44 year old considering donor egg for second baby

[Barn-owl_lover]

Hello Fertility community. I am curious on perspectives/experiences/considerations around using a donor egg to have a second child. I have heard great things about using donor eggs to start/build a family. My background: My husband and I conceived our first child when I was 38 years old when we first began trying to start our family. Since then, we have had a difficult time trying to bring a second child into this world. I have been pregnant 6 times since the birth of our daughter. 2 of those were chemical pregnancies and 4 of those were miscarriages between 8-10 weeks. We also did 2 IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF where we were able to get 6 embryos all of which were chromosomally abnormal.

At age 44, I think the time has come for me to come to the realization that given my clinical history and age, we will likely not conceive a baby without a donor egg. It has been a painful journey but I am starting to consider the possibility of using a donor egg to grow our family.

Has anyone in the community been through anything similar? Or does anyone have any advice or considerations for my husband and I through this process? I know I am not alone in my journey, but sometimes it really feels like that anyways. Thank you for any support or advice/considerations. Wishing everyone well in their journeys too!

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hope you get some replies to your post that are helpful Meantime take a look at hfea.gov.uk select Treatment scroll to Using a donor for further information

Take care

Janet-Partner

[Barn-owl_lover in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thank you

[Memacha]

I asked a similar question recently and got a couple of interesting responses and different perspectives. It’s a really difficult decision to make whether to move to donor eggs but I get the impression that once people decide to go down that path, they don’t regret it. Making the decision and accepting loss of your genetics seems to be the hardest part. We haven’t been able to make a decision on it yet and feel we still want to try at least another round ourselves first. It’s tough isn’t it, there’s a whole infertility community out there but sometimes it still feels like you’re the only one going through such difficulties

[Barn-owl_lover in reply to Memacha]

Awe, thank you for sharing and also your perspective. Wishing you success as you move forward in your journey!

[Christianbaby]

Absolutely, I understand how challenging and emotional this journey can be. At 36, I had my first experience with a donor egg (DE), which resulted in our miracle baby. Like you, we struggled with IVF and discovered my own eggs weren't viable (I started when I was 32). Accepting the need for a DE took a lot of tears and time, but ultimately, it was the right path for us.

After extensive research, we decided to go abroad for the DE process, and it led to our rainbow baby. Now, at almost 41, I’m 13 weeks pregnant with our second DE baby, from the same donor. It’s a lot to process and moving to DE is a significant step, so take all the time you need to come to terms with it.

I'm rooting for you and sending you all positive thoughts. You can do this! Wishing you all the best!

[Barn-owl_lover in reply to Christianbaby]

Thank you for sharing! And congratulations on your second baby! That is amazing and I am so happy for you and your family. I appreciate your kind words. If you don't mind sharing, where did you go for a donor? We are considering the Czech republic. I have heard good things from a friend who is going there now. Thank you again for sharing!

[Christianbaby in reply to Barn-owl_lover]

Hi! We went to North Cyprus, but Czech was on our shortlist too. Send an update with how it all goes for you. All the best. xx

[Marley15]

I’m going through a similar experience myself now, I had my first child at 38 went down the IUI route which worked first time, since then I’ve attempted IUI twice and three rounds of IVF using my own eggs, my last attempt ended up having an early miscarriage. Since then I’ve been looking into using donor eggs as I desperately want a second child and feel now at the age of 44, my best chance of this happening would be to use donor eggs. Good luck for the future xx

[Barn-owl_lover in reply to Marley15]

Thank you for sharing your story. And I wish you the best of luck as well!

[Believers]

I am in a very similar position, I’m conceived naturally at 36 then struggled. After a number of set backs we went down the donor route and I am currently 21 weeks. At this point, the only advice I would give is that a donor is not a guarantee. I’ll be 45 in July and I got pregnant on my 5th tranfer with my last embryo. Good luck. Xx

[Barn-owl_lover in reply to Believers]

Thank you! I have thought about that too. And I think that is a really important point to bring up. The donor egg isn't necessarily a guarantee. And even if it does work, it might not happen on the first, second, third or even 4th try. Something I haven't considered. And the this road is definitely an emotionally and physically taxing one. Congratulations on your pregnancy and thank you for sharing your journey with me.

[Aquaharmony]

This is something I discussed with my partner and researched a little bit. However, my partner thought it would be unfair that I wouldn't have a genetic connection to the baby and he would. Personally I think you probably form a strong connection while carrying the child but we didn't have any children at all and my partner felt strongly about this. Ethnicity and cost were also separate considerations for us. In the end we have decided if we get as far as a second child we would go down the adoption route which we also looked into. However currently I am focusing on my current pregnancy and hoping for the best. Wishing you the best of luck whatever you decide 💜🤗

[Barn-owl_lover in reply to Aquaharmony]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Sending positive thoughts your way. Thank you for sharing your perspective and story.

[Kitkat10]

hi, yes, I have a 2.5 year old son who I had at 41, then had 3 failed IVF transfers after him when I was 42. So I changed to DE when I was 43 and am now 35 weeks pregnant with the first transfer.

I found it a hard decision to make but I really wanted my son to have a sibling. It took me about 3 months to make the decision. I had 2 counselling sessions which helped.

I joined the donor conception network and joined a couple of their zoom meetings to connect with other people in the same situation which was hosted by a lady with two children conceived using DE. It’s a very open and relaxed environment and I would recommend joining. Have a look at their website and see what you think.

I also read a book called mother reimagined which I read a few times and found helpful.

It’s a very personal journey but I felt my options were running out and I realised that for me, genetics were not that important and I just really wanted another baby to love and bring into our family. I can’t wait to meet her and although the DE part is on my mind, I also feel at peace with it and feel very very grateful to my donor.

Feel free to message me or ask anything

Xx

[Barn-owl_lover in reply to Kitkat10]

Thank you! Your journey really speaks to me as a I feel very similar about wanting another baby to love and bring into our family too. I can only imagine you have bonded so much with your little one as they have been grown in your belly. I will definitely reach out to the donor conception network too. And thank you for your openness to reach to you as well. I probably will as I learn more/have more questions.

And most importantly, congratulations on your pregnancy and new little one! 35 weeks! So close to holding your little one in your arms. So beautiful!

[Eiradu1]

I’m currently 43 and it’s in the back of my mind that if we don’t conceive in the next 6 months or so my daughter won’t have a sibling unless we use a donor. It’s really great to read these posts from you wonderfully brave and beautiful souls. I’m working very hard on hormonal balance in the how it improves egg quality in time but I do need to open up to that not working and where we go from there. My AMH age AFC are too low for IVF so we are trying ovulation induction. I had a baby a year ago so I’m hoping there’s still a viable egg left 🙏🏼

[Barn-owl_lover]

Awe, sending you positive thoughts!!! We are all in this crazy journey together! And thank you for your kind words! 💚