Another stimulation round or donor eggs?

[Zeebee14]

Hi ladies, I’ve got a decision to make and myself and my partner are finding it hard to know what to do.

I’m 43, I have one frozen day 5 3BB and a frozen day 3 embryo (8 cell grade 2). Neither have been pga tested. I’ve just been diagnosed with adenomyosis so will need a 3 month preparation where an artificial menopause is simulated before the embryos are transferred.

My decision is whether to do another stimulation round now before the 3 month preparation, to possibly get more embryos as a back up, or to transfer what I’ve got and if that fails then go to donor eggs.

I feel like now is the time to do another stimulation round while I am able, but my partner just wants us to have a baby as quick as we can and would be happy not to bother with another stimulation round and to use donor eggs if we need to. Plus we’re doing ICSI so the cost is about 7k.

I’m so stuck in this decision, any advice on what to do?

[Running79]

Hi

I’m not much younger then you, at 41.

We have done 3 rounds, 2 using my eggs and the 3rd using my sisters who was a donor for us, she is 30. In total we’ve spent £40,000, the donor round was the most expensive at about £12 -13,000.

Out of the two rounds our first go ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks. The second didn’t implant. The 1st embryo from the second round didn’t implant, the other 2 were PGTA tested and were chromosomally abnormal. Our second round I was 40 yrs old.

The consultant said to us after our second round we could try again with my eggs and ‘We might get lucky’ - it’s a lot of money to spend to get lucky

I think for my age I have a 5% chance of success with my own eggs - I’m sure somewhere in my hall there will be a really good one - but when it decides to tear it’s head god only knows, hence why we did the donor route, this was also going to be our last go!

So the first embryo transferred back im now 12 weeks + 6

So if you’ve just been diagnosed with adenomyosis (I’m not really sure what that entails) I would be inclined to go with your partners route of donor egg

Personally I could of continued with my own rounds, but I thought what is really the point, they are clearly not working and I don’t have the financial let alone emotional backing to keep going, and in fact wasting time

Good luck in what you choose

[Zeebee14 in reply to Running79]

Thank you for your reply, it’s really interesting to hear your story, and congrats on your pregnancy!

We’ve already done 3 rounds of ICSI, the first one produced the frozen day 3 embryo and nothing else. The second one produced nothing, and the final one resulted in 2 day 5 embryos. One was put back as a fresh transfer but didn’t take, and the other was frozen.

My partner was diagnosed with mild sperm fragmentation and took Proxeed before our 3rd cycle, which we think made the difference. So part of me thinks that because we fixed his problem, another cycle might give us good results, but then there’s my age...

So perhaps going straight to donor eggs is the safer option, but I’m not sure I’m ready to accept that yet. X

[Running79 in reply to Zeebee14]

Thanks

We also did ICSI including with the donor cycle.

My husband had a DNA fragmentation test before our first round, due to his age and it came back his morphology was slightly on the low side.

How I look at a donor egg is, someone is donating a ball of cells, that is it. The baby is created by you, it takes on your blood, you nurture it!

Let’s face it we would have a blood transfusion, bone marrow transplant or accept an organ if we needed to - I see a donor egg in the same way

Good luck with whatever path you choose x

[Zeebee14 in reply to Running79]

That’s how my partner sees it too. He says we’d be the parents no matter what, the ones they come to when they’re sad, or happy or excited or scared. I get that but I also want the physical side too, to have a little one who’s got half my genes, that I can watch grow up and see who they look like and take after. However I know that a donor egg baby is better than no baby. I just don’t know whether I’m ready to give up on my eggs just yet. X

[Running79 in reply to Zeebee14]

That’s fair enough, I’m lucky as we will have a genetic link, due to being my sisters egg. X

[joey81]

Hi Zeebee, i also was diagnosed few weeks ago and its such a horrible shock as ttc wasnt hard enough! I spoke to my ivf doc and she said that they dont usually down regulation for 3 months if u have poor ovarian reserve. I was in the samw dilema as you.... also u have added pressure of endo. I decided to do some embryo batching now while my ovaries are still ok then consider down regulating before tfr or just tfr. Studies say mixed things as to whether we should or should not down reg for 3 months.

[Zeebee14 in reply to joey81]

Thanks for the reply Joey. The diagnosis took a while as they had to do a few mri’s months apart, to start with they weren’t sure what the lump was, so I’m happy it’s not anything sinister. The down regulation is needed to reduce the adenomyma lump, which as it stands will inhibit implantation as it presses into my uterus lining, but my dr said it could be 2 or 3 months. I’m lucky that I have good ovarian reserve for my age though. Good luck with your journey. X

[joey81 in reply to Zeebee14]

Thats interesting, they described my adenomyosis as a thickening of the junction rather than a lump. I read how adenomyosis makes implantation difficult but my ivf doc said to proceed with ivf. She didnt mention the need for down regulation. Saying that, it is a frozen transfer she was referring to. Great to hear you have good reserves, my amh is 4.1 and i am 40, so the added pressure of time for me.

[Chinchan]

It’s always a hard one. I have two close friends that have both non ivf and DE kids and you honestly can’t see any difference physically or attachment wise but just like you I find it very hard to get over it and go with DE. And I know through my work and studies that epigenetic processes are the actual coding mechanism anyway. Not to mention that like it or not your hormones will program your brain for attachment. Biologically there is no difference. It’s the psychological effect. I also think the lack of anonymity and the somewhat righteous attitude towards it in the UK contribute a lot to the psychological barrier. Even more absurd is that the justification for it is rooted in research on adoption where the hormonal aspects of attachment don’t play a part. And even with adoption, one ear infection or a scratched knee and you’re in love (if you hadn’t already). I have an albino rescued cat that I love as if it was biologically mine and she moved around the world with us.

I’m not answering your question. I guess I’m also saying it to myself. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. DE takes time too, maybe try yours while on the waiting list? We were thinking to try IUI with high dose stimulation which is also less costly (I’m your age with low reserve, mild adenomyosis and a partner with SDF). Am I making any sense?

[Zeebee14 in reply to Chinchan]

I know what you mean about your cat. We just got a puppy and I love him with my whole heart as if he’s my actual child even though we’re not genetically related.

I think it’s a sensible option to enquire about donor eggs and register even if we don’t end up going down that route.

Thanks for your reply and good luck with your journey. X

[Fizz37]

Not with donor eggs but donor sperm so similar ethical/personal decision. I had 3 rounds of icsi with my husbands sperm, 1 frozen, 1 fresh and 1 cancelled....then we just went for the donor and I am now 11+4.

I think I knew in my heart we had to change something even though it was heartbreaking to think I'd never have my husband's child and he felt like a failure. But honestly the moment we saw the second line on the hpt it didn't matter 😇 a bub is a bub and it's ours regardless of biology xx 💗

[Lass41]

Hello - your situation is a lot like mine. I am 40 going to be 41 next month. I have an IVF cycle scheduled for August. We have been trying for three years now, I have had 3 transfers two fresh and one frozen neither of which took. I do have one frozen embryo left. I had an MRI done in April and that’s when I was diagnosed with adenomyosis. I got my 1st shot of lupron at the beginning of this month. Lupron is the medication used to put me on medical menopause. In August we plan to do a fresh embryo transfer. It has not been an option for us to use a donor egg but if this doesn’t work I don’t know if we will continue to try, or maybe consider DE. This has put such a strain on our marriage. So totally understand that this is a tough choice. I think I would ask my doctor for an honest opinion on what the best chances are for you. Good luck with whatever you decide

[Zeebee14 in reply to Lass41]

Thanks for the reply Lass, I totally know how you feel.

Right now I’m feeling that at 43 the chances are so low so why waste money trying with my own eggs. My other thoughts are at the end of the day the clinics are a business and they will always say to do another cycle if the client chooses and they make money from it.

Good luck with your next transfer! X

[Lilly12255]

My personal view is that I would do more cycles to bank more. I think the amount spent won’t matter when looking over a lifetime while you might regret not having had more trials with OE if your embryos fail. Also, I recommend making sure everything is optimised before transfer, do all recurrent miscarriage tests, leave no stone unturned. Many issues such as adenomyosis would equally affect a transfer with DE. So adenomyosis is definitely not an indication to go for DE. Wishing you lots of luck🤞

[Zeebee14 in reply to Lilly12255]

Thanks Lilly, yes I’ll have to make sure to do all the tests before the FET no matter what.

[ChloeDE]

We did two rounds of own egg IVF through the NHS (starting at age 37). We got plenty of eggs but none ever made it to blastocyst.The clinic told us they couldn't give us another NHS round because we were unsuccessful twice due to the same issue. After that, we decided it wasn't worth it to keep putting ourselves through it - financially and emotionally.

We went to Czech Republic for donor eggs and recently had twins. It's the best thing we ever did. I have no doubt at all in my mind that they are 100% mine.

[Zeebee14]

That’s a great result Chloe, congrats on your twins!

Can I ask why you picked th Czech Republic for your donor eggs? X