How do you decide on your egg donor?

[CheshireKit]

Hi everyone hope you’re all doing well. We’re starting on the donor egg journey and have been waiting for a match. So far we’ve had one profile which unfortunately wasn’t a match at all and then got 2 profiles through this week but we’re struggling to decide on either of them.

I’m feeling the pressure of making the right decision as this could be half of our potential child’s genes and i had this (possibly too romantic) idea in my head that we’d read a profile and just know it was the one for us. These donors are so selfless and amazing I feel bad that I’m not leaping at the first one as they could be giving us what we’ve longed for for so long.

How do you decide?

Any advice or DE stories would be much appreciated.

Thanks xx

[Hidden]

We chose our 3rd profile as when we read it we both felt like it was like reading about myself and just got a gut feeling we didn’t get with the first two. Don’t be afraid or feel pressured to chose until your happy with your choice xx

[CheshireKit in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Hidden its good to know that the gut feeling I’ve been waiting for does happen Fingers crossed it comes soon! Xx

[Dunla]

Hi , I know how you’re feeling, we chose our egg donor a few weeks ago. Like you we had a choice of two profiles. We tried to pick the one closest to me in terms of physical characteristics. The way I tried to look at it was that things like education, hobbies and interests etc are things we will nurture in our child as future parents. We’re hoping to cycle now in January all being well.

Wishing you the best of luck in your decision xx

[CheshireKit in reply to Dunla]

Thanks Dunla thats a good point, I think I’ve been hoping to get a perfect match in every way but as long as the basics are there we’ll nurture the child with the rest. Good luck with your cycle, keep us posted! Xx

[Dunla in reply to CheshireKit]

Thanks for the good wishes. Hoping 2018 is a good year for us both. All kicking off next Thursday with Endo scratch and prostap injection. Getting very excited now xx

[Clare_lou]

Hi, I don’t have any advice but I can so relate to how you’re feeling...it could have been me writing your post!

We got sent two matches a couple of weeks ago and I wasn’t really sure about either of them. We asked for another couple, even if just for something to compare them to, so at least we’d know if one felt right or not...but so far, we’re still waiting.

I’m feeling this huge pressure too...like you, I thought I’d see a profile and just know it was ‘the one’ but it’s just so hard. Like you, I feel bad as we’ve been waiting to get here for so long, and these women are just amazing for giving this gift to us.

I do know from experience earlier this year, when picking a sperm donor, we both picked the same one and it just felt like the right choice. So maybe I’m hoping that will happen again...

I know that we will probably have to wait until the new year now to see any more profiles but I’m hoping that will help us to make a decision.

Anyway, sorry I can’t be helpful but I just wanted to say that understand what you’re wrestling with. I’m here if you want to talk... Wishing you lots of luck with your decision! Xx

[CheshireKit in reply to Clare_lou]

Thanks Clare_lou It’s so reassuring that know I’m not alone in feeling like this. I think I need to be more patient and hopefully our match will come soon. Best of luck with your journey, keep us posted! Xx

[Clare_lou in reply to CheshireKit]

You’re most welcome. I do think maybe there’s quite a bit of what Cinderella mentions below going on with me too. Maybe the whole thing is still really hard for me to accept, so it was always going to be a really difficult decision. As others have said, we’ve waited this long to get here so there’s no harm in waiting until you feel right about your choice. Thank you. You too! Xx

[Cinderella5]

We got offered our match literally 24 hours after signing up. Im not sure if I was a bit overwhelmed but I read the profile and thought - No, that's not the one for me, hubby was happy and he couldnt understand why I was hesitating. I started asking other ladies how they decided as the same as you, I did think it was just "feel right". I got some really helpful replies back but generally everyone seemed to just be pretty happy with their match.

I started questionning my reason for hesitating and I think I was still hankering after my own eggs if Im honest. I did some reading into epigenetics and the specialist nurse helped when I talked she through with me and I realised I was looking for a carbon copy of me and I wasnt going to get one. Everything was pretty perfect really and she was a bit slimmer than me (how could that not be a positive), she was very creative and arty and sporty which is nothing like me so I thought well she's nothing like me.....how daft is that?! I took a leap of faith as I thought I was being silly and Im glad that I did even although I have not had success yet. Im not for one minute saying that you should do that of course but just trying to let you know what was running through my head. This article also helped me too, just made sense....xxx P.S sorry for the huge story! Ha ha ha

Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg/sperm donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them.

So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures.

So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.

[CheshireKit in reply to Cinderella5]

Thanks so much for sharing, this is a really good way to look at using donor eggs.

There probably is quite a bit of it still getting over and accepting that I can’t use my eggs.

Think I’ll call the donor nurse to chat it through ugh with her too. Xxx

[Chimpy2505]

Hiya,

For me it was less about physical characteristics and more about what kind of person they were. We were lucky that as soon as we read the pen potrait the donor had written we just both knew they were right. Similar hobbies, similar outlook on life and you could tell from what they had written what a kind generous person they were. I read it and immediately welled up! I now just really hope it works as I would be disappointed not to have a baby from this donor.

If it doesn’t feel right I think wait n don’t feel pressured. You have to be sure it is the right donor for you. This is a massive decision you are making!

Good luck & lots of love xx

[baby2016]

Hi CheshireKit! For me there was only one match provided, I did question if there would be others but was told there was non as good a match as the one they had given.

The match was very accurate to me, I wasn't too bothered about physical appearance other than same hair colour, but we'd both worked in similar industries and both made complete changes into other similar industries. Both so charity work, and she sounded very similar with regards to family beliefs etc. So to me, I felt nervous excepting the 1st and only one, but then on the other hand I knew it would be extremely rare to find another profile that matched me in the way this one had.

It's exciting and scary all at the same time, go with you gut as that will always be right. Very hard to find a 100% match but I feel very near that with mine. Hope you get a perfect match soon 😊 xx