Ladies! I'm a first-timer here... We’ve been trying to have a baby for, like, seven years now, and sometimes I just want to give up and admit that the happiness of motherhood is just something that’s not for us or not about us. We’ve gone through four cycles of stimulation — the result is broken hopes, failed expectations, and one non-developing pregnancy within 10 weeks. I’m not sure I can do it again. The last stimulation was challenging for me, both physically and psychologically — and I felt guilty — as if I was depriving my husband of the opportunity to be a father….At the last consultation, we were talking about the donor program..I have a tough time deciding to do this, and I don’t know how that would feel…. Is there anyone here who’s been through this
DO?: Ladies! I'm a first-timer here... - Fertility Network UK
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I welcome Charlotte79. I never did the donor program but I notice your post and just want to wish you luck with whatever decision you choose. Plus i seen a lot of people on here who went the donor route and seem very happy they did. Hope they see your post and give you some hope.
thank you...really i'm really appreciate this, i hope one day my story turns in a happy story to cheer up and encourage somebody too
Hey Charlotte, so sorry to hear how much you’ve been through so far. Nothing can ever prepare you for the feelings of hopelessness, the highs followed by the lows that comes with ivf.We decided to take the donar route , after 2 failed transfers, it was suggested embryos not developing once transferred was due to my age! Ouch ! It wasn’t an easy decision but they gave me odds of less then 5% with my eggs and 50% with donar , we decided to give ourselves a better chance and go with donar , I’m currently in my 2 ww - we had great results with the donar eggs in terms of embryos and blasts far better then I know we would have got with mine - happy to chat more via message if you would like? Whatever you decide , either to try again with your own eggs or go with donar I wish you so much luck x x
Thank you for your answer and congratulation....until it's my turn i will keep clapping for others ! i think i'll write you soon...i hope i will be there soon too, the member of the happy community who's name is 'parenthood'
Aw thank you, just taking the 2ww one day at a time at the minute and trying to stay away from the pregnancy tests!! 🙈 Please do get in touch when you’re ready more then happy to share experience so far x
Hi
Our third round was a donor egg round.
I’m 41 my husbands 59. Been ttc for 6 yrs. my eggs were clearly useless, so we thought we’d give it one last shot with a donor egg.
Both my younger sister volunteered. So we went with the youngest who’s 30.
First embryo they put back in I’m 13 weeks + 3. With two left in the freezer, but tbh if we get to the end we’ll have those ones destroyed as I will be thankful we’ve got one child.
I look at a donor egg as no different to a blood transfusion, bone marrow or organ transplant - the vast majority of people would not turn them down if they needed them!
All an egg donor is doing is donating a ball of cells, it’s my blood running through the child’s veins, it’s me nurturing it until it’s born and my husband partially created it.
We were lucky because we didn’t have to think about a lot of things like characteristics etc when choosing an unknown donor.
Good luck 🤞
Dear Running! thank you for your answer, thank you all here for this endless support you give me. It's a blessing to have sisters like yours, an enormous present from god or the Universe.... my situation is worse - I can't carry by myself - my uterus is artificially formed from two useless uteruses, to create one useless and deformed.. so my blood here could be just the metaphor
Hi Charlotte. Just wanted to wish you well with all of this. lots to think about, but if you could see my albums of babies, lots of which have been born as the result of donor eggs, sperm and embryos, you would see what happy families have been created. All the best, and accept any support you are offered. Diane
Thank you Diane, i really appreciate this!
Hi Charlotte, I know it's a hard decision to make to move onto donor eggs. We have decided to go for donor egg after 2 failed cycles with my own eggs (in 2 cycles we only managed to get 1 abnormally fertilised egg) as I knew that the chances to get pregnant with my own eggs were so low...and I didn't feel ready to give up on my dream of being a mum just yet. We had to have counselling prior to starting the process as part of our treatment which was quite helpful to answer some of these questions in my head. I am currently in my 2 ww after our first embryo transfer. I have to say that from the very first moment we got eggs from the donor I felt 'attached' to the eggs as if they were my own. Now in the 2ww I never think about the embryo not being mine! I am also a great believer in epigenetics.
Good luck with whatever you decide! 😁
Thank you for your answer...i'm so touched how many people are trying to support me here.
Hey we are where you are. 6 failed rounds and 5 MC from own eggs so we’ve gone with donor. It’s taken me AGES to get my head round it and I’m still not sure but we’ve just approved a donor - PM me if you want?! x
Hi Daisy! i will PM you soon, thank you for this opportunity to talk...and congratulation for this big decision that was made, i hope i will be there too, but now i just I burst into tears each time I look through the donor database, all that girls there make me feel myself terrible
Hey Charlotte, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I totally get that rollercoaster of IVF getting all hopeful that it's actually going to happen to be crushed at the next scan/result/test/embryology phone call. It's heartbreaking. To be honest I feel exactly the same that I don't know how much more I can take emotionally and then feel terrible for not just moving onto DE so my husband can be the father I know he could be.
I will say that only you and he will know what is right for you and in 10 years time is there anything that you would regret or do you feel you could make peace with the decision? I feel like we can still have a fulfilling life together but know we will always be sad a baby never happened. We're still deciding whether this is it for us now but hope whatever you chose it is full of happiness and if go for DE all the beat wishes in the world that it works for you xxx
Hi Purple! i was avoiding boards like this before - it was my mistake..i've never had such great support before, i'm sooo grateful for you answer and sincerity - my situation is even more crucial - i can't carry the baby by myself - i was born with two uterus, it's definitely not one of those situation when "the more the better" ( this sad joke is never gets old).. My non-developing pregnancy was at the another woman's body, ukrainian poor women was our gestational carrier for long ten weeks resulted to nothing ..so this time they suggested me - no genetic tie, no baby bump
Oh Charlotte, gosh...that's really tough and can see the decision is definitely more complex. I can imagine it's been so hard finding a surrogate and each round must be even more heartbreaking. I really am sending you loads of hugs and hope any counselling sessions you can have are useful...I found that helpful when discussing a donor option. Good luck with your next steps and wishing you both all the best xx
Some very difficult decisions to make, more so then the average going through IVF.
Have your clinic definitely said that you cannot carry yourself? Or have you tried previously and that it hasn’t worked?! It not clear from your post.
The only reason I ask is a friend of my sisters also has two uterus’s - albeit she conceived naturally she carried two pregnancies to term.
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