs, and sometimes you might want to give up, but just know that we’ll all be here for you along the way 😊💕 xxx

[CC2018]

You sound just like how I was. Got married in August 2015 and decided we'd stop contraception and if it happened it happened. After a year there was nothing and as I have lupus I was concerned this would cause an issue. What followed was a year of bloods tests, hormone checks, sperm analysis, follicle tracking scan, hysteroscopy whichbwas cancelled 4 times before it was carried out, numerous transvaginal scans and the phrase 'unexplained infertility' air quoted to us. It was so frustrating. There were a couple of minor things for me but so minor they apparently wouldn't prevent pregnancy and hubby was fine. I was suspected of having antiphospholipid syndrome which causes miscarriages but I'd never been pregnant and it was only one of many blood tests that suggested this. After 2 years we were put forward for 1 free NHS fresh cycle of IVF. We got confirmed we were added to the list in January this year and started our cycle in June with added use of baby aspirin and clexane just in case I had the syndrome. We only got one good 5 day blasto and I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with midwives now telling me maybe my body just needed to learn how to be pregnant. I've know idea but in the 2 and half years of trying we tried everything: eating healthy, losing weight, exercise, no caffeine or alcohol, loose underwear, acupuncture, supplements etc. I ended up really depressed, anxious having panic attacks and isolating myself from family. 9 babies were born while we were trying with some people even announcing their second pregnancy. Some planned some surprises. I was pleased but at the same time devastated and would avoid any events involving babies, pregnant people, family gatherings etc. What got me through was a fertility acupuncturist who'd suffered infertility herself. She became my therapist if you like as she understood how I felt and this forum and the mindful ivf app were great. I stopped having panic attacks and my anxiety improved. When we decided to tell a few close relatives we had a few of the thoughtless comments like just relax, you just need to get drunk etc and others commenting theyknew showing felt as it took them 3 months to conceive! You learn to take it with a pinch of salt. All your feelings are normal and so many people on this forum.will understand so please feel free to vent. I hope your cycle comes round soon xx

[jennielouises]

I’ve just joined too and I think it’s the place I needed. Hubby and I have been trying since April 2016 and not a hint of a positive line on a test. We’ve had tests done at a private clinic and all came back fine. But I need to lose a stone before we can be referred for ivf on the nhs (can’t afford it privately). I’m 33 and he’s 37. I just feel so alone. It drives me crazy each month waiting to see if I feel terrible as I’m going to come on or terrible as I’m pregnant. I struggle at work during those times and don’t really have anyone who understand. This looks like a good place for that x

[Kiedy84]

Hi, I could write this post myself, you are not alone in how you feel. I am 35 now but been trying since November 2016, also unexplained infertility, my brain still can't understand what does this mean and if everything seem fine then why isn't it happening. The answer may come with our first IVF cycle, starting in April.

Use this forum every time you feel sad or lonely on this journey. We are all here to help xx

[Banbha83]

Don’t be so hard on yourself, this is one of the toughest things to go through and completely natural to feel the way you do! Just remember to look after yourself, and just take each step as it comes xxx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear about your loss. We lost our little boy at 6 months, it’ll be coming on three years and it’s been the hardest most isolating feeling ever.

We’re surrounded by a very big family both sides with lots of children and new babies. My sister who I’m very close to is also newly pregnant.

I also turn 30 in April, and I know that I’m still young but that was a really big milestone for me, because my mum passed when she was pretty young. It’s a very tough battle but if anything it will make you stronger and you will get through this. Also you’re not on your own... I recently found this network and there’s lots of us going through very similar struggles. Vent all you want on here. Sending hugs x

[Kat9lives]

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Like all the other ladies have said, you've come to the right place.

We had been trying to conceive since 2014, fertility referral 2015, PCOS diagnosed, hubby's sperm count/morphology low, clomid and metformin taken and 1st cycle done in early 2016 which ended in a devastating bfn. I had to put a brave face on when friends got pregnant and it was even harder when I discovered they'd kept it quiet from only me and told other friends to save my feelings. I lost weight, hubby improved his diet and improved his sperm quality etc, we were militant with vitamins, fertility diet, reading every book out there on IVF, accupuncture, yoga, mindfulness, anything superstitious that comes from old wives tales etc!! We had a 2nd cycle in mid 2016 and got a BFP that ended up in our beautiful daughter being born in early 2017. We have now started the IVF process again, having just done a 3rd cycle (using frozen eggs from the last cycle) and having done a test 4 days in a row now looks like it hasn't worked so we are heading to our official test now at the clinic which is 1.5 hours away.

You have come to the right place, so many ladies on here are going through what you are going through, no matter what stage you get to. We all have different reasons for needing IVF but are united in the need and longing for a baby(ies). It's not a want, it's a need. The best advice I can give you is to take each stage one step at a time because it is a long bloody slog and struggle!! But each step you take you will get stronger, and you will find a strength inside you that you didn't know you had. Ironically whilst it will at times feel as though you and your partner aren't on the same page, it will make you closer than ever too. And know that any queries, rants, advice or moans you have... You know where to come!

Best of luck to you 🍀🤞🍀🤞🍀🤞🍀🤞 xx