The reality has hit me

[Buisquits]

so finally my period arrived. I took the prostap injection yesterday which will put me in medically induced menopause, but only for 2 weeks. Then we start getting ready for FET. This time next month I may have the transfer.

All great and exciting. So why do my shoulder hurt out of nowhere? why do I feel like crying all the time? why do I want to hide from the world and scream in the pillow?

The first IVF was a success, the boy is running around as I type. The process was the toughest thing I ever went through. The we had a miraculous conception last year, ended up diagnosed as blighted ovum. Took 4 weeks to end.

Now we are being given 12%chances. I am tired. I am stressed. I am upset. I have no idea how to deal with it apart from procrastinating. I don;t want to go to work, but staying at home and feelings sorry for myself doesn't see like fun either. My husband is as supportive as he can be. He is quite layd back and what will be will be kids of person. He means well but OMG he could show some feelings every now and then.

How do I get strength and go through this?

[Jrss1]

Hi Buisquits, I just wanted to say hang in there. Men deal with things totally different to us. They don’t really get how much we have to do going through IVF. Yes I know they are disappointed when it doesn’t work out but I don’t think they really get how many injections, pessaries, supplements we have to take and also the change in our hormones which makes us go a little crazy. Then we have to go through EC and transfer etc etc

The only way I have gotten through it is to cry it out of my system and then put it to the back of my head and focus on the next steps, whether I go for another round or consider a donor. I’m taking a break this month and will decide on my next period what I will do.

You need to be proud of yourself for all the hard work you have done so far and try to be positive about your next FET - this could be the one!!!

I wish you the best of luck, you can do this 💪🏻 xxx

[Buisquits in reply to Jrss1]

Thank you for your lovely supportive words. I hate crying. I do not cry and do not talk about emotions. I suffer in silence... I know it is bad. I just feel if I open up I will never be able to stop crying..

[McQueeny]

I so so so sympathise! Like you we have an IVF success, a little boy who’s almost two, and we’re trying again - had a failed FET a couple of months back so it’s UVF again. hubby is supportive but likewise very ‘what will be will be’. I don’t think he gets why it’s so important and how hard it is. I regularly want to scream into a pillow and have shouted at him a couple of times that he doesn’t care (because he doesn’t talk about it or show emotions). Which isn’t fair - he does care - just not as much or in the same way….

You just need to breathe, be good to yourself , focus on one step at a time…. Good luck x

[Buisquits in reply to McQueeny]

Thank you. Oh men.... Funny thing is I dont even need him for the FET! He is supportive, he keeps me gong and keeps me strong. I do love him to bits. It is just whole IVF stuff...

[McQueeny in reply to Buisquits]

Absolutely. I love my husband to bits too…. And I know he loves me desperately - IVF just really sucks and consumes everything 🤪 x

[Hidden]

Sorry you feel like this. I think the reality is there is no magic fix you will just keep going and get through it - because you have to. The other option (give up) doesn't sound like its an option yet.

I've been having fertility treatment for 5 years now, and every emotion and feeling you typed sounds familiar. I've also had a number of losses so I know the pain of the MC. The reality is we just have to plod through every day as slowly as we need to, drag ourselves through the hours, and just keep on keeping on.

You have done it before, you are strong enough to do it again! And we are all cheering you on.

Good luck xx

[Buisquits in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. 5 years is a long time. It is silly to whinge when others people path is much harder than mine... We all just get through, one way or the other. I am lucky to have a supportive boss. I may need some time off to survive that craziness and emotional storm..

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Buisquits. Probably because you have been put into a medically induced menopause state for a few weeks. You can, and seems like you are suffering from menopausal symptoms. However, it's not for long, then when you have the stims you will start to feel better again. all down to hormone being messed with. Good luck! Diane

[Buisquits in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you Diane. I find it really tricky to recognise my own emotions and side effects of medication. When I had it first time I just went so angry with everything and everybody around This time I am just tearful and so upset... I work with 5 year olds which doe not make things easy...